May 06 5月 6日
[This rambles a bit. [漫游，这一点。 Get over it. 获得超过它。 I'm too tired to go back and thoroughly edit it.] 我太疲累要回去，彻底进行编辑。 ]
There are tons of funny stories being told all over the bloody internet about the really cool, wickedly awesome, and devastatingly embarrassing things that happened at TequilaCon 08.有吨有趣的故事，告诉所有的血腥互联网有关真的很酷， wickedly可怕，毁灭性的尴尬的事情发生在tequilacon 08 。 (See Miss Britt , Avitable , or Karl for examples.) （见小姐布里特 ， avitable ，或卡尔为例子） 。
Since I didn’t go, and have already shared my audio participation in the event, I’m going to focus on some of the navel gazing that is the inevitable result following a highly anticipated social event.因为我没有去，并已分享我的音频参与了这项活动，我会集中在一些肚脐凝视，这是必然的结果之后，备受期待的社交活动。
A few people (so far) have written posts about their anxiety and nervousness surrounding meeting new people.极少数人（至今）有书面的职位约他们的焦虑和紧张，周边会议新人民。 Some focused on their weight and body issues.一些专注于他们的体重和身体的问题。 Some focused on their perceived “exclusion” from the group of bloggers who “already knew each other.” (See Hilly or Shiny for examples.)一些专注于他们的知觉“排斥”从集团的博客谁“已经知道对方。 ” （见丘陵或有光泽的为例子） 。
What I find amazing is that nearly every single one of those bloggers expressed the same thought: “I’m afraid no one will like me and I will say something wrong.”我觉得有什么了不起的是，几乎每一个单一的其中一人的博客表达了同样的思想： “我恐怕没有人会像我一样，我会说一些错误的” 。
I grew up fat, gay, and “gifted.” Contrary to popular belief, that did not make me Prom King.我成长的刘皇发，男同性恋者，和“天才” 。相反，民间信仰，这并不令我胎膜早破国王。
I could talk to any adult.我可以谈任何成人。 I often ate lunch with my teachers.我常常吃午餐，我的老师。 I could not make friends with my peers.我不能广交朋友，与我同行。 I didn’t know how to interact, always watching every thing I said.我不知道如何互动，始终看每一件事，我说。 Afraid to interject anything into a conversation, mostly because of my experience of having conversations stop cold when I did.怕介入任何一个谈话，主要是因为我的经验，有会话停止冷战，当我没有。
I rarely got invited to parties, and if I did wrangle an invitation and attend, I spent the entire time watching the fun from the kitchen (eating, no doubt) or skating with my “friend’s” younger sibling.我很少得到邀请各方，如果我没有争吵的邀请，并出席中，我花了整个时间观看的乐趣，从厨房（吃，毫无疑问）或溜冰与我“的朋友”年轻的兄弟姊妹。
My “best friend” and I were inseparable on weekends and at church.我的“最好的朋友”和我不可分割的周末和在教会。 But we had an understanding that he would likely not talk to me during the week at school, lest he give up his status as one of the popular kids.但我们有一个了解，他可能会不跟我周期间，在学校，否则，他放弃他的地位，作为一种常用的孩子。 I totally understood his reasoning and went along with it, because I thought that was the way it worked.我完全理解他的推理和到一起，因为我认为这是这样的工作。
At some point in high school when I moved to a new town and got a fresh start, I figured out that if I played the role of the funny fat guy I’d get invited to better parties.在一些点在高中时当我提出到一个新的城市，得到了一个新的开始，我揣摩，如果我发挥的角色，有趣的家伙发我要获得邀请，以更好地缔约方。 You see that guy in all the comedies, right?你看到的家伙的所有喜剧片，对不对？ He’s the guy in the toga by the beer keg.他的家伙，在托加由啤酒keg 。 He’s the guy surrounded by all the wallflower girls with braces who have secret crushes on the quarterback.他的家伙，并被所有wallflower女孩与牙套谁有秘密以机上四分卫。 I became THAT guy.我成了这家伙。
Self-deprecating humor became my social lubricant.自我deprecating幽默成为我的社会润滑剂。 I would tell jokes about myself that I assumed everyone else was telling about me when I wasn’t around.我会说笑约我，我假设其他人告诉我的当我是不是靠近。
I still fall into that pattern when I’m in uncomfortable situations.我仍陷入了这一模式时，我在不舒服的情况。 I guess old habits die hard.我猜想老习惯模具努力。
One of my best friends in high school was my English teacher (old habits blah blah).我的一位最好的朋友在高中时是我的英语教师（老习惯布拉赫布拉赫） 。 She was 25 and very cute.她是25日和非常可爱。 Her name was Helen.她的名字是海伦。 We spent a lot of time together working on drama club (drama club!?) and other extra-curricular activities.我们花了很多时间来一起工作，戏剧社（戏剧社！ ？ ）和其他的课外活动。 We spent so much time together in fact, that there were rumors that we were more than friends.我们花了这么多时间，一起在事实上，有传言说，我们多的朋友。 Actually, I was interviewed by the principal and guidance counselor about it, but that’sa story for another time perhaps.其实，我采访校长及辅导有关，但that'sa故事为另一时间，也许。
Anyway, Helen could tell I was having some trouble socially (whether she recognized I was gay or not, who knows), and one day after school she handed me a photograph.无论如何，海伦可以告诉我是有一些麻烦，社会（她是否承认我是同性恋或没有，谁知道） ，一天放学后，她交给我一张照片。
It was of her in high school.这是她在高中。 Braces.牙套。 Curly frizzy hair.曲模糊的头发。 Flat chested and gangly.单位chested和gangly 。 She said, “It won’t always be like it was in high school.” And then she told me one of the wisest things I’ve ever heard someone say: “Every single person on this planet thinks of themselves as an outsider.她说： “它不会永远就像是在高中” ，然后她告诉我其中一个最明智的事情，我所听到有人说： “每一个单身人士，在这个星球上认为自己作为一个局外人。 Everyone is self-conscious about something, the way they look, their intelligence, money, something.大家都自觉一些，这样看，他们的情报，金钱的东西。 Some people have just figured out how to pretend they aren’t.”有些人刚揣摩如何假装他们是不会“ 。
Maybe it was just the timing, or confirmation of something I already suspected, but it clicked with me.也许是刚才的时间，或确认的东西，我已经怀疑，但点击与我。 I can pinpoint that as the day that I figured out that it really didn’t matter whether anyone liked me or not, since they had their own problems.我可以查明，由于天，我揣摩，它真的没有，无论任何人都喜欢我，或没有，因为他们有自己的问题。
I don’t have the anxieties I used to have, at least not nearly as often.我手边没有忧虑，我以前有，至少不近的次数也会减少。 But I don’t think it’s coincidental that a significant number of my relationships are contained within the internet and this blog.但我不认为这是偶然的相当数目的关系，我都载有互联网及此博客。
I think it’s probably fair to say that most bloggers have the same sort of insecurities and social worries… it’s one of the reasons we blog.我认为这可能公平地说，大部分的博客也有同样排序的不安全因素和社会的忧虑… …它的原因之一，我们的博客。 Humans need that social outlet, we just choose to do it electronically.人类的需要，社会的出路，我们只选择做电子。
I didn’t make it to TequilaCon 08.我并没有作出它tequilacon 08 。 I just couldn’t afford it.我只是无法负担得起。 I WILL attend TequilaCon 09.我会参加tequilacon 09 。 And I hope that everyone out there who is normally too shy or self-conscious to attend events like that will suck it up and come along.我希望每个人都在那里谁是通常过于害羞，或自觉参加活动一样，将它吸吮和前来。 I’m sure that the “group” that hangs out here on my blog are every bit as friendly and open minded in person as they seem to be online.我敢肯定，认为“本集团”认为，挂起了在这里我的博客是每一个位作为友好和开放的态度，人，因为他们似乎是在线。
And if they aren’t?如果他们不呢？
Come find me next to the beer keg.来找到我旁边的啤酒keg 。 I’ll be the guy wearing a toga.我将那个身穿托加。
