Welcome to Jestertunes!欢迎jestertunes ！ If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed .如果您新在这里，您可能会想要订阅我的RSS馈送 。 Feel free to leave a comment, read through the archives, and enjoy yourself.觉得自由地离开评论，通读档案，并享受自己。 See you again real soon!再次看到你真正的尽快！
I have another side to my personality that most of you have not yet seen.我有另一面，我的个性，大部分的你还没有看到。 It doesn’t come to light very often, because I am an extremely patient man.它没有来轻很多时候，因为我是一个非常耐心的人。 Most of the time.*大部分的时间.*
But when my patience has been abused, the circumstances become dire enough, or I feel egregiously wronged, I have the ability to become an evil bastard.但是，当我的耐心已被滥用，成为可怕的情况下还不够，或我觉得egregiously委屈，我有能力成为一个邪恶的私生子。
I’m going to tell you a story that as far as I know, only 5 or 6 people have heard.我要告诉你一个故事，据我所知，只有5或6人听到。
I’ll leave out some of the gory back story details and boil them down to the following points about my ex-best friend Michele:我将离开了一些的血淋淋的回故事的细节和煮沸下来，以下列各点对我当然最好的朋友的Michele ：
- we met and even dated in high school much to the dismay of her conservative Christian family.我们见过面，甚至过时的，在高中很大的失望，她保守的基督教家庭。
- we lived together several times, in Missouri, Nashville, and out here in California.我们住在一起几倍，在密苏里州，纳什维尔，并在这里在加利福尼亚州。
- we were almost polar opposites in every single way, except our sense of humor which was always eerily similar.我们几乎极地对立统一在每一个单一的途径，除了我们的幽默感，这始终是类似的，两者惊人的相似。
- on many many many many many occasions she has insulted or pissed me off to the point of near-homicidal rage.对很多很多很多场合，她的侮辱或pissed我起飞点近杀人的愤怒。
- she met an extremely homophobic paralegal, Chris, who at last count has unsuccessfully taken the Bar exam 6 times.她会见了一个极其同性恋者准，克里斯，谁在最后计数已失败所采取的律师考试6倍。 He hates me and they call me “Wham!” behind my back because I’m so flamboyantly gay.**他讨厌我和他们打电话给我“ wham ” ！背后，我回因为我很flamboyantly同性恋**
- the last Christmas that we were speaking to each other, I spent over $100 on a nice set of bakeware for her Martha Stewart-obsessed pantry… she gave me a large bag of chocolates, knowing full well that I am one of those apparently bizarre people who hate chocolate.在刚过去的圣诞，我们在谈到向对方，我用了超过100元，好一套bakeware她的玛莎史都华-痴迷茶水…她给了我一个大袋的巧克力，深知我一人显然是奇怪的人谁恨巧克力。
- Chris, the boyfriend, has a habit of meeting girls who leave him for other girls.克里斯，男朋友，有个习惯，会议的女孩谁离开他的其他女孩。
- Michele was at one time in a three-year long relationship with a psycho named Kristen.米歇尔是在同一时间在一项为期三年的长期的合作关系与心理名为克里斯汀。
- She burned her bridges with me in a big way.她烧她的桥梁，与我在一个大的方式。
Last year, after we stopped speaking to each other, I stumbled across her blog.去年，当我们停止发言，向对方，我偶然遇到她的博客。 It was a lot of the same alternating cheesy romantic hooey and woe-is-me self pity that made up her journals.这是一个有很多相同的交替俗气的浪漫hooey和悲哀-是-我的自我很可惜，取得了她的期刊。 However, the blog announced her engagement to the Rhodes Scholar and detailed the wedding planning process.不过，博客宣布，她接触到罗兹学者和详细的婚礼规划过程。
One post (I can’t link to them because the blog is now MIA) talked about the mailing of the invitations and how people on the guest list would know if they were on the first cut or not based on the type of stamp that was on the envelope.一个职位（我不能连接到他们，因为博客是现在米娅）谈到邮寄邀请函，以及如何对人的嘉宾名单，便知道，如果他们就第一项削减或不是基于类型的邮票，这是在信封。 Classy.经典。 I left the following comment on that post:我离开了以下评论对后：
Guess you decided that since you live three blocks from me that you would just hand deliver my invitation.猜你决定，既然你住三个街区，从我说你只是一方面提供了我的邀请。 I look forward to attending.我期待着参加了会议。
At the same time, a mutual friend, Leayn, was making plans to make the trip out here for the wedding.在同一时间内，相互的朋友， leayn ，正在计划把此行此为婚礼。 She’sa music teacher in Kansas City and like most teachers is on a very limited budget . she'sa音乐教师在堪萨斯城和最喜欢的教师是一个非常有限的预算 。 She called me and asked if she could stay with me while she was here.她打电话给我，并询问如果她能留在我，而她是在这里。 She knew that it might seem a bit awkward given the circumstances, but also knew that I could be adult enough to not let it bother me.她知道，它可能似乎有点尴尬，鉴于这种情况，但也知道，我就可以成人，足以不让它困扰着我。 I told her that I would love to see her, and of course she was welcome to stay with me.我告诉她我喜欢看她，当然她是值得欢迎的留在了我。
Michele was not pleased with the arrangement at all.米歇尔是不是高兴的安排，在所有。 She threw a living hissy fit on the phone with Leayn.她的生活hissy适合在手机上与leayn 。 She was upset that I knew about the wedding.她不高兴，我知道的婚礼。 She was upset that I might know where or when it was happening, and she was pissed with Leayn for telling me, apparently she had forgotten that I had already left a comment on her blog.她不高兴，我可能不知从何或当它发生的事情，和她pissed与leayn为告诉我，显然她已忘记了我已经留下了评论，对她的博客。
Leayn decided that she no longer cared to attend the wedding. leayn决定，她不再关心出席婚礼。 She wasn’t exactly supportive of the marriage in the first place, being that Chris is a moron who doesn’t want kids, is homophobic, and is about as interesting as flies fucking on a freshly painted wall.她不正是支持婚姻摆在首位，被认为克里斯是一个木伦谁不想要孩子，是同性恋者，是因为有趣，因为苍蝇他妈的就一鲜墙画。
I had decided by this point that I had had quite enough of the whole mess.我已决定由这一点，我有相当足够的整个一塌糊涂。 So I devised a plan.***因此，我制订了一套计划***
Step One: Set up an anonymous email account.步骤一：成立一个匿名电子邮件帐户。 Yahoo is great for that.雅虎是非常适合。
Step Two: Call on the power of that almighty force that is Craigslist.步骤二：先以电话联络上的权力，即万能的力量，是Craigslist的。 Place the following ad:发生下列广告：
Gay Nudist Hiking Group Event Next Weekend同性恋nudist远足活动组在下周末
Hey all!嘿！
I’m putting together a group of about 15 friends who want to go on an au naturel picnic and hike in the Redwoods next Saturday.我把连同一组约15的朋友谁想要去的就非盟naturel野餐和上调，在redwoods下周六。 We’re all gay guys ranging in age from 25 to 40, but all like-minded folks are welcome.我们都是同性恋家伙不等，年龄由25至40 ，但大家都希望志同道合的乡亲欢迎。
We’d especially like to see some of our lesbian sisters come along (we need help making the fire! Ha! Ha!).我们希望，尤其是希望看到我们的一些女同志姐妹来（我们需要帮助，使着火了！公顷！公顷！ ） 。
Email me for details on the meeting place and time.以电子邮件寄给我的详情，关于这次会议的时间和地点。
Step Three: Direct all of the respondents to the exact location in the Redwood Forest National Park where Michele will be exchanging vows with Captain Fantastic.第三步：直接所有的受访者的确切位置在红木国家森林公园的Michele将交换誓言与船长神奇。
I got over 300 emails, including a couple from local nudist hiking groups who decided to forward the event to their membership lists.我得到超过三百名的电子邮件，其中包括一对夫妇从当地nudist远足团体谁决定着活动，他们的成员名单。 I answered every one.我回答每一个。
I didn’t attend the wedding.我没有出席婚礼。 It actually took every ounce of my willpower to not drive the three hours or so to watch the festivities from a distance.它实际上采取了每盎司我的意志没有驱动三个小时，或使观赏庆祝活动从一个距离。
I hear that the hiking event was a major success.我听到了远足活动是一项重大成功。 In fact, a couple of the groups that met that day decided to merge ranks.事实上，在一对夫妇的团体会面，这一天决定合并的行列。
Lest you think this is the most childish, vengeful, awful thing in the world I could have done, imagine for a moment what might have happened had I attached a photo of Chris Brightbulb, the groom, as the event organizer.否则，你认为这是最幼稚的，复仇，可怕的事，在世界上，我可以做的，试想一个时刻的情况会是怎样假如我重视的照片克里斯brightbulb ，新郎，作为活动的组织者。
The thought crossed my mind.思想越过我的主意。
Don’t fuck with me.不他妈的跟我。
* As long are you aren’t in front of me on the highway. *只要你不是在我前面，在高速公路上。 Or in a grocery store.或在一个杂货店。 Or at the bank.或在该银行。
** This is actually pretty funny, as I’m not really flamboyant at all. **其实这是相当可笑的，正如我不是真的在所有华丽的。 Not that there’s anything wrong with that.不是有什么不对的。
***I realize that my revealing this plan is likely to really upset my readers of the female persuasion. ***我知道我透露这个计划很可能要真正打破我的读者的女性游说工作。 I know exactly how important your wedding day is… how long you dream of it, imagine it, plan it, re-plan it, and stress about it.我知道到底有多么重要您的婚礼是天…多久，你的梦想，想象它，它计划，重新规划它，并强调这个问题。 But before you call for my beheading, just imagine how mad I must have been to hatch this plan.但在此之前要求我斩首，试想如何疯狂，我必须已孵化的这一计划。
