Welcome to Jestertunes!欢迎jestertunes ！ If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed .如果您新在这里，您可能会想要订阅我的RSS馈送 。 Feel free to leave a comment, read through the archives, and enjoy yourself.觉得自由地离开评论，通读档案，并享受自己。 See you again real soon!再次看到你真正的尽快！
We met online, back in the glory days of AOL , you know when there wasn’t an alternative.我们见过面线上，早在荣耀天内AOL的，你知道当时有没有一个替代的方法。 It was 1998 and I had just moved to California.这是1998年我刚移居加州。 I was living alone in my cute 2 bedroom apartment in the ghetto of Fairfield.我是独居在我可爱的2卧室的公寓，在犹太人区的费尔菲尔德。 He was from Sacramento.他是由Sacramento 。
We talked online for an evening, and spent a few nights talking to each other on the phone.我们谈到在网上一晚上，花了数夜交谈，对方在电话。 He had no picture to share (remember it was ‘98… digital cameras and scanners weren’t exactly common).他没有图片分享（记得是98 …数码相机和扫描仪并不完全共同） 。 So there was a quite lengthy description of himself included in our conversations about books, and movies, and music.因此，是一个相当冗长的描述自己包含在我们的交谈约书，电影以及音乐。 He had seen pictures of me, as I was an early adopter of a flatbed scanner.他看到的照片，我，正如我是一个早期采用者一个平台式扫描器。
He described himself as 5′9″ latin, with black hair, brown eyes, with an eyebrow piercing.他形容自己是5'9 “拉丁美洲，黑头发，棕色眼睛，眉毛一穿孔。 He was studying dance, and described himself as having a “dancer’s body” and a “fairly muscular 165 pounds.” He was 22.他是学习舞蹈，并形容自己有一个“舞者的身体”和“公平肌肉一百六十五磅， ”他是22 。
Be still my heart.还是我的心。 These are some of my favorite things!这些都是一些我最喜爱的东西！ Shorter than me, dark hair and eyes, a bit alternative, artistic, in much better shape than myself, and slightly younger.少于我，深色头发和眼睛，有点另类，艺术，在好得多的形状，比我自己，和稍年轻。 Yippee! yippee ！ The fact that he could carry on a conversation about books and movies and music meant that I was in danger of meeting someone I could be with.事实上，他可以进行对一个会话有关的书籍和电影与音乐的意思，我是在危险的会议上有人，我就可以。
We made plans to meet on a Friday evening.我们作出的计划，以满足在一个星期五晚上。 I would take off work a bit early and head the 40 miles to downtown Sacramento.我想借此小康的工作有点早，掌管40英里的市中心的国王。 He’d stay at work a bit late and we’d meet at Starbucks.他要留在工作稍迟，我们要满足在星巴克。 He was missing his carpool, so I had agreed to make sure he got home after we grabbed some coffee and maybe went out to dinner after.他是失踪，他的合伙用车，所以我已同意，以确保他回家后，我们抓住了一些咖啡和可能失控，吃饭后。
I arrived at Starbucks right on time.我到达星巴克的权利，对时间。 I walked in, anxious to meet Dominic and move on with the rest of our lives together.我走在，焦虑，以满足多米尼克及动议就与其余的我们的生活在一起。 He’d teach me Spanish, I’d teach him to play the guitar, and oh how my cats would adore him.他要教我西班牙语，我要教他扮演的吉他，和OH如何我的猫会崇拜他。
There was only one person in the place, looking out the window.有只有一个人在的地方，寻找出窗口。 I paid him no attention and ordered some syrupy sweet disgusting $4 latte and sat down.我对他没有注意，并命令一些syrupy甜反感， 4元，拿铁坐下。
And waited.和等待。
A couple of guys came in and left while I was sitting there.一对夫妇的家伙来，在离开，而我坐在那里。 No one fit Dominic’s description, and I was beginning to think I had been stood up.没有一个合适的星的描述，我开始觉得我已经站起来了。
And then, the guy who had been sitting across the room the whole time looked my way and smiled.然后，那个谁已坐在地跨房间进行，整个时间看我的方式和笑了。 He had an eyebrow piercing.他眉毛一穿孔。 I approached him warily, and said, “Are you Dominic?” i走近他warily ，并说， “你是星” ？
“Yeah. “嗯。 I thought that was you, but wasn’t completely sure,” he replied.我还以为是你，但不完全确定， “他回答。
“Huh, well, I suppose we should get out of here,” I said, trying very hard to disguise the annoyance in my voice. “嗯，那么我想我们应该跳出在这里，他说： ”我，很努力，掩饰烦扰，在我的声音。
We walked out and headed toward my car.我们走出和走向我的汽车。 Buckled in, and I started the car.屈曲在，我开始了汽车。 “You’re going to have to give me directions to your place. “您将会有给我指示，以您的位置。 I don’t my way around very well,” I said.我不我的方式靠近很好， “我说。
“We’re not going to dinner?” “我们不打算晚餐” ？
“No. “号 I really have to get home.”我真的要回家“ 。
He gave me directions to the freeway, and we drove in silence for a few minutes.他给我指示，以高速公路，我们将在沉默了数分钟。
“You’re upset with me,” he said. “您与我不高兴， ”他说。 “I don’t understand what’s wrong.” “我不明白有什么不对” 。
“Well, let me count the number of things that are wrong,” my voice was rising commiserate with my annoyance level. “好，让我指望有多少事情是错的， ”我的声音不断上升commiserate与我的烦扰的水平。 “First, you are not latino. “首先，你是不是拉美裔。 You are filipino.你是菲律宾。 Second, you are barely five foot two, six inches shorter than you told me.第二，你是勉强5英尺2 ，六英寸少于你告诉我。 Thirdly, you told me more than once that you had a dancer’s body.第三，你告诉我不止一次地说，您有一个舞者的身体。 I’m willing to bet that you outweigh me.我愿意打赌，你大于我。 I’m guessing that you are wearing sweatpants with a blazer because you can’t find slacks with a big enough waist and short enough inseam to fit you.我猜你是身穿sweatpants与Blazer的，因为你无法找到裤，与一个大足够的腰部和短期足够的inseam ，以适应你。 Dancer’s body!?舞者的身体！ ？ What did you do, EAT THE DANCER?!?”什么你做的，吃的舞者？ ！ “ ？
I don’t know if I have ever been that completely mean to another person before, possibly not since, but I was furious.我不知道如果我从未完全意味着向另一人之前，可能不会，因为，但我是愤怒。
We rode in silence, save for his directing me to his place just outside of town.我们乘坐在沉默，除了他的指挥我到他的地方，只是以外的城市。 When we pulled up in front of his house, he said, “Thanks for the ride.当我们停在前面的他的房子，他说： “感谢一路同行。 The bus ride out here takes forever.”该乘坐巴士，这里永远需要“ 。
“So there’s no car pool, either, huh? “因此没有汽车库，无论是，吧？ I think you’ve lied about everything.”我觉得您说谎一切“ 。
“I didn’t think you’d be interested in me or want to continue talking to me if I told you the truth,” he cried. “我没想到您有兴趣在我或想继续跟我说话，如果我告诉你真相， ”他大叫道。
I responded with, “Now you’ll never know.”我回答， “现在您将永远不知道” 。
And I don’t know what possessed him to do this, maybe some last ditch act of desperation, maybe some psychosis or delusion, but just before he got out of the car, he said, “Don’t you want to see what you’re missing?” He pulled down his enormous sweat pants revealing a penis that I can only describe as tiny.我不知道拥有什么，他这样做，或许有些最后垂死的行为，铤而走险，或许有些精神病或妄想，只是之前他失控的汽车，他说： “你不希望看到你'重新失踪？ “他拉低他的巨大的汗水裤子露出一个阴茎，我只能形容为微小。 Seriously tiny.认真微小。 Like shorter and with less girth than my pinkie finger tiny.像较短和较少的周长比我pinkie手指微小。 As in, I’ve seen bigger cocks on 5 year olds, tiny.作为在，我见过大公鸡就五年的年轻人，微小的。 Smaller than some clitorises tiny.*小于clitorises一些微小的.*
“Dominic, I think you mean what YOU are missing,” I spat. “多米尼克，我觉得你的意思是什么，你是失踪， ”我吐口水。 “I’m gonna bet your name isn’t even Dominic, am I right?” “我在哪里打赌你的名字甚至没有多米尼克，我的权利” ？
He pulled his pants up, opened the car door, sighed and replied, “You’re right.他拿出他的裤子，打开车门，叹了口气，并回答了， “您的权利。 It’s Doug.”它的道格“ 。
* The last time I saw a weenie that small, it was packed with 11 of its friends and stamped Vienna Sausage. *我最后一次看到一个weenie小，这是包装的有11个朋友和盖章维也纳香肠。 That was one worm in need of a fish hook.这是一个蠕虫病毒需要一个鱼钩。 David Letterman could have used it for a toothpick.大卫赖特曼可以用它为牙签。 I didn’t know whether to tickle it, or pop it.我不知道是否tickle ，或弹出式窗口。 His condom size was “innie.” He could have painted it green and gone trick or treating as a gherkin.**他避孕套的大小是“ innie ” ，他可以画，它的绿色和经历的伎俩或治疗作为一个gherkin **
** Yes, I did go for the dick jokes. **是的，我没有去为迪克笑话。 You wanna fight about it?您想要扑灭它呢？
