When I talk about work, I always talk about it in vague terms, and always in a positive light. I figure anything else is dangerous to my career.

(It occurs to me that my comment in relation to your entry doesn’t make much sense. My point is that writing or not writing about work is my storytelling dilemma, and I choose to be vague and positive. That make more sense?)

To be blunt, I try not to tell stories that involve people in real life who might be upset at seeing themselves in print on my blog. I view it as a privacy issue. Using a pseudonym and changing some of the locations, or action that occured can be a saving grace, but it’s also iffy. My advice would be to just not finish the story if you think this person could react adversely.

This is a hard question, because you know I have issues with such things with my own blog. You and I have talked about it. Though I am going to offer your own advice. Tell the story. When you tell it your don’t have to be cruel to this person. Just be factual. Maybe it will be the thing that gets you and this person to reconnect.

i am agreeing with dan nowak…tell the story as factual as possible. make every effort not to be biased. perhaps in the telling either you or the other person will have a light bulb moment and realize a character flaw or boneheaded move on their part. regardless, the truth is the truth and should be told. (well, “should be” told simply because i am dying to know more. you clucked, now lay!)

i’m with Dan and hello.

personally, i gave up on anonymity ages ago. it got too hard and seemed insincere (i’m not saying this would be true for you; just what happened with me). the first responses i got when i published my full name were all about my safety — as though suddenly i’d be in danger because my last name was now known. what about “real” writers? journalists? even famous bloggers — we all know dooce’s name, for example. but i digress.

as for writing about other people, i try and treat it this way: if the story is about me and things that have happened in my life, then i feel i have a right to tell it. when it comes to writing about other people, i try and be as objective and factual as possible. i try very hard to stay away from anything i don’t know first-hand, or repeating conversations i heard through someone else.

you can always provide qualifications, such as: “this is how i remember it, i’m sure there are parts of the story i don’t know” (etc.) the biggest issue for me, when i was writing about my divorce, was trying not to ascribe reason for my ex’s actions. simply “he did” or “he said.” if ever i did ascribe motivation, i tried to do it in the best light possible.

just my thoughts…

Hey Gang -

Thanks for the advice… I’ve given the party in question plenty of time to object, and he hasn’t, so the story will continue in its original form.

Thanks again!

[...] * I’ve given Matt plenty of time to object to my writing about this. He never responded, and while I don’t wish to intentionally out anyone ever, I find it morally reprehensible in fact, I know that Matt isn’t exactly closeted. His family knows (a story that I’ll tell later) and anyone who knows him personally is clued in. What I do know is that Matt is again persuing a record contract and I don’t want to cause him any trouble. However, the fact that Matt is gay is materially important to the rest of this story and those that follow. You can now maybe understand the pickle I was in. [...]