Welcome to Jestertunes!欢迎jestertunes ！ If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed .如果您新在这里，您可能会想要订阅我的RSS馈送 。 Feel free to leave a comment, read through the archives, and enjoy yourself.觉得自由地离开评论，通读档案，并享受自己。 See you again real soon!再次看到你真正的尽快！
First, let me start by saying, Congratulations on the birth of your daughter .首先，请允许我首先要说，祝贺的诞生，您的女儿 。 I’m sure this is a happy, if not strangely silent time for you.我敢肯定，这是一个愉快的，如果不是奇怪的沉默的时间给你。
Now that we have exchanged pleasantries, let’s get down to business.现在我们已经交换了pleasantries ，让我们坐下来的业务。 Please go away.请离开。 Take your weird ass freakishly large nose and goofy teeth to the exalted alien inhabited volcano and throw yourself inside.你怪异的驴freakishly大鼻子和疯疯癫癫的牙齿，以崇高的外国人居住在火山和扔自己内。 You have worn out your welcome.你有磨损了你的欢迎。 In the past year, your face is everywhere…在过去的一年里，你面对的是无处不在…
- on billboards for shitty movies where you are upstaged by a nine-year-old girl,对广告牌为shitty电影你身在何处风头一9岁的女孩，
- in every magazine even tangentially related to the entertainment world, usually with ‘aww isn’t she cute and doe-eyed’ Katie Holmes on your arm… you’ve become TomKat… pardon me, I just threw up a little,在每一个杂志，甚至切相关的娱乐世界，通常是与' aww是不是她可爱和能源部眼睛'凯蒂赫尔姆斯对你的手臂… …你已经成为tomkat …原谅我，我只是投掷了一个不大，
- on Oprah going completely batshit, I mean really… I’ve seen people on Ecstasy with a Crack Chaser that were more coherent and self-controlled than you,对奥普拉去完全batshit ，我的意思是真的… …我已经看到人民的忘我与一支精锐驱逐舰被更加连贯和自我控制的比你，
- and most importantly, your melt down on the Today Show with Matt Lauer, where you proclaimed yourself to be an expert in pharmacology, psychology, and gynocology.最重要的是，您的熔体上了今天的显示与马特劳尔，在那里您宣布自己是一个专家，药理学，心理学，和gynocology 。
Let me put this in perspective for you… you are an *actor.* A mediocre-at-best actor, no less.让我把这个角度来看你… …你是一个演员* *一平庸- -最佳男演员，没有少。 You are good for mindless, poorly written scripts involving big explosions and lots of computer generated images.你是好的，为不合情理的，不好的书面剧本，涉及大爆炸和大量的计算机生成图像。 (So what if you were in Magnolia, you were the perfect choice for that sleazy character, it was bit of typecasting, and frankly I think that part was written for you.) You are allowed the occasional political comment before we grow tired of your babbling. （那么，如果你在木兰，你的最佳选择为sleazy的性格，这是有点typecasting ，坦白说，我认为这部分是为您的书面） 。你可以偶尔政治评论之前，我们的成长厌倦了你胡说什么。
The general public (yes I think I am speaking for the general public here) does not care if you belong to a cult, and let’s not kid ourselves here, Tom, Scientology is a cult… but you have to keep that stupid shit to yourself!普罗大众（是我觉得我的发言，为广大市民在这里）不在乎如果您属于邪教，让我们不要自己的孩子在这里，汤姆，科学是邪教… …但你必须保持愚蠢shit外围给您自己！ I don’t care if you believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or Mohammed, or Jesus… but why do you feel the need to push it on us?我不介意如果您认为在飞行面的怪物，或穆罕默德，或耶稣… …但是，为什么你觉得有需要把它放在我们呢？ Do you realize that you have now traded your comma statement from “Tom Cruise, actor in blockbuster movies like Mission Impossible and War of the Worlds” for “Tom Cruise, Gullible Psychotic Freak…errr… Scientologist.” Do you feel so strongly about the Alien race in the mountain that you’re willing to make that trade?你知道你现在买卖，您的逗号声明从“汤姆克鲁斯，演员在电影一样，不可能完成的任务和世界之战”为“汤姆克鲁斯，轻信精神病怪胎… errr … scientologist ”你觉得这么强烈的有关外来种族，在山区您愿意作出这样的贸易？
And Tom, sweetie, if you think for a SECOND that we believe that you actually impregnated Katie Holmes by inserting your… heh… penis… in..和Tom ，心上人，如果你认为为第二，我们相信你，其实浸渍凯蒂赫尔姆斯插入您的港灯… … …阴茎英寸。 heh..港灯.. to… her… hahhahahaha… wait a second… *wipes tears* … *clears throat*… the point is, the kid might actually be your biological child, but we know you were fantasizing about being stuck on a mountain with Heath Ledger when you filled that turkey baster.以她的… … … hahhahahaha等待第二次… … * *擦拭眼泪… … *清除喉咙* …问题是，孩子实际上可能会成为您的生物儿童，但我们知道你是幻想被卡在山与希思总帐当您填补，土耳其baster 。 You know what, it’s ok… I’m gay… there’s nothing wrong with it..你知道什么，它的确定… …我与她是同性恋…有没有错，它.. embrace it.拥抱它。 You might think it’sa well-kept secret about your contractual marriage to Nicole… but it’s not… and your vehement denial of the many many gay ‘rumors’ only proves the point further.您可能认为这是良好的保密您的合同婚姻妮可… …但它不是… …和您的强烈否定的很多同性恋'传闻' ，只有证明了这一点进一步。
Come on… embrace it… march in the parade..来就它的怀抱… … 3月在巡游.. bring the TomKitten and teach her how to be tolerant and open minded and loving… oh never mind, she’ll become a little alien princess too.把tomkitten ，并教她如何成为宽容和开放的胸襟和爱…哦不要紧，她会成为一个小公主的外国人太多。
You know what would be great… if little Suri (oh please… Suri!?) ends up having a passionate lesbian affair with Brooke Shields’ new daughter, also born today.你知道会有什么伟大的… …如果小suri （哦，请… suri ！ ？ ）结束后，热情女同志的内政，与布鲁克盾牌'新的女儿，也出生的今天。 Wouldn’t that be great?不会是这样的伟大呢？
When that happens, and only then, are you allowed to grace the cover of US magazine again.在此情况下，只有到那时，你允许的宽限期，封面上美国杂志再次。
Sincerely,此致，
Jester.弄臣。
