I realize this is going to stir up a bunch of shit, but I’m beyond the point of caring.
So, this guy Nick from Florida who has lived in San Francisco for the past two years threatened to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge last night via twitter:
Taking the 22 bus to the Golden aGate bridge. Too kill myself. Life isn’t worht living. Fuxk u all. Cya 10:45 PM Dec 15th from Tweetie
Alright I’m here…fuck u all…esp the one who knows it th emost. At the bridge..try and stop me now you asshole. Fuck u all for not caring 11:25 PM Dec 15th from HootSuite
Which prompted me to post this:
is it @nickstarr-suicide-from-golden-gate-bridge o’clock again already? 11:39 PM Dec 15th from Tweetie
Which some people seem to think was insensitive.
Right. Normally, I would agree. Normally, I would never
think say such a thing.
However, anyone who has followed Nick for more than, say a month, know that makes these statements on a regular basis. Like, really regular. As in “I’ve lost count how many times this has happened.”
People who follow Nick or have heard about him have also, undoubtedly, heard the drama surrounding his “homelessness.” I put quotes around “homelessness” because Nick has voluntarily chosen to live on the streets in an effort to save money for elective cosmetic surgery. He hasn’t lost his job (surprisingly). He’s not like millions of Americans who are unemployed, or living below the poverty level. He’s not a discarded disable veteran. He’s not a victim of foreclosure. He’s not suffered some horrible string of events that has left him with no place to live. No, Nick has lost around 100 pounds and instead of being happy about his positive and healthy changes in his weight, he’s fixated on the extra skin that has been left behind. In other words, he wants a tummy tuck so badly that he has chosen to sleep in parks and on sidewalks, and begging for online donations.
And he hasn’t stopped whining about it since.
When u’re the edge of spending the night on the streets you would think a friend would show up to take u in. Alas apparenly I’m friendless. 8:50 PM Jul 31st from Tweetie
Please if you are going to ask me questions about why I’m homeless, what surgery I want, etc read this first http://bit.ly/NicksQA 10:49 AM Aug 5th from HootSuite
Any friend who hasn’t bothered to ask how I’m doing nearly a month into being homeless, is NOT my friend any longer. I’m done with f(l)akes. 9:37 PM Aug 29th from twhirl
The heartless bastards at EdFund who garnished my wages for my student loans can’t/won’t deffer/lower my payments b/c I’m homeless 4:50 PM Sep 9th from HootSuite
inside a bar drinking & chatting it up w/ the staff, great. Finishing up and picking up my 20+lb backpack and remembering I’m homeless, bad. 7:22 PM Sep 18th from qTweeter
Holy shit. Wednesday is my 100th day living on the streets of San Francisco homeless in order to save for @NicksTuck. 8:31 PM Dec 7th from Tweetie
It’s cold and I’m being rained on, both literally and emotionally, in San Bruno. This is how I spend my 100th night homeless #WishIWasntBorn 2:45 AM Dec 10th from Tweetie
Crisis averted; I shook the mac until the screen turned on. Thinking about staying homeless an extra month to save up for a new computer now 1:48 PM Dec 11th from HootSuite
To all the people who said love should be easy..what about me? I’m effed up. How would someone love me? I’m homeless, body issues, depressed 5:47 PM Dec 11th from Seesmic
Did I forget to mention that this is not the first time he has made the conscious decision to be homeless?
But back to his suicide cries… I took a quick look through his twitter stream, back as far back as I could stand to go (not that far). Let’s look at just last week:
I feel like a gross fat ugly nasty mess tonight. Why would any guy ever want me? I wish I was never born. 7:12 PM Dec 13th from Tweetie
I am so drink. I want someone to kill me. Ikm at Badlands now. Twin peaks hotel rookm 48 later. Make it painleess. Kill me.Kill me. Kill me. 7:38 PM Dec 13th from Tweetie
Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.Kill me.Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.Kill me.Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill 7:43 PM Dec 13th from Tweetie
The next day:
Maybe I drank too much last night…. 7:50 AM Dec 14th from web
Or how about last month, when he planned to starve himself to death to alleviate any “moral/religious” issues he has with suicide:
U people don’t get it; the starvation isn’t about weightloss, its about killing myself. Not drinking is b/c of what I lost last time I drank 7:16 PM Nov 14th from web
It seems there’s a pattern to his depressive episodes… it follows nights out when he’s been drinking heavily. He even acknowledges this, sort of:
Almost every single instance of depression has been while I’m drinking; and no guy has wanted to be my bf b/c I’m fat; so cut out the intake 4:58 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
Not enough of a pattern for you? Let’s go back a bit further:
If someone wanted to kill me tonight…I’d be more than happy to accept your offer…Death is the only great adventure. I’m a fat loser 8:18 PM Jul 29th from Tweetie
KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL 8:19 PM Jul 29th from Tweetie
STOP FUCKING TEXTING AND CALLING ME YOU ASSHOLES…NONE OF YOU CARE FOR ME AT ALL…YOU ARE ALL LIARS AND NO ONE LOVES ME 9:25 PM Jul 29th from Tweetie
If you want to know me then read this http://bit.ly/NickIsFat I will forever be that fat ugly loser in my head…I wish I was aborted 9:29 PM Jul 29th from Tweetie
I couldn’t bring myself to go any further, but had I wanted, I could have brought you to July 3rd, 2009 when he tweeted that he was headed to the Golden Gate Bridge to throw himself over the edge. He was stopped by the cops and hospitalized involuntarily for 24 hours. Or the time before that… or the time before that… OR back to his first Twitter suicide wolf cry that gave him a taste of positive attention, culminating in a newspaper articles written about him.
Alright I’m out Twitter…time to get a few more drinks and debate jumping from a bridge tonight, Sunshine Skyway Bridge here I come. 09:17 PM August 01, 2007 from web
Just paid the toll for the skyway bridge…should I stop at the top? What should I do with my car? I guess leave it there. 09:27 PM August 01, 2007 from web
alright this is it. Parked my car. I wish everyone who ever was nice to me well. See you in the next life – August 01, 2007
So when I say I’m skeptical about the seriousness of his latest threat, perhaps it’s not so hard to understand why.
And now we come back full circle to the most recent episode. Nick hasn’t been seen online since his last tweet. His facebook page is full of people from two camps, those who are new to his drama that are begging for people who know him to report if Nick is ok or not, and those who were/are encouraging him to jump.
I am not in either camp.
I’m seemingly in a hotel all by myself… someone who knows Nick personally, who has offered help and friendship and been turned down. I have many friends in common with him who have offered him help.
I understand that he is mentally ill, there really is no question about it. Anyone who voluntarily lives on the street and threatens suicide with every third cosmopolitan clearly has issues.
But I am also certain that he habitually and routinely abuses his facebook and twitter followers by manipulating them into providing him with some sick positive attention.
I wrote the following on the “fuck u all” Facebook posting:
Look… even if he actually managed to leap from the bridge, I’m reminded of the boy who cried wolf.
The fact of the matter is, Nick has repeatedly denied help. He doesn’t want therapy. He doesn’t want rehab. And until he does, no one will be able to help him.
He cries for sympathy for being homeless without realizing the ridiculousness of his situation. He *chose* to be homeless. So any whining about how cold it is, or how many bugs bite his face gets is a gigantic slap in the face to anyone who is, or ever has been homeless due to circumstances they couldn’t control.
He cries about never having a second date, when he regularly tweets about his dates DURING the date, as if the guy doesn’t have any idea how to use an iphone or computer, when in all likelihood they met on craigslist, adam 4 adam, or grindr.
He posts photos of his tricks without any mention of whether or not they gave him permission to do so. My guess is a majority had no idea that he did it. That doesn’t really make him a great candidate for a boyfriend.
He refuses to listen to anyone who tells him that this surgery isn’t going to magically make his life better… that until he learns to like himself and work on becoming a better person he will always struggle with these self-esteem issues.
He screams that he has no real friends, but fails to mention that what he really means is ‘friends that meet some special requirement.’ I personally have invited him to join my bf and I at various events in the city. He’s not turned up once, because they weren’t in the Castro with a gaggle of gay guys where he might get laid.
I’ve defended Nick in the past when he was (most likely) accused of things by people who didn’t even know him. I talked to him long before he came out. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt because he was a fat kid who grew up and came out late (which I totally relate to) but after the 4th (or 12th? Who knows) suicide threat I realized that this is the only way he knows to get any positive attention.
He has done this so often that he manages to get featured in newspaper articles about the power of social networking in preventing suicides! This dates back to before he moved to San Francisco, even.
So while I do sincerely hope that Nick is ok. I’m incredibly disgusted that he continues to pull this bullshit and conning new people who don’t know his tricks into getting concerned and frantic over his antics.
And it’s true. I hope he’s ok. But when this turns out to be the latest hoax, I’m done.
â€œAfter a day in the hospital, and a day offline to myself today, I wanted to say that I am ok, but would like simply to be alone for a while. 9 minutes ago from HootSuite â€
So, there you go. As I suspected, he has once again totally played his audience and will do this again.
And if he ends up washing up on the shoreline in Richmond or Pacifica (two places where most of the numerous Golden Gate Bridge Jumpers end up) in a few days, all I can say is “rest in peace. What a waste.”