Apr 25
Faceoff: Killer and Liz
in Faceoff
 

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I love this idea so much I think I’m going to make it a part of my regular repertoire. I have interviewed two old friends separately and they have assured me that they did not confer with each other on their answers. It’s sort of like the old game show, The Newlywed Game.

The contestants for this edition are Killer and Liz of Killer Rants. If you are not regularly reading their shared blog, you are missing out on some great stories involving booze, sex, friendship, flatulence, and lots and lots of talk about Killer’s Balls.

Enjoy!

Question: Where did you meet each other? What were each of you wearing?

Although we went to the same high school, we really met at a friend’s house (David or Ricky are proper answers). I don’t think Killer knows this, but at the time, they introduced him as “Kelly”- which he went by at the time. I was extremely messed up the night we met and I laughed my ass off because his name was Kelly. I kept imagining him as the Irishman on the label of Kelly’s chili. He should know that. I’ll bet he’s always wondered why I kept staring and laughing. That may or may not be the night we were scraping up bail for some friends we thought had gotten arrested.

I’m not sure what either of us was wearing, but I’m sure I had huge hair.
It was an extremely long time ago, but I seem to recall meeting Liz for the first time at a guy named Jimmy Miller’s house. He would throw these crazy parties and Liz was a regular attendant, and I would also become a regular fixture.

I was probably wearing a black Poison T-shirt, sagging ass blue jeans (pre cool ghetto saggy), and some skateboard shoes.

Liz was probably wearing an Aerosmith T-shirt, blue jeans, and sporting a bear in one hand and a bong in the other.

 

I’m confused about why Liz might have a bear in one hand and a bong in the other, but then again, that could describe some parties *I* have been too. Score for this round: Liz: +0 Killer: +0

Question: Which of you are most likely get married first? Children?

Tough one. I think Killer is more open to marriage, but I think I’ll be most likely to find someone I think I can put up with for the next 40 years. Probably me with marriage and him with kids. I’ll never have children unless they are part of the package deal.
Oof, hit below the belt. It is becoming more and more probable that Liz and I will live in the same neighborhood as spinsters. Liz with her fifteen cats, and me with my failing liver.

IF either of us has kids, I would say I am 100% confident I will be first.

Liz: +1 Killer +1

Question: What are your favorite movies?

He gets points if he knows ANY of these movies are my favorites: Old School, Office Space, Young Frankenstein. For him, I’m guessing Star Wars or some sort of porn.
My favorite movie is “The Empire Strikes Back”. Liz’s favorite movie is “Porky’s”

Liz: +1 Killer: +1

 

Question: Which of your friends are you most likely to catch the other in bed with? Which of their friends are you most likely to sleep with?

I guess Chad would be the answer to both.
Liz would be caught in bed with Chad, because Chad is a whore.

I would sleep with Liz’s BFF, Kim, but just so I could always torture Liz by saying, “Do you remember when I was banging Kim and you walked in?”

I gotta meet Chad. Liz: +1.5 Killer: +1

Question: What is your most annoying habit? What is your counterpart’s most annoying habit?

Me have an annoying habit? Puleez…. Ok…. I can talk nonstop and usually do. He might also mention that I’m a bit of a neat freak, even when guests are over. I’ll start cleaning up and expect them to all pitch in. They do not agree with my philosophy, sorry bastards. Killer’s is farting to piss me off. Or just farting. It’s more than a function, it’s a thrill for him.
My most annoying habit is farting around Liz. I don’t know if I try extra hard around her, or if it is a subconscious desire to torment her, but I can really bring the funk when we are together.

Liz’s most annoying habit is pretending like she doesn’t like my flatulence.

UMB and I have been together nearly five years and I still do not break wind in front of him. It’s like the height of rudeness to me. He, on the other hand, has no problem letting them rip. Drives me crazy. Liz: +1 Killer: +1.25

Question: Have you ever written a post that pissed the other off? Link them!

I don’t know how to link…. but no. He hasn’t and I don’t think I have either.
I don’t think I have ever written anything that has pissed Liz off. I am eager to see the answer to this one.

Liz has never pissed me off in the blog. We share a very laid back mentality. She did, however, confuse me with Meet Mr. Killer Rants. She said, “Killer has a sad appreciation for bad movies.” I do not like bad movies. I rarely go see anything that is a typical Hollywood cookie-cutter film. I would never see “Wild Hogs” (But Jester did). I usually reserve my movie going for computer animated cartoons, indie films, and such.

Again with making me justify my viewing of Wild Hogs! It stars William H. Macy for crying out loud! Plus, it didn’t cost me anything, and I didn’t pick it! Talk to Othurme or UMB about that! Liz: +2 Killer: +2

Question: When was the last time each of you cried?

I am a frigid bitch and haven’t cried since the 90’s. Killer probably cried when his nephew was born.

I’m serious about the crying. I don’t do it often. Really, the last time I remember crying was when I was in the hospital with my mom. She was coming out of surgery. I only cried for a second, but it’s the last time I remember.
I don’t really remember the last time I woefully cried, but I am a bitch at movies. I get all teary eyed when the good guy prevails, when the hero dies, etc.

I don’t know if Liz can cry.

Liz: +1 Killer: +1 Though I should deduct points from Killer for being a “bitch at movies.”

Question: What body part do you each notice on the opposite sex? (Since I know you are both straight.:) )

The face- but specifically the smile, for me. Ass or tits for Killer, depending on the view.
I notice their face first. I really like the girl next door look. I also love a good ass, though.

I bet Liz is an ass woman.

Liz: +1.5 Killer: +1

Question: It’s a Saturday night, how drunk are the two of you?

I am standing by the lake at dawn drunk, weaving to and fro or in bed totally sober. No in-betweens. Killer is at the pub, faculties in full function, slight buzz.
I have been laying off the booze since January. It is part of my “100 the Hard Way” campaign. I am going to lose 100 pounds in six months.

If Liz does not have a paper due for school, she is ripped. She is probably chasing her Roomba auto vacuum cleaner around the house with a stick in one hand and a martini glass in the other.

Uh… I understand the martini glass, but I’m a little confused by the purpose of the stick.Liz: +0 Killer: +0

Question: Did you know each other in a past life? How were you related?

We did know each other in a past life. I was several years older, graying with a beard. I taught Philosophy at the local Community College. Killer worked at the mini-mart where I bought my dirty magazines. We struck up a conversation, but never became too close. He did give me a ride home once, when my car had a flat in the parking lot. He came in and saw my house, very nicely appointed for a community college instructor. He helped me change the flat and we enjoyed a beer together. He met my wife. She was the one with the money.

It was somewhat awkward when he enrolled in one of my classes. I gave him an A for never letting anyone in on my secret, even though he only deserved at B+.
In a past life me and Liz were tape worms living inside a drunk, homeless guy’s bowels. I guess you could say we were related, we hatched together on the same piece of rancid meat eaten out of a dumpster. It was a rough life, not much in the way of food, but the steady flow of alcohol would set the stage for every life we have lived since.

Mostly for creativity… Liz: +2 Killer: +2

Excellent! Let’s just tally up the points here…. Liz accumulated 11 points. Killer picked up 10.25 points. Congratulations Liz, though you haven’t won anything, other than bragging rights that you know more about Killer than he knows about you.

Wanna play along? Leave me a comment or drop me a note on my Contact Page and I’ll interview you and a friend to see how well you know each other!

15 Responses to “Faceoff: Killer and Liz”
 

OMG this was great!!! I am sooo wishing I had a counterpart right now!!

Would Amy or Avitable count?

Seriously Jester, this was brilliant!

Miss Britt wrote on April 25th, 2007 at 8:20 am

 
 

awesome, awesome post, jester. you had already made me addicted to killer and liz on a daily basis, but this was the chococolate icing (with sprinkles) on my cake. thanks, bay-bee!

killer & loz - loven yinz!

hellohahanarf wrote on April 25th, 2007 at 10:29 am

 
 

hehe…i wrote “chococolate”
wtf??

hellohahanarf wrote on April 25th, 2007 at 10:29 am

 
 

Miss Britt - Of course Amy or Avitable would count. As long as either of them are up for! Just let me know and I’ll get to work on your questions.

Hellohahanarf - Chococolate must be what you call it when you take a bottle of Hershey’s Syrup to bed. See also, Chonipplate and Cholabiate.

jester wrote on April 25th, 2007 at 10:47 am

 
 

Very funny. Kudos to you Jester! Wish I’d thought of it first. Dammit. Maybe I did think of it first and you just beat me to it. yeah. I’m gonna go with that.

-Mel

Mel Francis wrote on April 25th, 2007 at 4:37 pm

 
 

Thanks for doing this. It was a lot of fun. But did we REALLY need a test to prove that I know more than Killer? :) By the way, I think you gave him some false points here and there. Porky’s?! Never.

Liz wrote on April 25th, 2007 at 4:47 pm

 
 

Oh my, that was funny!
I think I would have a grand time doing something like that. I went on a trip with some students I work with to Yosemite. While I was there I kept getting into arguments with only one other teacher. We would yell at each other about the strangest things, like AAVE (African American Vernacular English) which is a fucking crock..but whatever..lol.
Good times!

Branden wrote on April 25th, 2007 at 6:34 pm

 
 

this was great! i loved it and i’m with you and liz on the whole ‘passing gas’ bit. j and i have been together for 9 years now. he saw me give birth to our daughter. and i ~still~ can’t break wind in front of him. he on the other hand does what i call walk bys. he’ll walk by, let one rip and say there’s a kiss for ya babe. i need a taser. lol

heather wrote on April 25th, 2007 at 6:35 pm

 
 

Mel - Welcome! :) You have any other great ideas I can steal borrow?

Liz - You’re welcome. I had fun with it! (I think we all knew who was going to win this game from the beginning!) He didn’t get points for Porky’s! He got points for saying Empire Strikes Back. I think I was more than fair with the scoring system, which was totally arbitrary and made up as I went along.

Branden - I think the more interesting story is how you managed to spend several days in Yosemite with a whole bunch of developmentally disabled kids. Did you come back with the same number you left with?

Heather - I usually throw whatever is handy at UMB when he does it… remote control, wine glass, cat… but the more I think about it, the more I like the Taser idea.

jester wrote on April 25th, 2007 at 7:22 pm

 
 

Well, to tell you the truth…it was like Jerry Springer in the wilderness. We left the school with 20 students and came back with all of them. But oh my dog….I wanted to jump off Yosemite falls a few times. This is the second year we have taken them (Students with special needs). Last year most of them were severely handicapped but this year only a few were and the rest were emotionally disturbed (A State of California Education code recognized title). TALK ABOUT DRAMA!!! OMD!!! I won’t go into tooooo much detail because I’m tired and this blog isn’t about me :D.
yadda yadda yadda…..

Branden wrote on April 25th, 2007 at 8:41 pm

 
 

Branden - LOL. I assume there are accompanying photos?

jester wrote on April 25th, 2007 at 10:24 pm

 
 

Jester

I read what this girl Sylvia wrote to you and said and I have to agree that there is no way your ass can compete with her pussy! While she has a clitorus which is solely for the purpose of recieving pleasure and is the gateway to further pleasure inside the vagina!

Your ass on the other hand has no such special place because God in His wisdom did not design for your ass to recieve anything in it; it is an exit place only! Be assured that my objective is not offend or to piss you off dude, but I think that you have been duped into thinking that having a man’s penis in your ass is acceptable; nothing could be further from the truth.

See ya dude

The Stan Man

Stanley Royal wrote on April 26th, 2007 at 4:37 pm

 
 

Go shoot yourself “The Stan Man”
Your ignorant…..
I will have you know that the Male G-spot just so happens to be in the male anus called the Prostate. Amazing….It feels so fucking good to have a big throbbing dick fill my hole…yum yum!!!…Maybe while your pulling the stick out of your ass you should move it round a bit, you’ll probably like it.

Branden wrote on April 26th, 2007 at 5:37 pm

 
 

Stanley Royal - Thanks for stopping by. I wonder what God has to say about your use of the words “pussy” and “ass.” I wonder what God has to say about judgment and casting stones… if only there were a book to guide us…

Branden - Pretty! I think you get the Miss Congeniality prize of the week. ;)

jester wrote on April 26th, 2007 at 6:05 pm

 
 

“Stanley Royal” - Nice try dude. Your first comment came through just fine, the second comment came through on the EXACT same IP address as William Anderson. Get a life, move on. Find someone else to annoy.

You aren’t welcome here.

jester wrote on April 27th, 2007 at 2:35 am

 

Say something already!



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