Nov 19

Oh. My. Godric.

Um… look who has popped up on the site “Guys with iPhones” today… yes, it’s a NSFW site very popular amongst us gay boys…

Allan Hyde - Godric from True Blood

Allan Hyde - Godric from True Blood

godric-allanhyde

If you don’t recognize him, think back to those couple of awesome episodes of True Blood… He’s Allan Hyde, also known as “Godric.”

godrictrueblood

You realize of course, this does nothing to dissuade me from stalking him, right?

Apr 22

This post is dedicated to Othurme

You’ve heard this a bunch if you’ve listened to The Jester Show.

You do listen right? Because the fact that you’re not listening to the Jester Show is impacting my ability to schedule the show at 7PM. But that’s a post for later…

This week’s guest is SHINY from ShinysTakeout.com. If you have any special questions for our “Ask A Jew” segment of the show, you could leave them on the Jestertunes Listener Line (415) 578-3249. You know. If you wanted to. It would be a Mitzvah.

I think.

Oct 25

Heard on My Name Is Earl tonight…

Joy: “What’s a Jay-peg, what’s downloading, and why am I holding a picture of myself crapping my pants again?”

This may be the best season of Earl yet. Same with The Office. Hysterical.

Any one else addicted?

Jun 12

RIP Mr. Wizard

Don Herbert, better known as Mr. Wizard (and my virtual babysitter on Nickelodeon in the 80’s) died today at the age of 89.

Mr Wizard

His original show ran on NBC for 14 years beginning in 1951. He was a science teacher with a dream of acting. He combined both of his passions into one highly entertaining program.

From his official website:

It is with deep sadness that we regret to announce the passing of Don Herbert – the one and only “Mr. Wizard”. Don lost his battle with cancer today, June 12, 2007, at 9 AM Pacific Daylight Time – slightly more than one month shy of his 90th birthday. He was lovingly surrounded by his family, who are at once, saddened by his passing, and relieved that he is no longer suffering.

We all feel extremely lucky to have had him in our lives and to have known and worked with Don over the years. We have also been tremendously honored to carry on his legacy as an original and truly legendary figure in the worlds of both Television and Science Education. He has been inspirational and influential in so many ways and on so many lives and we are comforted in the fact that his ground breaking work and legacy will continue to inspire many more people for years to come.

Thank you so much to all of you for your support and sympathy.

Sincerely, The Family

Sad.

Jun 10

I Would Call Mine “Bajingo”

O’KeefeConversation held Saturday at Lake Berryessa:

UMB: Hey Celeste, if you had to name your vagina, what would you call it?

Celeste: Whaaaaat?

UMB: That chick… on that show we watched today…

Jester: Charlotte. Sex and The City.

UMB: Yeah. Her. She had to name her vagina when she was in therapy with her husband. What did she pick, again? [looking at me]

Jester: Rebecca.

UMB: Yeah, that’s it. She called hers Rebecca. Said she always liked the name. What do you think about calling it Sally?

Celeste: People used to call me that.

UMB: Oh. Ooo! I know… Sheila! That’s the perfect name! I would name my vagina Sheila!

Jester: I’d have to go with “Bajingo” like Elliott on Scrubs.

Ruben: You guys are fucked up.

May 07

The LA Slimeball was on Family Jewels last night

My life has been, and remains to be, such a strange journey with some unforgettable characters who reappear in the most surprising of places.

If you’ve been around this site much at all you’ve no doubt read about the “LA Slimeball” who was a third of the Trijon Management company that thoroughly screwed me out of a record deal in Nashville. Last week I found a bunch of cassette tapes including some rehearsals of the band and the voice mails that notified me of my place in the band.

The voice mails (which I’ll post later this week) revealed the Slimeball, Jeff’s, last name which had been eluding me. It’s Mullen.

I have it on my “to do” list to go in and edit the stories and add his name in. I haven’t gotten to that yet.

As a quick refresher, here is my description from Part V: Getting to Know You:

Delious Kennedy, Anthony Smith, Jeff Mullen

I’ve avoided describing him up to this point because I can’t find anything nice to say… but I’ve mentioned Jeff, Delious’ right hand man/business manager. Jeff embodied everything I hate about Los Angeles. He was shallow, rude, pessimistic, and I never trusted him. Not from day one when he first talked to me at the audition between phone calls. He was too thin, too tan, his hair was too blonde, he dressed far too young for his age, and he used the word “Dude” without any sense of irony. His handshake was damp, limp and insincere. If I were to base a cartoon character on him, it would be a creature that was the perfect combination of rattlesnake, earthworm, and a mangy starved pit bull.

Nice, huh?

Tonight, while getting my weekly dose of Nick on “Family Jewels,” Gene Simmons was in Las Vegas and went to the Adult Entertainment Convention. Where he promptly met the Vice President of Sex-Z Pictures (not EVEN Safe For Work), Jeff Mullen.

I wasn’t watching the screen at first, I recognized the voice and my jaw dropped. He looks awful, the past ten years have not been kind to him. I am not at all surprised to learn that he is heavily involved in the porn promotion industry. Everyone who has met him has described him as sleazy, and slimy, and repugnant.

Though he is only on screen for less than thirty seconds, I feel very much like I need a shower and an entire bottle of hand sanitizer. I had a visceral physical reaction to his voice and face. I could smell his cologne and feel his limp sweaty handshake and it just gives me the heebie jeebies.

Apr 23

I’m a Dirty Old Man

Nick SimmonsI realized tonight that I have become a dirty old man.

I am totally in lust with Gene Simmons’ son, Nick. He’s funny, bohemian, and uh… HOT.

The fact that he was born in 1989 makes me both sad and embarrassed.

I was a sophomore in high school when he was born. When I graduated high school, he was three years old. When I came out of the closet, he was seven years old.

When UMB and I got together he was just hitting puberty.

Nick Simmons

And yet, I can’t look away, and I have absolutely no paternal intentions what so ever.

Well, I might let him call me “Daddy.”

Apr 20

Stewie Griffin and Gene Kelly Redux

I know I posted a version of this the other day, but it was set to a really shitty hip hop song.

Here’s the original version with Gene Kelly vocals. I told you I’d find it!

Enjoy!

Apr 16

Gene Kelly and Stewie Griffin Video

This is one of the best things I’ve seen on TV in months.

For all of you “purists” out there who don’t like them messing with Gene Kelly, just think of the number of people who have never seen “Anchors Aweigh,” or have never heard of Gene Kelly who are likely to look him up now.

I can’t watch this without smiling!

Apr 08

Easter Tidings, or, Oh the Hairmanity!

The combination of a late night and the automatic recording feature of our TIVO lead me to this clip. When I saw it, I knew I had to make my very first attempt at loading it onto YouTube and also share it with all of you guys.

As UMB were watching, our jaws just started dropping lower and lower as the hilarity factor went higher and higher. I know it is painful, but the payoff of this clip happens about 3min30sec in.

This clip reminds me of everything that was scary and terrible about the short period of time in my life when I was a “believer.”

I’m not knocking anyone’s religion, just the plastic, over-processed and packaged cheese-like substance that this clip embodies.

So sit back, crack open a Cadbury’s egg* and enjoy.

* Those eggs disgust me in a way that I can’t quite describe.