Mar 12

Latest Lessons from the Internet

I’m really tired of keeping my mouth shut. I’ve been watching, horrified, for months while people continue to redefine the term “inappropriate.”

I hate hypocrites.

I loathe arrogance.

I despise people who abuse the trust and insult the intelligence of their readers and friends.

So with that, I present to you the things I’ve learned in a very small dysfunctional corner of the internet:

  • It’s perfectly justifiable to ask your sycophants to contribute to your anniversary fund to buy your husband a motorcycle when unemployment is at record highs, your friends are having their homes foreclosed on, are being laid off from their jobs or struggling with health problems almost sure to bankrupt them.
  • No one will notice this request for money is on a blog full of stories about how much money you make as a super busy writer, how much you spend on your hair, shoes, and trips because you’re just so darn cute and likable!
  • It’s perfectly ok to repeatedly and publicly write stories that paint your spouse in a negative light… stories that make all your fans cluck their tongues and commiserate with you for having to run your household with no help whatsoever, with having to deal with mountains of insensitive slights against you while you play the role of the helpless and innocent damsel in distress.
  • It’s acceptable to peer down your nose and cast judgment on friends who have had an extra-marital affair, even when you are yourself guilty of having an extra-marital affair.
  • It’s “good friendship” to constantly remind your friends of their past mistakes.
  • Refusing to stop seeing the man you cheated with because he is your “best friend” and boss, despite how hurt and angry it makes your husband, is normal and acceptable behavior.
  • Posting photos of your husband with his arm around the man you are cheating with and labeling it “My Boys” is the new funniest thing ever!
  • It’s ok to make everything about yourself, even your family’s bad choices.
  • There are no repercussions for questioning the sincerity of all the friends and strangers who offer you prayers and well wishes.
  • There are, however, repercussions for directly commenting on how shitty questioning that sincerity really is – you get twitter dumped and facebook unfriended.
  • High school rules never go away – you can’t be friends with me because you’re friends with him, and I don’t like him, so you must not like him, or I won’t like you. Or something like that.
  • The best way to control your friends is by hiring them and being responsible for their livelihoods. They won’t disagree with you, they’ll keep your secrets, and they will put up with incredibly inappropriate behavior because they are dependent on your money.
  • Putting other people down and reminding them of their flaws at every opportunity hides how really insecure and immature you are.
  • Your self worth should be tied to your fancy college degree, or lack thereof.
  • Artists and musicians contribute nothing to society, or at least much less than a law degree, whether or not the holder of the law degree actually practices law or uses it in anyway.
  • There’s no reason to think that commenting on every post your girlfriend makes might make her husband feel bad.
  • You should always express your deepest and most private feelings for your married girlfriend via whimsical stories of dragons and princesses, because your readers are far too stupid to ever figure out what you are really talking about.
  • Allowing the people around you to rise above their emotional hurdles and improve their lives is ill-advised because it exposes your own weaknesses and faults.
  • Being kind of a big deal on the internet excuses even the most reprehensible behavior. So does italics.
  • Sometimes, all you need is a dildo with a suction cup attachment and some hand sanitizer to make it all better.

The fact that I ever hung out in that corner of the world wide web makes me feel unclean.

The fact that people will still continue to ooh and aah and heap praise on them makes me sad.

The fact that people will come here and insult me for posting this amuses me, if only because defending the indefensible is normally humorous.

Why is it my business? Because my friends have been forced to defend their friendship with me, as if *I* am the immoral asshole in this equation.

That and I’m already being accused of gossiping. I’d rather be hated for what I’ve done, rather than what people assume I have done.

May 04

My Resignation

As some of you may know, I recently split with my last employer. I was the Director of Marketing for a west-coast based travel agency specializing in cruise vacation sales. A lot of stupid shit went down, but things sort of culminated in a whirlwind weekend back in March. I had reached the end of my rope and at the same time discovered that my job was posted on Craigslist as an open position… while I was still in that position.

I sent a resignation letter giving two week’s notice offering to show someone how to maintain the website I had recently launched and was TERMINATED the following morning.

Let me emphasize for the record here: I was, in fact, TERMINATED by the VP while an HR rep was present on the phone. I had conferenced in a couple of people (some of whom still work for the company) to serve as witnesses to the termination. (The company does not know there was anyone else on the phone with us. ) I’m emphasizing this because the company tried to contest my unemployment status and ultimately failed.

Since my separation with the company, I have had no direct contact with anyone in management at the company. This has not stopped the company from using my name in court documents as a “potential witness” in an ongoing lawsuit between the company and the previous CEO who is being accused of stealing clients and employees. (An allegation that I don’t believe, though to be fair, I never met the previous CEO.)

In fact, documents submitted to the court last week suggest that I helped prepare documents and testimony as recently as March 31st.

This is not possible, since I was TERMINATED (like how I fit that in again?) on March 9th.

Anyway, now that you have a little bit of background, I want to present to you “the resignation heard around the world.” I’m redacting some information just to keep google from picking up EVERYTHING. (You’ll understand why by the end.)

Yes, this is REALLY the letter that I sent to all members of upper management, human resources, my replacement, anyone who was mentioned by name, and a select few other recipients who I felt might find the information contained within of interest.

To all it may concern,

It has become quite clear to me that my talents and skills as a problem solver, critical thinker and ethical business person are no longer a good match for the [COMPANY NAME] brand.

Effective March 23rd 2009, I have decided to return to freelance marketing and web design, where I do not have to deal with constant lies, manipulation, unethical business practices, immoral and abusive personal interactions, and a complete lack of respect for the people who are responsible for the success of the company.

My reasons are as follows:

  • Constant pressure to perform co-op collection in an unethical and most likely illegal manner. Cruise Lines offer co-op as matching funds, not a source of revenue, regardless of what other agency owners at TAMS may (or may not) say about it. The IRS would also highly discourage the system of fabricating invoices and/or double billing our marketing efforts. Despite my protestations, Kevin [VP] has continued to insist this practice continue, and on at least one occasion insinuated that if I did not comply, my job would be terminated.
  • Lack of marketing budget. As of March 6, 2009, I have still not received a marketing budget. I have heard numbers tossed around, but have nothing to use as a guideline for making media buys.
  • Circumvention with cruise line reps. As Marketing Director, one of my primary job responsibilities should be to serve as the primary point of contact for cruise line reps for marketing plans, co op requests, media buys, and to some extent customer service issues that have the potential to scuff the [COMPANY NAME] brand. At nearly every step of the way, I have been circumvented and found that co op requests were being made to reps without my knowledge, and “deals” were being crafted that I was not privy to. It is extremely embarrassing and disheartening to answer a query from a cruise line rep about a marketing proposal or media purchase that I was not even aware of.
  • I have on several occasions been asked to formulate a plan for moving the company forward, especially in light of [FORMER SUPERVISOR (FS)] and [FORMER DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS (FDOO)]’s departure. I have in good faith spent many hours outlining a plan and suggestions which have been summarily dismissed. I do not support the idea of [ANGRY WOMAN] taking on the duties previously performed by [FDOO]. I expressed my opinion that her abrasive nature would be a huge detriment to the company’s relationships with our agents and cruise reps. I offered an alternative plan that could have been entertained, whether with [BETTER QUALIFIED PERSON] in the role or not, that has obviously been nixed.
  • My role continues to be undefined. We first discussed my playing a bigger role in the company in Miami two months ago. My notes are fairly comprehensive and include org charts, discussed tasks and responsibilities. Shortly thereafter, [PRESIDENT] and Kevin [VP] both denied saying a good 80% of the things I have written. [FS] and [FDOO]’s departures were hardly a surprise, and there has been ample time and opportunity to develop a new plan. Yet I have been strung along and I get the impression that I am being tested to see just how much work I am willing to do without discussing my title and salary.
  • Pay reduction. I agreed to a 10% pay reduction in November because it was sold to me as “across the board, affecting all employees in the company.” I later discovered this was not in fact true. Not only was this not true, other members of my team were instructed to lie to me if I questioned them on their salary reduction. I was told it would be temporary, and each deadline for discussion has passed without resolution. My email requesting clarification and review went unanswered for days. The end of February came and went without any discussion.
  • Rampant misrepresentation and lies. I choose to not interact on a personal level with people who I know to be dishonest. I must also make that choice in my professional life. I do not trust or believe a word that is told to me by the management of this company. This past week alone, I have found numerous occasions where Kevin [VP] has completely misrepresented facts from conversations he claims to have had with Home Based Agents about the effectiveness of email blasts and the happiness of agents and staff with the choice of [ANGRY WOMAN]’s return.
  • Abusive and harassing behavior. One of the reasons I found it vital to my well being to work from home instead of the Berkeley office was the constant screaming and harassment of other staff members. A family dynamic is one thing, but the abuse laid on [HR SUPERVISOR] and especially [FS] would be enough in any other company to prompt legal action.
  • And let’s not pretend for another moment that the inappropriate personal relationship between Kevin [VP] and [PERSON VP WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH] was a secret. Any one who spent more than 10 minutes around Kevin [VP] in [PVPWHAAW]’s presence knew what was going on. The one thing I hate more than anything else in the world is having my intelligence underestimated. What I don’t understand is what you guys are holding over [PVPWHAAW]’s head to keep her from owning your company.

My suggestions for the future of this company (not that you asked):

  • Hire a cheap web monkey to put together emails and add new specials to the website. Do not tell him/her anything about the way co-op works or how it is billed.
  • Hire an accountant to handle commissions that understands the process and is able to devote significant time to it.
  • The Home Based Agents’s are incredibly unhappy about their pay. Other agencies are able to pay them correctly and upon receipt of the money from the cruise line. You aren’t able to compete with that.
  • Figure out how to balance the need to squeeze every ounce of money from the HBA’s, clients, and vendors with the need to keep everyone happy and engaged.
  • Understand that if you don’t invest in the right technology from companies that have a proven track record, you are never going to have a functioning online booking system.
  • Hire someone to enter bookings for agents who would rather devote time to closing sales than bookkeeping.
  • Keep Kevin [VP]’s extra curricular sexual activities out of the office, especially out of my office chair. I didn’t need to see that. All I wanted to do was collect my computer and now I can’t scrub the image of Kevin [VP] getting “serviced” out of my brain. Keep the chair, consider it my gift.

I will provide a list of all passwords and hosting information for the websites. I will return any [COMPANY NAME] computer and phone equipment, files, and keys to the office. I will also point [IT FOLKS] to the WordPress website where there is significant documentation on operating and maintaining the intranet and [COMPANY NAME] website.

I have enjoyed certain aspects of this job and really feel that had I been given the support and tools necessary, I could have done great things for [COMPANY NAME]. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

I hope you are able to turn the company around and make it successful. I truly do.

Sincerely,

[JESTER]

The lesson here should be “Stop Fucking With Me.”

My next step after posting this to my website will be sending copies of the letter to every cruise line rep, the IRS, and the California Attorney General’s Seller of Travel office. The un-redacted version of course.

I have heard a rumor that a copy of this letter may or may not have already been sent to Kevin [VP]’s wife.

It’s like an internet meme in a microcosm… it just keeps getting forwarded to more and more people…

Aren’t I just the worst?

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Nov 07

What’s next for gays?

 

I stole this from Joe.My.God:

And THIS is something I’ve been screaming about for over a year: Efforts are underway to strip the Mormon Church of their Tax-Exempt Status as a religious organization.

It’s about fucking time. I’m ready to go on the offensive. Churches are not supposed to be contributing to political campaigns.

Your religious beliefs are not supposed to drive our government.

I will no longer stand still and let YOU legislate my morality based on your fictional mythology.

Catholics? You’re next.

Jul 21

Jester Responds to Webmiztris

Since there were so many disparaging and negative comments being hurled my direction over at Dawn’s blog, I popped in and left what I hope to be my final comment on her site. (I’m not linking to it here, you can easily find her site by doing a search, or going a few posts back.) I’m posting my response here, so that you don’t feel compelled to click over to figure out what’s going on.

Here is my comment in its entirety:

// begin comment

First, let me say that I have only returned here due to the multitude of people calling me out by name.

Second, I wasn’t trying to start shit. I don’t need the “traffic boost” as it has been posited. I was merely expressing my opinion on my own site about the use of the term “gay” to mean “lame.” I didn’t call Dawn out. I didn’t refer to her by name (as I have done in other posts with patently homophobic materials posted). In fact, I noted that I didn’t believe the author was homophobic. Dawn “outed” herself as the author I referenced.

The attitudes in her comments were perplexing. She expressed complete astonishment that I could be offended by the use of the word to describe an inanimate object. As though describing the object made the word somehow magically clean and pristine and not at all related to homosexuals. Just where do you think the usage “evolved” from? Someone who was intentionally being offensive to homosexuals, that’s who. Continuing to use the word in that matter is perpetuating that intent.

Then Dawn posted another story in which she worries that a man singing a girl’s song would turn her band into the “gayest band ever” (how is that not related to homosexuals?) and how she did not want to be associated with a “GAY BAND” and that it would make them a bunch of “FAG HAGS” [Dawn’s emphasis]. This is a point that nearly all of the commenters here have forgotten or chosen to overlook. There is NO question that these comments are offensive AND homophobic.

If you think that an atmosphere where “gay” is used to mean “lame” isn’t hurtful or doesn’t lead to more anti-gay sentiment, just look at some of the comments left here. I have been called “fucking queer” (which Dawn found funny). I have been called thin skinned. I’ve read references to “homos” and “lesbos.” That’s really inclusive and welcoming.

I want to address a few of the major points that Dawn and other commenters have made:

Kimi quoted some BBC report stating that “gay need not be offensive to homosexuals.” So if I’m understanding this point, the BBC is the authority for dictating how I (and other homosexuals) am supposed to feel about the use of “gay” in a disparaging manner? They certainly didn’t consult me on this. I don’t know of anyone who WAS consulted.

Later, Dawn stated that she shouldn’t be held responsible for using “a phrase I didn’t invent.” So by this reasoning, Dawn should be able to use the words, “nigger,” “kike,” “wetback,” “spic,” “faggot,” “dyke,” “chink,” “jap,” “wop,” and “retard” with impunity? I’m certain she didn’t invent those words either, but they are on some magic list of words that a civilized community has determined are offensive and taboo. How did those words get on that list? They got there because the respective disparaged groups stood up and said, “Stop it.” And civilized thinking people understood the harm those words were doing and agreed to stop using them.

Dawn also said, “I bet if I said keytars were ‘retarded’ instead of ‘gay’, he wouldn’t have two posts dedicated to me because using the word ‘retard’ isn’t one of his ‘buttons’.” Whether or not “retard” is one of my buttons (guess what, I have developmentally challenged people in my family) is a moot point. Had someone mentioned that they found your use of “retard” offensive, I would completely agree with them. It is offensive, for mostly the SAME REASONS I find “gay” = “lame” offensive.

In that same response block, she said, “maybe Jester should write a letter to Matt Damon too and bash him on his blog…LOL.” If I considered Matt Damon an “internet friend” as I considered Dawn to be prior to the last couple of days, I would immediately let him know that I was offended. I wasn’t SINGLING you out UNTIL your second post which, I’ve already explained, WAS patently bigoted.

The vast majority of the rest of the comments here are along the lines of “fuck him if he can’t take a joke” and “over-react much?” My original post was not an over-reaction… it was simply a post examining the use of the word and my determination that its usage EVEN IN THAT CONTEXT is offensive to me. I was offended that someone who I genuinely liked and respected could be so arrogant and self-righteous in her response to my offense.

I have never asked for an apology. I don’t care about an apology… but the fact that there is a complete REFUSAL to acknowledge that the word is offensive and an insistence that because “everyone else uses it” makes it all right is stunningly ridiculous and arrogant.

Ask yourselves if your opinions would change if you were the victim of oppression and discrimination and hatred and violence simply because of a characteristic you can’t change. You’re lying to yourself if you think they wouldn’t.

// end comment

Don’t think that I’m saying this is the end all, be all of the discussion. The debate and open discussion that has taken place here has brought me a lot of enjoyment over the past couple of days. It has lead to a lot of conversations with people away from my blog.

Social issues and etymology and frank discussions about human behavior are all very fascinating to me.

Watching people show their arrogant self-righteous bigotry and then deny that they are bigoted in a public forum: priceless.

Jul 19

That’s So Gay Revisited

If you’ve been following along, you’ve seen quite a lively discussion taking place on my post, That’s So Gay. I encourage everyone to read and weigh in on the issue, I’m enjoying the debate.

Webmiztris outed herself as the author of the post that inspired my rant. Here’s what she had to say:

LOL, that’s me you’re talking ’bout…ha! yes, I use the phrase ‘fucking gay’ all the time. I honestly can’t think of any better way to describe a keytar, for example, other than to say it’s “fucking gay”. Lame or stupid isn’t quite right. However, it has nothing to do with actual gay people. It’s like ‘fag’ meaning a gay person and ‘fag’ meaning a cigarette. No relation whatsoever.

I responded with:

You’re not making me feel any better about not calling you out on this. Do you not realize that you are using the word “gay” to mean something that is even lower on the scale than “lame” or “stupid?” This is EXACTLY what I’m talking about. It’s subversive. It puts the idea out there that gay = negative. It doesn’t matter what context you are trying to use it in… it’s offensive and hurtful. There is a relation between “fag” for gay person and cigarette. They are both things that are burned. Frankly, I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation with someone who I thought had an evolved intellect.

And then I clicked over to see her latest posting. She’s excited about holding auditions for some female musicians for the new band she’s forming, Pussywhipped.

The post ends with this following gem:

There’s no doubt about it – everyone is pushing for an all-girl (or at least mostly girl) band and they want to see it happen! Well, except for one guy on this local musician forum we frequent. He thinks that requesting a female vocalist for our band is ‘sexist’. Is that not the dumbest thing you ever heard? I wrote back and told him, “Do you REALLY think a guy should be singing in a band that’s going to be called Pussywhip?” I mean, this guy would be singing Pink, Hole, Avril, Kelly Clarkson, Joan Jett…. Ugh! That would be the gayest band imaginable! We want a GIRL BAND. Not a GAY BAND with a bunch of ‘FAG HAGS’ on guitars. Gah!

I have linked to Webmiztris dozens of times. I have bestowed awards upon her. I have have participated at her site for a long time. And I now feel completely disgusted and almost betrayed.

I left this comment on her post:

Since I’ve played in bands nearly my whole life, I could probably offer you some great advice on the audition process and what it’s like to be in a real performing group. But since you obviously have a problem with gays and insist on being offensive, I’m going to just keep my mouth shut and retract every nice thing I’ve ever said about you.

I’m sure that some of you are going to think that I am completely over-reacting. I don’t think I am. I don’t do business with companies with poor gay rights histories, and I will not spend any effort continuing to participate in forums where I am obviously considered a second-class citizen.

And I’ll bestow my final award and link to Webmiztris.

Flaming Fuck You

I’ll take my GAY BAND that makes a shitload of money and go elsewhere. I’ll take my lame ass to the nearest music store and buy a keytar to go along with it.

Jun 13

Apoplectic

[UPDATE: Seems Eliot didn’t like my comments on his site. They have been removed. I guess it’s a good thing I saved them here.]

Here’s something I haven’t really approached before… the intense disdain I have for gay people who hate gay people.

I was casually browsing through my Google Feed Reader when I ran across a link on Gawker to Fasthugs. The link text said, “another gay finds gay shame.”

I of course had to click on that.

Among other incredible insensitive and ignorant remarks was THIS little gem that almost made me scream out loud.

Gay Shame

You can see the full infuriating post at “Pride and Prejudice.”

Here are my comments:

Gee, how shocking and surprising that once again the fringe element of the homosexual community is held up as the example of a gay pride parade. Where are the pictures of the thousands of normally-dressed gay rights activists? Where are the pictures of the Lesbians for Adoption Rights? Where are the pictures of the crowds of homosexuals who are sick and tired of homophobic assholes making ignorant stereotypical AIDS comments?

Oh that’s right… it’s not nearly as interesting as the guy in ass-less chaps.

You are an asshat.

Shortly after I left that comment, while I was writing this post, I received the following email:

From: Eliot Glazer
Subject: Re: [Fast Hugs] Jester submitted a comment to ”Pride’ & Prejudice [NSFW-ish!]’
Date: June 13, 2007 3:44:35 PM PDT
To: jester

Besides being an asshat, I’m also gay.

Oh. My. Gay. God.

Here’s my response:

From: jester
Subject: Re: [Fast Hugs] Jester submitted a comment to ”Pride’ & Prejudice [NSFW-ish!]’
Date: June 13, 2007 3:59:57 PM PDT
To: Eliot Glazer

Do you think being gay makes that kind of homophobic and vile diatribe ok?

It makes you a hypocrite.

You are shitting all over the memory of thousands and thousands of gay and gay-friendly folks who have forged ahead of you to make your life as a gay man even somewhat tolerable.

It is one thing to say that drag queens and leather daddies don’t represent YOU. It is quite another to further perpetuate the hate and bigotry that so many people before you have fought so hard against.

His response:

From: Eliot Glazer
Subject: Re: [Fast Hugs] Jester submitted a comment to ”Pride’ & Prejudice [NSFW-ish!]’
Date: June 13, 2007 4:08:38 PM PDT
To: jester

I agree with your argument wholeheartedly, but I, too, wish that attention was paid more to the work of activists rather than such a polarizing spectacle. To me, it’s retrogressive and won’t make it any easier for a stodgy conservative to shuck his original beliefs and decide that gays (at least those who he sees on the local news the night after the parade) deserve the right to marry and adopt. Sadly, I think the well-intended desires for such rights by the rest of us get overshadowed by the carnival of discomforting, abrasive behavior.

Then mine again:

From: jester
Subject: Re: [Fast Hugs] Jester submitted a comment to ”Pride’ & Prejudice [NSFW-ish!]’
Date: June 13, 2007 4:28:28 PM PDT
To: Eliot Glazer

Let me get this straight…

You are protesting the depiction of gays as AIDS-ridden hedonists by depicting them as AIDS-ridden hedonists?

It’s the drag queens that scare the conservatives into paying attention to us. It’s the leather daddies who want to adopt that push the right wing nut jobs to open their mouths and prove themselves to be raving idiots.

People like you just give them more ammunition. They are happy to let homophobic gays do their work for them.

Flaming Fuck YouI feel a full-fledged rant coming on. In the meantime, Eliot has the distinction of being the first gay person I’ve ever given the “Flaming Fuck You” award.

Apr 23

A First for this Blog

If you’ve been around at all today you probably noticed the assault being made on me by the subject of last night’s post, The Hazards of Publishing Your Contact Information.

William Anderson couldn’t let it go. So he left a series of comments on Methinks Thou Doth Protest Too Much and even on my birthday post where all of my lovely regular readers left me well wishes, What Do These People Have in Common.

After over an hour, and increasingly ignorant comments, I decided to do something I have never felt the need or desire to do.

I put William Anderson on the ban list.

I believe in free speech. I believe that we should all be able to defend our ideals and morals and ethics.

However, this is MY blog. And as I have the right to chase trespassers off my front lawn, I also have the right to keep bigots and ignorant assholes from hijacking my website.

As I was writing this post, I got the following email from my Contact Form:

From: willanderson50@yahoo.com
Subject: Contact Form Results
Date: April 23, 2007 4:56:30 PM PDT
To: jester

william Anderson wrote:
Would you consider employment that entails sucking on penises? Perhaps you need to put that on your resume as well.

Website:
IP: 24.205.74.195

Just further proof and example of God’s love.

Anyone up for helping me sign him up for all the gay porn spam websites? Wait… my guess is that he would enjoy that immensely (or is already a member). Perhaps we should send his address to the Jehovahs Witnesses or even worse, tell Primerica that he is interested in a job… you can’t get rid of THOSE people.

Jan 24

Methinks Thou Doth Protest Too Much

Dear Mr Cooper,

Please stop sending me articles about “God’s Plan for Sex,” or “Medical Consequences of What Homosexuals Do.”

I appreciate your concern, truly I do. However, you have already proven to me on multiple occasions that your sum computational power if harnessed couldn’t brown dinner rolls.

I must admit that the article you sent entitled, “What Are The Dangers of Anal Sex?” made me laugh out loud. I especially appreciate the charming illustrations like this one:

Anal Sex

It has been over a month since I awarded you the Flaming Fuck You Award. Apparently you have spent that time glued to your computer conducting “research.”

Here’s my guess at what I might find in your browser history trail or Google Search cookies*:

  • Anal Sex
  • Butt Pirates
  • Inserting Penis Buttholes
  • Toys For My Tushy
  • Illustrations Gay Sex**
  • Homosexual Lifestyles
  • Civil War Re-enactments***
  • Coming Out to My Church
  • Depression
  • What is Down Low?
  • Wayne Cooper****
  • Nearby Gay Bars

Now if you don’t mind, my boyfriend of nearly five years just stripped off his pajamas and asked me to come to bed. We’re gonna go open a “superhighway” and do what you have been spending so long fantasizing about. Sucks to be you.

* A quick shout out and welcome to all the porn-seekers who have found this blog based on this list.

** Might I suggest Tom of Finland?

*** I don’ t know why, but you seem like the kind of guy that is into boring ass Civil War Re-Enactments, and vacations in Colonial Williamsburg.

**** No doubt searching for the number of references to you by name that also contains the word gay because you like the way it sounds. I hope my site comes up number one.

Jan 23

Energy Vampires

VampiraNo, I’m not talking about all those little two-pronged wall warts that suck electricity and money from your pockets at an alarming rate.

I’m talking about those people in your life who suck every last ounce of patience, energy, love, and support and rarely, if ever, return the favor. People who consider you their ‘best friend’ because you listen and offer advice and help as much as possible, whenever possible, but are the last ones you can call on when in need…

People like her.

She’s going through a divorce, maybe, if she can ever get her shit together to actually file. In the meantime she’s fucking anything that will have her, though admittedly, she’s been fucking the same guy almost exclusively for the past year. He won’t call her his girlfriend though.

She needed a place to live. I found her a room with my aunt, for an incredibly cheap rent.

She works as a substitute teacher, but not full time. I knew she needed help with money so I hired her to clean for us. It was supposed to be $10/hour for four hours every week. That soon became the same $40 every week for less than 2 hours of ‘cleaning’ that usually consisted of her peppering me with stories about her boyfriend who is apparently way too attached to his mother while wandering about the house with a sponge.

On our recent trip to the Midwest, I asked her to house/dog sit. This should have been a blessing for her as she really wanted to get away from her roommates for a few days. Three days into the trip, she called me and said she couldn’t deal with my dogs. Apparently they are used to having some attention and she just could not be called upon for that. I didn’t mention the several times that I house sat for her, including the times when I had to chase down her nearly blind decrepit old cat that needed medication three times a day, or caring for the dog that was recuperating from being run over by her husband. I didn’t mention the week that I spent watching her daughters, driving them to and from summer camp, soccer, cooking and cleaning up after them so she and her husband could ‘work on their marriage’ in Vegas. No, instead I called my aunt and asked her to uproot herself and her dog to come stay at my house.

And then when all hell broke loose at my aunt’s house with another roommate, she chose sides. She began making life miserable for my aunt.

She would do all these little things, like turning down the thermostat to freeze the house when she left, turn the refrigerator up to where the food was barely cold and the ice would melt. Things started escalating to where she would scream “bitch” at my aunt whenever they were in the same room. She went to the post office and put all the mail in the house on vacation hold. God knows how much mail she destroyed.

I tried to stay out of things for the most part. When I helped my aunt get rid of the roommate who was instigating all the animosity things just got worse. I told Vampira that I hoped she would decide that my friendship was more important than the petty bullshit and she could be an adult and act like one.

Apparently she couldn’t.

She accused me of hacking her email, changing her passwords on myspace and her credit cards… None of which I did.

She eventually threatened my aunt and her dog. My aunt took it seriously.

I wrote the eviction letter, filled out the temporary restraining order on my aunt’s behalf, and served it on her myself.

There is a smear campaign going on over at Myspace that has even gotten her 13 year old daughter involved. I haven’t responded to it outside of this post.

You see, though I know all of her secrets… and believe me, there are some doozies that I’m sure the School Board, her soon-to-be-ex-husband, her kids, and her current fuck buddy would love to know about, I’m an adult.

More of an adult than this 43 year old woman who I have supported for the past nine years.*

Flaming Fuck YouSo here’s a Flaming Fuck You award for being such a selfish, egotistical, hypocritical, two-faced, petty, herpes-infested (oops, did I say that outloud?) douche bag. Good riddance. And may I never be subjected to any more stories about your girl’s cheer leading competitions, and no, I don’t wish to see the video.

* Maybe just barely, but the distinction is there.

Dec 19

“The Gay Disease” by Wayne Cooper

From email today:

Dear Paul:

I wanted to bring one last thing to your attention concerning your comment that “Aids is not a Gay Disease.” I would be the first to say that today, HIV/Aids can be contracted by male or female. This is very true! However, in terms of its “Origin”, HIV/AIDS came from the Homosexual lifestyle! If you were to go back to the late 70’s and the entire decade of the 80’s, medical doctors referred to what we now call “Aids” as “The Gay Disease.”

The entire Medical industry was baffled by this disease and didn’t know what to call it; all they knew was that this disease was happening to the men who were practicing homosexuals. Any medical research on HIV/AIDS will show that what I’m saying is true. I do believe however, that Aids is God’s way of allowing mankind to suffer as a consequence for this perverted and deviant lifestyle that He detest and will someday judge. I know that you will probably disagree, but I think that the Handwriting is already on the Wall!

Wayne

Ok, Wayne, that tears it. I have tried to remain as calm and respectful of your opinions as possible, but the gloves are coming off.

For your information, the disease now known as AIDS was present in several different populations in the late 1970’s, not just the homosexual community. However, officials with the Centers for Disease Control were having a difficult time finding a common link or explanation for the rise in Kaposi’s Sarcoma cases among the different groups. The disease was showing a statistical slant in the homosexual community, so they worked on the assumption that the common link was homosexual sex. They called the syndrome “GRID” or “Gay-Related Immunodeficiency Disease” and sent out infection control procedures to doctors across the country.

The earliest alerts sent out clearly stated that the etiology of the disease was unknown, and that the “highest number of cases have been reported in the homosexual community.” I’ll explain that for you, since you obviously need help with connecting dots: if the HIGHEST number was reported in homosexuals, that would mean that there were OTHER communities reporting the disease. The word HIGHEST is comparative, not singular.

The name GRID was quickly changed to AIDS because the CDC acknowledged that the disease was present in multiple populations.

People like YOU Mr Cooper have perpetuated the stigma behind the disease. People who claim to be loving and compassionate, but in reality are hypocritical bigots who are so blinded by their fervor for belonging to an elitist group that they lack the capacity to see reality.

I have written more about AIDS recently and I encourage you to read those articles and follow the links. Not that I expect you to actually gain any information from it, since you seem hell bent on being stupid.

You hide behind this supposed “shield of faith” in a little black book that you apparently need to do your thinking for you. You wear the clothing of a modern person, but your ideas are firmly rooted in the ancient past. If you this were 1960, you would be stomping around in a white sheet and burning crosses. The thought process is the same.

It is people just like you, Mr. Cooper, who have turned Christianity into a joke for a growing number of people. I can think of no other population who has proven themselves to be as hypocritical, bigoted, hateful, and fucking stupid as those drinking the kool-aid from your stand.

You think these are the end times, Mr. Cooper? I think you’re absolutely right. These are the end times, but not as you picture them from the book of Revelations. The four horsemen are real, their names are TRUTH, BEAUTY, KNOWLEDGE, and RESPONSIBILITY. And they are coming to announce the end times for those people like you who insist on judging and labeling and condemning people who have brains and the ability to decipher parable from history.

If Jesus were a real person living today, you would be at the head of the line of people denouncing his actions. YOU would be Judas and the Romans rolled up in one nice little package. You’d be the guy standing next to him salivating to use your hammer.

I don’t hate Christians, in fact, I know many that I respect and love. I don’t automatically assume that new people that I meet who identify as Christians are fucking idiots. Unfortunately, the idiots have been out in full force lately.

Flaming Fuck YouI think you deserve the second “Flaming Fuck You” award I’ve ever handed out. I suggest that you check out the first recipient’s website. The two of you can talk together about how awful all the faggots are while painting each other’s toenails, pointing fingers, and secretly lusting after each other.