May 08

Faceoff: Miss Britt and Amy

This edition of Faceoff stars two lovely blogger friends from the neighborhood, Miss Britt and Amy. Miss Britt is a regular commenter here at Jestertunes. I don’t know if Amy hangs out here much, but I follow both of them daily.

Let’s get started, shall we?

How and when did you meet each other? What were you wearing?

We met online in 2000 or 2001; Britt was marketing something called Quick100 and I became one of her customers/followers/disciples/etc.
LOL, we met each other by phone, internet, email, etc. about 7 years ago. I was running an Internet Marketing business called The Simple System – no, wait, maybe it was way back with Quick 100. Anyway, Amy was actually a client of ours. And she was one of the smart clients – the GOOD clients.

We decided to put together another marketing company, basically, and were looking for “like minded” people – and I called Amy. The first time we talked on the phone we talked for over two hours. About everything.

I was wearing – um, probably something cute like capris and heels or something. Amy? I’m going to go with pajama pants and a t-shirt, if I had to guess. πŸ™‚

Why can’t I meet someone online who can help me make a living? Anyone? Bueller? Amy: +1, Britt: +2

Describe each other’s internal dialogue on the first meeting.

Umm, well, Britt and I have known each other all this time – but we have never actually met. That’s kind of sad now that I think about it. Anyway, I have always been in awe of Britt’s ability, I’ve always admired her both personally and professionally, she has a wicked sense of humor and she’s incredibly intelligent.

At the time of our first “meeting” online, Britt’s internal dialogue was probably something like, “Cha Ching!!!!”

Me? I don’t think there was much of an internal dialogue because it allll came out in the external dialogue. If I was thinking anything it was holy crap she is so funny, and smart, and OMG she is just like me!!

She was thinking – I can’t believe this guru is so fucking cool. πŸ™‚

You guys don’t like each other much, do you? Amy: +2, Britt: +2

When did you each lose your virginity?

Amy: 15 Britt: 16
We were both 15. We both thought we were in love. We were both very, very wrong. But I don’t think either of us would take away the consequences of those relationships.

15, huh… how old did you say your kids are again? Amy: +1, Britt: +2

You’re both old and sharing a room in a nursing home: which one of you is in charge of the remote control? Which one of you is doing the hot 22 year old orderly?

Britt would be banging the orderly, I would have the remote watching HGTV nonstop and yelling at Britt to “stop hurting that poor boy!”
Oh duh. Amy runs the remote because I don’t watch as much TV anymore and she would feel the need to “enlighten” me on what “good TV” really was – Veronica Mars, crazy shit from TLC and the Discovery Channel.

I, of course, am doing the 22 year old orderly. With much encouragement from Amy. Who is actually the evil mastermind behind my whorish ways.

There’s nothing like HGTV and a hot 22 year old orderly to make your golden years perfect. Any chance that orderly looks like the guy from “Color Splash?” Amy: +2 (for believability), Britt: +1 (I don’t buy that Amy is the evil mastermind.)

Describe the worst form of torture imaginable that the other could do to you. What would you do to torture her?

Me: For Britt to tell me about a phenomenal online sale and not give me the coupon code!

Britt: To take her to a shoe sale and not allow her to shop.

The worst thing Amy could do to me?? Hmmm… drag me to a Republican Rally? Although, that would be self torture on her part too, so probably not that. Oh, wait, duh. Send me a box of rats. That’s her back up plan for me if I ever cross the line.

And what would I do to her? Drag her out into a public, crowded space for hours. Like – Wal-Mart. Or one of those Mega Churches. You know, that might be worth the air fare to California…

Republican rallies and Wal-Mart? It sounds like you’re trying to torture ME! Amy: +1, Britt: +2 (for rats!)

Which of you is the most likely to use their femininity to get something she wants from a stranger?

Britt, definitely, Britt.
Me. Absolutely me. Amy is too smart and confident for that. Although she’d never say that to my face. πŸ™‚

That answer seemed to come quite quickly. Amy: +2, Britt: +2

You get the opportunity to go on a vacation together, just the two of you. Where do you go? Which of you is most likely to get caught by customs smuggling absinthe and cigars?

Smuggling – Britt, definitely Britt. Vacation – Vegas! Absolutely!!!
Well, Amy is more likely to get caught smuggling. I’m just not sure it’d be only absinthe and cigars. And, actually, I would probably be the one who got caught because the devious bitch would probably plant them in MY new handbag or something.

But where do we go…. some place warm, for me. And secluded, for Amy. And with great shopping for the both of us. Hmm… Paris? Vegas? The Carribean? Mexico? I don’t know. But now that I think more about it I think we need to start planning.

I’m guessing Amy is irritated she didn’t didn’t think of the handbag trick first. I would be. Amy: +1, Britt: +2

Have you ever posted something to your blog that pissed the other off? What was it? Links please!

Honestly, I don’t think so.
Amy’s never posted anything that has pissed me off I don’t think… I had a commenter on my blog piss her off once. But other than that, I can’t think of anything.

If you haven’t pissed your friends off, you’re just not trying! No points awarded.

What is the funniest thing the other has ever posted to her blog? Links please!

Amy – easily – the Hampster story and I know she’ll say my Vagina Monologue.

Clearly there is a theme here… small objects being lost in a tube… Might I suggest that next time you affix a tiny mining helmet to the head of the hamster (perhaps with staples) and send him into the void in search of that missing tampon? Just an idea… Amy: +2, Britt: +2

What are the chances that one of your children will grow up to marry one of her children? Which kids will hook up?

Oh geez. The chances are slim to none considering we live (or soon will be) on opposite sides of the continent. However, were the children to hook up – my guess would be Ethan and Emma (because Ethan is my only boy) / Devin and Maggie – because I don’t think Kate is into younger guys.
Um, I’d have to say pretty much none. Her son is 13 years older than my daughter. Although, boy would I LOVE to have him as a son-in-law. *sigh* My son is four years older than her youngest daughter and 6 years younger than her other daughter. And, well, we’re just not sure yet if the son will grow up and marry. A girl.

However, I think that it is entirely possible that her youngest and my youngest will hook up and plan to take over the world. In which case we are all seriously fucked.

Either that, or they will learn of the other’s evil genius and determine that they should rule the world ALONE, and then become arch rivals/…s. Really, that’s the only hope the rest of the world has.

What’s the point of having other friends with kids if you can’t arrange marriages for them? Maybe I missed the point? Amy: +1, Britt: +2 (extra points for possibly having a baby gay πŸ™‚ )

Shopping, hamsters, vaginas, and no question who is banging the orderly? I’d say that was a fun game! Let’s tally up the totals here: Amy checks in 13 with points. Britt picked up 17 points. Way to go, Britt! You’ve won an all expenses paid trip to your bathroom, where you may look in the mirror, cheer, and feel pretty good about yourself. Better luck next time, Amy. Don’t feel too bad, though, blondes always win in the short term. πŸ™‚

Who’s next? Drop me a comment or use my contact page if you’re interested and want to nominate yourself and a friend to be interviewed. Otherwise, I’m going to start picking people at random and being obnoxious about it.

Apr 25

Faceoff: Killer and Liz

I love this idea so much I think I’m going to make it a part of my regular repertoire. I have interviewed two old friends separately and they have assured me that they did not confer with each other on their answers. It’s sort of like the old game show, The Newlywed Game.

The contestants for this edition are Killer and Liz of Killer Rants. If you are not regularly reading their shared blog, you are missing out on some great stories involving booze, sex, friendship, flatulence, and lots and lots of talk about Killer’s Balls.


Question: Where did you meet each other? What were each of you wearing?

Although we went to the same high school, we really met at a friend’s house (David or Ricky are proper answers). I don’t think Killer knows this, but at the time, they introduced him as “Kelly”- which he went by at the time. I was extremely messed up the night we met and I laughed my ass off because his name was Kelly. I kept imagining him as the Irishman on the label of Kelly’s chili. He should know that. I’ll bet he’s always wondered why I kept staring and laughing. That may or may not be the night we were scraping up bail for some friends we thought had gotten arrested.

I’m not sure what either of us was wearing, but I’m sure I had huge hair.
It was an extremely long time ago, but I seem to recall meeting Liz for the first time at a guy named Jimmy Miller’s house. He would throw these crazy parties and Liz was a regular attendant, and I would also become a regular fixture.

I was probably wearing a black Poison T-shirt, sagging ass blue jeans (pre cool ghetto saggy), and some skateboard shoes.

Liz was probably wearing an Aerosmith T-shirt, blue jeans, and sporting a bear in one hand and a bong in the other.


I’m confused about why Liz might have a bear in one hand and a bong in the other, but then again, that could describe some parties *I* have been too. Score for this round: Liz: +0 Killer: +0

Question: Which of you are most likely get married first? Children?

Tough one. I think Killer is more open to marriage, but I think I’ll be most likely to find someone I think I can put up with for the next 40 years. Probably me with marriage and him with kids. I’ll never have children unless they are part of the package deal.
Oof, hit below the belt. It is becoming more and more probable that Liz and I will live in the same neighborhood as spinsters. Liz with her fifteen cats, and me with my failing liver.

IF either of us has kids, I would say I am 100% confident I will be first.

Liz: +1 Killer +1

Question: What are your favorite movies?

He gets points if he knows ANY of these movies are my favorites: Old School, Office Space, Young Frankenstein. For him, I’m guessing Star Wars or some sort of porn.
My favorite movie is “The Empire Strikes Back”. Liz’s favorite movie is “Porky’s”

Liz: +1 Killer: +1


Question: Which of your friends are you most likely to catch the other in bed with? Which of their friends are you most likely to sleep with?

I guess Chad would be the answer to both.
Liz would be caught in bed with Chad, because Chad is a whore.

I would sleep with Liz’s BFF, Kim, but just so I could always torture Liz by saying, “Do you remember when I was banging Kim and you walked in?”

I gotta meet Chad. Liz: +1.5 Killer: +1

Question: What is your most annoying habit? What is your counterpart’s most annoying habit?

Me have an annoying habit? Puleez…. Ok…. I can talk nonstop and usually do. He might also mention that I’m a bit of a neat freak, even when guests are over. I’ll start cleaning up and expect them to all pitch in. They do not agree with my philosophy, sorry bastards. Killer’s is farting to piss me off. Or just farting. It’s more than a function, it’s a thrill for him.
My most annoying habit is farting around Liz. I don’t know if I try extra hard around her, or if it is a subconscious desire to torment her, but I can really bring the funk when we are together.

Liz’s most annoying habit is pretending like she doesn’t like my flatulence.

UMB and I have been together nearly five years and I still do not break wind in front of him. It’s like the height of rudeness to me. He, on the other hand, has no problem letting them rip. Drives me crazy. Liz: +1 Killer: +1.25

Question: Have you ever written a post that pissed the other off? Link them!

I don’t know how to link…. but no. He hasn’t and I don’t think I have either.
I don’t think I have ever written anything that has pissed Liz off. I am eager to see the answer to this one.

Liz has never pissed me off in the blog. We share a very laid back mentality. She did, however, confuse me with Meet Mr. Killer Rants. She said, “Killer has a sad appreciation for bad movies.” I do not like bad movies. I rarely go see anything that is a typical Hollywood cookie-cutter film. I would never see “Wild Hogs” (But Jester did). I usually reserve my movie going for computer animated cartoons, indie films, and such.

Again with making me justify my viewing of Wild Hogs! It stars William H. Macy for crying out loud! Plus, it didn’t cost me anything, and I didn’t pick it! Talk to Othurme or UMB about that! Liz: +2 Killer: +2

Question: When was the last time each of you cried?

I am a frigid bitch and haven’t cried since the 90’s. Killer probably cried when his nephew was born.

I’m serious about the crying. I don’t do it often. Really, the last time I remember crying was when I was in the hospital with my mom. She was coming out of surgery. I only cried for a second, but it’s the last time I remember.
I don’t really remember the last time I woefully cried, but I am a bitch at movies. I get all teary eyed when the good guy prevails, when the hero dies, etc.

I don’t know if Liz can cry.

Liz: +1 Killer: +1 Though I should deduct points from Killer for being a “bitch at movies.”

Question: What body part do you each notice on the opposite sex? (Since I know you are both straight.:) )

The face- but specifically the smile, for me. Ass or tits for Killer, depending on the view.
I notice their face first. I really like the girl next door look. I also love a good ass, though.

I bet Liz is an ass woman.

Liz: +1.5 Killer: +1

Question: It’s a Saturday night, how drunk are the two of you?

I am standing by the lake at dawn drunk, weaving to and fro or in bed totally sober. No in-betweens. Killer is at the pub, faculties in full function, slight buzz.
I have been laying off the booze since January. It is part of my “100 the Hard Way” campaign. I am going to lose 100 pounds in six months.

If Liz does not have a paper due for school, she is ripped. She is probably chasing her Roomba auto vacuum cleaner around the house with a stick in one hand and a martini glass in the other.

Uh… I understand the martini glass, but I’m a little confused by the purpose of the stick.Liz: +0 Killer: +0

Question: Did you know each other in a past life? How were you related?

We did know each other in a past life. I was several years older, graying with a beard. I taught Philosophy at the local Community College. Killer worked at the mini-mart where I bought my dirty magazines. We struck up a conversation, but never became too close. He did give me a ride home once, when my car had a flat in the parking lot. He came in and saw my house, very nicely appointed for a community college instructor. He helped me change the flat and we enjoyed a beer together. He met my wife. She was the one with the money.

It was somewhat awkward when he enrolled in one of my classes. I gave him an A for never letting anyone in on my secret, even though he only deserved at B+.
In a past life me and Liz were tape worms living inside a drunk, homeless guy’s bowels. I guess you could say we were related, we hatched together on the same piece of rancid meat eaten out of a dumpster. It was a rough life, not much in the way of food, but the steady flow of alcohol would set the stage for every life we have lived since.

Mostly for creativity… Liz: +2 Killer: +2

Excellent! Let’s just tally up the points here…. Liz accumulated 11 points. Killer picked up 10.25 points. Congratulations Liz, though you haven’t won anything, other than bragging rights that you know more about Killer than he knows about you.

Wanna play along? Leave me a comment or drop me a note on my Contact Page and I’ll interview you and a friend to see how well you know each other!