Apr 19

Daily Experiences Here at Chez Jester

This cartoonist must have lived with my cats at some point in the past. Maybe it’s one of my exes?

This is funny!

Apr 17

Phone Photo Dump

My cell phone started making funky noises today. It would intermittently beep and chime in my bag and I would scramble for it to see what was going on, but of course by the time I found it the message was gone. So I would wait patiently for it to beep and chime again, see something shiny and wander off only to repeat the process all over again.

It was a long day.

This evening, just as I decided to throw the stupid thing out the car window onto Interstate 80, it chimed while in my hand and I saw the “Memory is 98% Full” message. Really, why bother warning me if there’s still 2% free?

I started by cleaning out all the old text messages. I hate talking on the phone, so text messaging is a perfect alternative to me. I don’t type in that awful language that is destroying our society. I use predictive text and get highly upset if it misspells something. (I rarely type ‘good’ but often type ‘home’ and keep forgetting that ‘good’ is the default word for 4663.)

And then I discovered some photos that I had snapped on my phone and forgotten about.

I used to do all the paperwork for the cafe on the couch. My in pile on my right, and the out pile neatly stacked on my left. This is a photo of Zipper being oh-so-helpful.

Zipper Helps

We went out to dinner at our favorite sushi place for UMB’s birthday back in November. I have NO idea what we were discussing when I snapped this photo. I can only imagine it had something to do with pickles. Why he makes this face when we talk about pickles, I’ll never know.*

UncleMonkeyBoi Makes A Face

The sushi place makes the BEST creme brulee. I know that sounds strange, but it’s true. And this vanilla bean creme brulee is about the best dessert on the planet. I think it actually has taken the place of New York Style Cheesecake as the dessert I will choose before they flip the switch on the electric chair. Of course I get the chair after beating the cable guy to death with a remote control, but that’s several years from now and another story altogether.

Creme Brulee Yum!

My aunt Celeste just moved in with us, and one of the items she brought into the house is a little shoe rack for the entryway. We are unable to use it however. It seems Prince has claimed it for himself. That cat ain’t right.

Prince’s Shoe Impression

*UMB saw this picture on my screen and asked, “Who IS that?”

Feb 14

Cat Haiku

Scott asked his readers to write some “Cat Haiku” today.

Here are my three submissions:

I am your best friend,
until you wish to hold me,
then I am Satan.


My food bowl is full,
therefore I do not need you
or your silly love.


I am Royalty.
Don’t forget you scoop my poop,
bring me more tuna.

And as some possible inspiration, here is a wickedly awesome video of a feline piano virtuoso:

That was fun. Why don’t you give it a try?

Jun 01

Searching for….

So I got curious this evening/morning and decided to look at the stats for my blogger page. Here’s something funny: My page gets accessed fairly often (even though no one bothers to comment or ever drop me an email *sigh*) by people with some unusual search terms. Seems I show up on the first page of a google search for “benadryl sedate cat” apparently because of my story of the unfortunate incident with Zipper and the bonecrusher garbage disposal.

Incidentally, for everyone who finds this post due to that search:

Yes, you can sedate a cat with benadryl. I have done it several times. You too will learn if you ever decide to drive cross-country with a very unhappy cat in a carrier. At any rate… You can safely give a cat weighing over 8 pounds a standard 50mg pill (the kind you can buy OTC). It will make the cat VERY sleepy. If you’re worried about it, you can give a smaller dosage by breaking the capsule open and mixing the contents with some wet cat food or tuna.

Be aware, though, that the taste is really nasty and will likely cause the foaming that I mentioned in the referenced story. It’s just the cat’s way of trying to get that nasty taste out of her mouth. She can’t really pick up a toothbrush or use an altoid, can she?

I wouldn’t recommend giving benadryl to any cat under 8 pounds with out consulting your vet. As a matter of fact, since I’m not a vet, I don’t recommend giving anything to your cat without a vet’s ok. I’m only speaking about my own personal experience.

To round off the point I was making about the searches that lead people to my page… They apparently like to look for things associated with Wil Wheaton. He’s got a great page that you can check out by clicking on his name, or you can check out the page on my website that has that great picture of the two of us at a radio promotion I was attending with Tiffany.

Jul 28

something wicked this way comes

My grandmother would be so disappointed. Unclemonkeyboi brought home a couple of garter snakes from the pet store yesterday. He’s spent the last 24 hours reading everything he could find on the internet about what they should eat and when. He’s redesigned their vivarium at least three times. I have a great picture of him with Zipper on his lap, both staring intently at the cage. Staring at the snakes...I found them sitting like that when I woke up and stumbled into the living room. Anyway, I found this website tonight I thought was pretty cool. Some guys that go out looking for all the different species of snakes they can find. Many they show on the website came from places I regularly haunt, like Lake Berryessa, and elsewhere in the Sacramento Valley. Cool. Check em out at:
Snake Guys.

Jul 11

Number One Thing To Remember When Bathing Your Cat…

zipper1… cover the drain of the sink containing the garbage disposal. Apparently there is a little tiny hole on the face plate in which the cat can ensnare a toe and get trapped… causing you to have to sedate the cat with benadryl (which she will undoubtedly bite into and consequently begin foaming at the mouth) while you disassemble the garbage disposal, and finally resort to having to apply force to remove the cat.

A missing claw, two dislocated toe joints, five cat bites, one hysterical mother, nine hours and $400 later, Zipper has been poked, prodded, drugged, splinted and is finally resting comfortably in the bathroom that is her home for the next week.

Zipper’s daddy is going to lie down for a little while.

Did I mention that the name brand of the disposal in question is the “Sinkmaster Bone Crusher?”