Feb 21

Never Fear…

I’m still here!

If you’re my friend on Facebook or follow me on twitter you know I’m still around. Just haven’t been inspired to write much lately.


For everyone that follows my American Idol updates, it’s almost time to get those going. I have a lot to say about this season. But I’m not getting into the critiques until the judges turn things over to us.

Soon… very soon…

Mar 17

Congratulations Internet!

You have once again come together in strength and solidarity and are providing a great service to the world.

In this era of unimaginable disasters in Haiti and Chile, when children are fighting over clean water, homes to live in and food to eat, you have answered the call!

In the middle of the worst financial crisis our country has seen in nearly 100 years, you have opened your hearts and your wallets.

When $10 can buy a mosquito net to prevent malaria, or condoms and other AIDS prevention can be made available to those in need, you have chosen to give, give, give!

In the face of 1 in 9 houses entering foreclosure, a 10% unemployment rate, and thousands of people dying every year in the US for lack of health care, you have done the impossible!

You have raised over $1400 in just a matter of days.

Since you’re in a giving mood, there’s this little piece of property I’d like buy in the Caribbean. I only need another 19 Million dollars to do it.

Or, you could try clicking on one of the links above and donating to an actually worthy cause. Donate on behalf of “Jared’s Motorcycle Fund.”

Mar 08

1000 Posts

I haven’t anything special to say… but I just happened to notice while doing some maintenance today that this is my 1000th post.

Seriously, I would have thought that I had more than that, but I guess the database is better equipped to track that sort of stuff than I am.

So anyway. Today is definitely a Monday, and I’m gonna leave it at that, else I’ll start venting about stuff that will piss a lot of people off.

And we don’t want that, do we?

Dec 31

The Year in Review

This has been one crazy, messed up, totally awesome, exhausting year.

It started out with my getting what was supposed to be a fantastic promotion at work, which turned out to be the bullet that caused a tailspin of disaster culminating in my airing some very personal dirty laundry in my resignation letter.

Out of that experience, Othurme and I decided to strike out on our own and open our own cruise travel agency offering discount cruise fares, Cruise Avenue and I’ve barely had time to blink ever since.

Business has not yet hit a level that is profitable, or quite paying the bills yet. I hope that changes soon. I need that to change soon.*

I went on three cruises this year. All of them were work-related, but there was at least some down time to enjoy the Bahamas, Ensenada and Catalina, Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan, and Puerto Vallarta.

This year saw me distance myself quite a bit from the circle of bloggers that were once a huge part of my (online) social life. There are several reasons for this, but mostly I became sick of the petty dramas, arrogance, manufactured grievances, and in some cases downright despicable behavior being exhibited. Don’t worry… I’m probably not talking about you.

But also, I’ve been reconnecting with so many people from my past and real life via Facebook, discussing memories, people I actually know in person in places I’ve actually been, that the fringe internet blogger folk who never really gave a shit about me anyway took a seat at the very back of the bus.

This year, Total Eclipse was busier than we’ve ever been in our entire history. Our original guitarist returned and has quickly regained his spot amongst my best friends. The band grossed more than $30,000 this year. Sure, that’s split among all the members, but when you count in all the amazing places we get to go and the hospitality afforded to us, it’s not chump change.

Without a doubt, one of the most significant things that happened this year was the repair of a friendship that had been broken for more than 8 years. A friendship that had meant so much to me that I never got over the loss, broken for reasons that were unknown to me, and as it turns out, really had nothing to do with me. I haven’t talked about it much, but I suspect that I will tell the story here soon.

On a grander scale, it seemed this year really was the year of “change.” A new president, a political party system seemingly at war with itself, the deaths of many iconic performers and personalities, an economy that keeps toying with us, the devastating attack on civil rights by the religious wingnuts, and a feeling that the world is just polarizing more and more into two camps: those that get it, and those that never will.

Some of the entertainment highlights of the year:

  • Best Album of the Year: The Script. It’s been my go-to album all year long. Also, this was the best concert I saw this year.
  • Best Movie: (500) Days of Summer. I wanted to see it in the theater and missed it (who has time?) but caught it on a cruise ship in October. It’s now one of my favorite movies of all time. Top five at least. Honorable mention: I had never seen a zombie movie before… they never appealed to me, however, Zombieland ended up being one of the most entertaining movies I’ve seen in ages. I saw it twice on its opening weekend.
  • Best New TV Show: Glee. It’s like watching my high school experience every week… only with slightly better dialogue and a touch less drama. Honorable mention: Modern Family. It has not failed in making me laugh hysterically at least once per episode. And there’s usually a one liner to quote the next day.

Looking forward to 2010

I don’t care for New Year’s resolutions. Too much pressure to make grand life changes just because the calendar has moved forward. You should be willing to change your life everyday on a moment’s notice if needed. Why should you wait until Jan 1 to quit smoking, or go on a diet, or finally nail that hot neighbor?

Instead, here are a few of the things I would like to see happen in 2010:

I will rekindle my creativity in 2010. I haven’t written much in this blog or elsewhere… I haven’t written any music in ages. I haven’t created anything of worth or substance in so long I am almost afraid that I have forgotten how.

I will write songs and record my first real album this year. It has been brewing in my head for a while and it’s time to lock myself in a room with a guitar, a keyboard and my computer and force myself to crank it out.

I will travel somewhere new this year.

There is definitely a move in the near future. I do not yet know where we will end up, but the uncertainty of the housing market and the economy and the new business has left me incredibly stressed and I have to get out from under this soul-crushing cloud of worry that has been a constant companion for more than a year. This year it goes away.

I will write on my blog more often than I did this year. In fact, I will finally pick up the Record Contract story where I left off. I miss this outlet, I miss the storytelling and the feedback from my friends.

I will sleep more and sit up staring at my computer less.

I will upgrade my iPhone.

On that note, I’m going to sign out for 2009.

May your New Year’s Eve be fun, safe, and spent with people you love.

* How can you all help? Well… now that you asked, would you please consider linking to cruiseavenue.com on your blogs/facebook/twitter etc? I can’t sell cruises to people who aren’t coming to my website! Thanks!!

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Jun 12

The Faces of Twitter

The people I follow on Twitter… click through to follow them yourself.


Get your twitter mosaic here.

Feb 01

Things I Care About More Than the Superbowl

I can hardly even stand to read blogs or twitter today. In honor of my frustration, I present to you:

Things That Jester Cares About More Than the Superbowl:

  • The plight of the red-bellied salamander in the remote forest of Madagascar.
  • Madonna’s marital status.
  • Should I paint my hallway eggshell white or antique white?
  • Where do you suppose the volume knob on this busted 8-track player disappeared to?
  • The fact that the extended warranty on my high-quality vehicle is about to expire and I should really buy a new one from one of those people who call me almost daily.
  • Avitable’s singular grey pubic hair.
  • The fact that Snackiepoo will never know when her pubic hair turns grey.
  • The amount of monounsaturated fat is in the corn tortilla chip I ate two weeks ago.
  • The location of that band-aid from the third grade that I saved because the bloodstain on it was in the shape of a dollar sign.
  • A new Starland Vocal Band album.
  • Will The Ramones ever do a reunion tour?
  • Dying from some strange disease carried by that parasite that likes to travel up your urethra when you’re swimming in the Amazon.
  • The geothermic impact of soil erosion and mineral seepage in the sandstone quarries of southern Missouri.
  • The disposition of Adolf Hitler’s immortal soul.
  • At what point during this post people will figure out that I don’t give a rat’s ass about anything that has to do with this stupid sport or the celebration of the most hyped event on the planet.

Updated to add:

  • The fact that I did a post exactly like this LAST YEAR.
Oct 13

I Know

I realize it has been a while since I checked in. I just find that lately I don’t have any thing to say that isn’t a whine about my stomach, how insane the political frenzy is making me, or how depressing it is to be a responsible adult who is also a gay man.

This week marked the tenth anniversary of Matthew Shepard’s murder.

It was also National Coming Out Day.

And it was announced that the Proposition 8 religious freak goons are outspending us 2 to 1 on ads. And the ads are full of disgusting lies about the “certainty that gay marriage will be taught to first graders.”

The phrase “activist judges” makes me want to vomit. Following the letter of the law and enforcing it is not activism. Insisting that civil unions are the same as marriage and forcing your religious beliefs and purportedly superior moral code on the rest of society is activism.

I fear we will lose this battle. It does not mean losing the war, but it does mean more casualties, more money, and less time for me and my friends to get back to decorating our lush apartments, styling celebrity hair, eating newborn babies, and lusting after all those ugly bald paunchy men who draw their wives closer when they walk anywhere near a Pier One.

See, there I go on a tangent. I should not have access to the internet while high on vicodin.

Sep 24

In Retrospect

I suppose I should have seen this coming, but I’m really taken aback. I mean, really, I just never even considered the possibility.

Clay Aiken is Gay!?

Clay Aiken is Gay!?

I thought every straight man from the south was into musical theatre, talked with a lisp, changed their hair color monthly and had surrogate babies with their much older female managers.

Sep 22

Some Random Stuff

Just once, I’d like to go to the doctor and get an actual diagnosis. Seems every time I go in, I get a lot of tests and head shaking.

This past week’s tests include: CBC, Lipids, Liver Panel, Bilirubin, H Pylori Antibody, Gluten Allergy, Celiac Disease Panel, Complete Metabolic Panel, 12-lead EKG, Chest X-Ray. By the end of the week I suspect an upper GI and an ultrasound.

My doctor has ruled out: Pancreatitis, Gall Stones, and Ulcer. She now suspects one of three things: Cardiac event of some sort, Hiatal Hernia, Abdominal Aneurysm.

There are only six words scarier than “We are out of toilet paper,” and they are, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Vice President Palin.”

Seriously, why is it so bad to run out of low on toilet paper? My household hits De-fece-con 5 when we’re down to our last three or four rolls. No one seems to notice if I run out of cottage cheese or lube, but lights and sirens go off when we break into the last package of Charmin.

I’d like to get back on a regular schedule with The Jester Show, but for that I need guests. You in?

I’m going to seriously kill someone if they don’t stop calling me on my cell phone and my house phone and my work phone trying to sell me an extended warranty on my car. Seriously.

I bought Rock Band 2 this weekend. I haven’t played in about 6 hours, so I’m suffering severe withdrawal. Better do something about that.

What’s up with you all?

Aug 15

Don’t be Stupid

There are entirely too many stupid people on this planet. They come in all varieties, all stupid.

There are those who know they are stupid… you don’t have to worry so much about them, as they will generally sit back and let someone who is not stupid do what needs to be done. This almost makes them smart, but not quite.

There are those who don’t know they are stupid… These guys are usually arrogant and can be found running companies and corporations all over the place. They will often hire people who are far more stupid than they are to make themselves look smarter. These guys are assholes, but generally not terribly dangerous.

There are those who are stupid but are convinced they are smart. These are among the worst of all the stupid people. They will refuse to back down from an idea or plan of action long after a smarter man would have changed directions, just to avoid admitting they had made a stupid mistake in the first place. These are the stupids that will try to cover their tracks, sweep things under couches and point blame at other people.

Finally, there are those who are smart who pretend to be stupid. Beware of this motherfucker… he’s playing you for money or he’s planning to steal all your shit. He’ll con you into doing all his dirty work for him.

These things keep me up at night.