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The American Idol Season Seven Top Ten are ready to perform.

Hopefully, we’re able to shake off the dust and bad juju from a second week of Beatles tunes and are able to have a knockout show. The theme tonight is: Songs from the year the contestant was born. Oh lord. I feel old already.

I’m not sure what Paula is trying to hide under those hideous gloves, but I doubt it could be as ugly as the gloves.

Ramiele Malubay was born in 1987. I was 12. I was just about to have my first hit from a bong and get drunk on wine coolers. She’s picked “Alone” by Heart. How many times has this song been performed on Idol? Eleventy-million.* And every single performance of it prior to tonight was way better. Ramiele’s pitch is all over the place and the power notes remind me of the time Zipper got her toe caught in the garbage disposal. Terrible. Just terrible. Randy didn’t like it. Paula tried to excuse her performance based on the fact that Ramiele is sick this week. I’d buy that if she were always a top performer. Simon thinks it was ok enough to send her through to next week.

Jason Castro was also born in 1987. He picked “Fragile” by Sting. He’s got his guitar back tonight which makes him seem much less awkward than he does when in a group number or sans axe. I can’t say much more about his performance than I’ve said in the past. I’d buy his cd and see his concert right now. I like his style, I like his voice, and I like that he connects to nearly everything he chooses. The chorus on this song could use some work, but I’m already a fan. Randy thought it was “nice.” Paula didn’t think there was anything “wow” about it, but it was good. Simon thought it was bad. He doesn’t think Jason is taking this seriously enough. It was “too laid back.” Simon needs to smoke a J.

Syesha Mercado is another 1987 baby. She chose “If I Were Your Woman”. This might be my favorite performance from her. She seems to have some familiarity with the song, unlike other performances in the past. It was beautiful. Randy called it her best performance they’ve seen from her. Paula thinks just became the “dark horse.” Simon called it the “best so far.” Which doesn’t mean much since there were only three performances ahead of her. I don’t think Syesha can win the competition, but it’s good to see her have a great week.

Chikezie Eze was born in 1985. The year of “Back to The Future.” “If Only For One Night” by Luther Vandross is his song choice. This is the Chikezie that I can’t stand. I don’t have a big appreciation for the “smooth jazz” sound of Luther and Peabo Bryson… I can understand the appeal, I just don’t subscribe to that channel. This song totally came off as cheesy and lounge-y. I didn’t like it at all. Randy didn’t like it. Paula did, she thought it was a great throwback. Simon thought he sang it well, but he called “cheesy.” Ripping off my words again. Othurme calls him “WeakCheezy.” I love it.

Brooke White was born in 1983. Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” was the biggest thing around. Plus this Police song “Every Breath You Take” that Brooke has chosen. She sang the first three notes in the wrong key and restarted in the right key. A minor blip that she handled pretty well. She’s behind the piano again. She tamed the arrangement down a bit for the first verse and then brought it up a bit for the chorus. Again, not much I can say that I haven’t said. I love her. Very much. I want her to win. Randy didn’t like the arrangement. Paula said she was unique and already famous. Simon agreed with Randy. He said that if the tempo hadn’t changed and she’d kept it a piano solo song it would have been brilliant. I thought it was fantastic.

Michael Johns was born in 1978. Someone from my decade at least. The year of “Grease” and “Jaws.” He picked “We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions” by Queen. I hated the We Will Rock You portion of the song. We Are The Champions was much better, and save for a few iffy notes it was a great performance. He’s a good looking guy with a decent voice who certainly deserves to stick around long enough to get rid of a few others. Randy loved it. Paula said, “This was the exact right song.” Simon said, “This is the first time I’ve seen you and thought ‘Star Potential’.”

Carly Smithson is another 1983 baby. She’s picked a song very dear to me, “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler. I still think Carly has the best voice this season. She flubbed some of the lyrics, but nothing anyone else would notice. The ending run was a bit off. Randy didn’t like it. Paula loved it. Simon thought she was too tense. Even at her worst, Carly still sings circles around everyone else.

David Archuleta was born in 1990. Ouch. I was a sophomore in high school. He picked “You’re The Voice” by John Farnham. I don’t know this song. I have no idea what this song is. I know John Farnham, but whatever. It seemed too much like a Tent-Revival performance to me. I expected people to start shouting in tongues and jumping pews. David has a fine voice, but this was just, well… ugh. He’s not doing anything that exciting or singing it that well. Here’s the problem: David is just too young to have any idea who he is (a girlfriend in the audience? WHATEVER) as a person or a performer. He’s being directed by his father, if you believe the news reports and gossip rags, and it’s hard to know how much you see is David, and how much is David’s dad’s idea of who David should be.

Kristy Lee Cook was born in in 1984. The year Van Halen ruled the Universe. She picked the cheesiest, uber-patriotic ugh ugh ugh ugh “God Bless The USA” by Lee Greenwood. God I hate this SO much I want to set my television on fire, hunt down Lee Greenwood and make him bitch slap the holy living hell out of Kristy. This was such a calculated intentionally manipulative choice. There is no way she will be voted off the show the week she sings this flag-waving rah-rah Go America mantra. Randy has lost his fucking mind. Paula tried to find a good way to say she hated it. Simon called it her best performance by a mile, and he called it the most “clever song choice ever.”

Here’s a little blurb of the conversation Othurme and I had while watching this horror show:

Jester: just kill me now, but stab me through the ear drums first

Othurme: It was her best performance, but that’s not saying much

Jester: what??

Othurme: She sang something better? I didn’t say I liked it

Jester: anything. ANYTHING was better than this

Othurme: You think all of her performances were better? I don’t. She’s still terrible

Jester: i’d rather listen to a loop of her country eight days a week than sit through that again.

Othurme: I can arrange that

Jester: i’d rather you boiled the skin off my face in my sleep than listen to that again.

Othurme: Also arrangeable

Jester: You’re a pal.

David Cook was born in 1982. The same year as my little brother. The year of “Rosanna” by Toto. The year of Def Leppard’s “Pyromania.” He picked “Billie Jean” by Michael Jackson via the Chris Cornell cover. David’s voice is fantastic tonight. Truly stellar. Best performance of the night, without question. I don’t like that everyone acts like he’s coming up with these fantastic arrangements, when he’s not. I’m not saying it wasn’t a great performance, but it’s not exactly as “original” as he gets credited for. Randy thinks he might be the one to win the whole show. Paula couldn’t say enough nice things. Simon said, “That could have either been insane or amazing. It was amazing.”

Here’s my recap:

Safe:

Jason Castro
Syesha Mercado
Michael Johns
David Cook
David Archuleta

Danger Danger:

Brooke White
Carly Smithson
Chikezie
Kristy Lee Cook

Bye Bye:

Ramiele Malubay -Should be KLC

Anyone else want to weigh in with their opinions?

* I counted. This is the official number.