You like Concrete Blonde? I want to fuck you right now.

I’m really glad you set the record straight. After hearing all of this, I really can’t imagine why people would think you were gay. At all. No, srsly.

I think the only thing you left out was perhaps the most important distinction of all… the moment when you make sweet sweet love to Mrs. Avitable.

That you also left out the fact that you fantasize about Stone Phillips while in the midst of said love making is hardly the point.

Thanks for offering up your completely-heterosexual-in-every-possible-way view point.

[...] I'm guest posting over Jestertunes, where I am standing up for the rights of a straight man in a gay, gay world. Head over there and [...]

I don’t fantasize about Stone Philips - he’s way too old. Although I do have fleeting thoughts of Rupert Grint during sex . . .

I guess I should stop making fun of my fiance for always moisturizing and giving himself manicures.

Well, Rupert Grint is legal now… maybe you should trade him in for a newer model?

What makes this all so hysterical is how true it all is. (Except for that Tyra bit - you know you LOVE her!!)

but you left own what type of underwear is a necessity in your hetero world…

i’m not sure why, but i think that might be important info.

hello - I have it on pretty good authority that Avitable wears these: http://manstouch.com/pics/mf0455.jpg

Actually, I wear these

Though.. these come highly recommended: http://mixarticles.krpmag.com/a-man-can-have-a-bra-%E2%80%93-ballbra.html

mmmmmmmmmmm! jester “thank you” doesn’t seem to cover it, but thank you anyway. i’m loving the first photo. going back to it was enough to lighten the scar that avi’s picture seared into my brain. unfortunately i couldn’t make your second link work. i blame my *shudder* pc.

oh fuck! shoot me! i just made that awful link work. how about a little warning next time?!??!

Hello - I thought you might enjoy that first photo. As far as the second link, I can’t accept total responsibility. Those underwear were inspired by Killer.

I got so distracted by the ball bra and the hot stuff photo i forgot what I was going to say…

and now my printer is out of ink…

I can’t imagine how you smell with all those different smelly products you use!

Holy fucking Hell!! I kept repeating in my haed: don’t click the links, especially the Avi one…

Now I know what vomited up coffee and donuts tastes like. Through my nose. Thanks for the experience.

LMAO @ BPR - glad I’m not the only one who wasn’t repulsed. I was thinking mmm…. nice…. LOL

Wow…didn’t realize I was a “gay male”. You learn something new everyday!

Avitable: Two words as to why you deserved to be locked in the closet… “Britney and Lindsay”

Thank GOD you cleared that up!!!

Fab, Tomorrow Wendy - Best. Song. Ever.

Radio, who thinks I’m gay? My daily activities clearly show that I’m as straight as Tom Cruise, Lance Armstrong, or Kevin Spacey!

Mistress Yoda, he knows how to take care of himself, clearly. That’s a totally straight thing to do!

Jester, well, Daniel Radcliffe is hung like a horse. He’ll do.

Britt, she does tell it like it is!

Hello, you asked for it, and I delivered.

BPR, what about the photo I posted? Did you print that one, too?

Summer, well, the Aveda rosemary mint mixes with the pomegranate to give a nice summery smell.

ADW, well, I’m definitely not going to send you those nude Avitable photos that you privately asked for now!

Marge, do you like penises? I think that’s a requirement, too.

Topncal, I’m sorry, but Britney’s first album was awesome, and Lindsay had some great songs on hers, too. Plus she was awesome in Freaky Friday.

TMP, and I didn’t even get into my totally straight butt plug collection!

I am soooo tired of that thong pic of me being scattered all over the internet.

The ball-bra looks like a really comfortable product. I might have to order one of those.

The thing is, it’s all completely true.

Except for maybe the martini part.

If I didn’t know what a freaky, little control freak you really were I could totally picture you with an appletini hanging out with JD while Turk made fun of both of you.

I am guess I should be lucky and both the pictures are blocked from work

I can’t help but wonder that if this is “all true”… then what exactly is the commute time from work to home.

5.6 seconds?

I do believe the iPod alarm, but not the Cosmo or Sour Apple Martini.

so now you have set the record straight.. and we will never doubt your sexuality again… Not that I ever really did… it’s okay.. you can come out now and be that proud straight dude we all know…

You are such a flaming hetero.

Since, obviously, every member of Jester’s audience except for me is a gay male

Ahem.

Hello???

For some reason, this doesn’t surprise me. Espeically Avitable’s taste in clothing.

Killer, I know what you mean. Photos of my balls cover the internet.

Crystal, yup, exactly.

Amy, I’d love to hang out with JD and Turk and have a non-alcoholic appletini!

Topncal, lucky? I’d say UNlucky.

NYCWD, about that, yeah. It’s an easy commute.

Babybull, I’ll come out straight and proud!

Jay, I know! *snap* *snap*

PJ, exactly! Since he’s gay, didn’t you know that meant that his whole audience is gay?

Lynda, wait until you see what I’m wearing for the “Bears of the Southeast” calendar I did.

As one straight, male Jestertunes reader to the other, I gotta ask. Do you do your own highlights or do you have them done somewhere?

I am so fag-hagging on you right now! Let’s go shopping!

Amazing!

At least lube can go either way. No worries there. You can still buy it by the gallon.

Othurme, girl, it’s all natural color.

Annie, okay, but you get to watch me try on thongs!

TMP, lube is nature’s equalizer.

Okay, there is only so many pictures of men’s undies I can take in a day, my blood pressure.

The ball bra is the funniest thing I’ve seen all week. God bless you. If I were dating a guy right now, I would SO get him that nad holder. Sometimes a girl is smart enough to know when a gift needs giving.

I’m wondering if my husband would mind much if I used that first link as a background on my desktop.

Since I don’t often wear mens underwear, that ball bra just looks uncomfortable. The size of the g-string alone looks horribly painful.

Everyone - I want to thank you all for stopping by my neck of the woods to partake of Avitable’s wisdom! If you haven’t been here before, I hope you got the chance to look around and hope you’ll be back sometime soon. I’m hoping I can talk Avitable into another guest post sometime soon. (Hey, I’m all about having great content that *I* don’t have to try and come up with. )

Hopefully we can get him to model the Ball Bra.

You’re so metrosexual, I think it’s great. I like Aveda, too. Although I usually use Ambi, which is kinda like Aveda for black people, I think ; )

And I would have thought you were a Jessica Simpson kind of guy… who knew?

I’m with Marge and PJ. I didn’t know I was a gay male. But it certainly explains the giggles I get when someone mentions Ryan Reynolds. Then I started feeling around to see if I felt like a gay male, and I found these…

[url]http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5661/246/1600/Photo%204.jpg[/url]

Now I’m really confused. I’m not sure if that link will work. But trying to MAKE it work distracted me from feeling any further.

I’m with Marge and PJ. I didn’t know I was a gay male. But it certainly explains the giggles I get when someone mentions Ryan Reynolds. Then I started feeling around to see if I felt like a gay male, and I found these…

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5661/246/1600/Photo%204.jpg

Now I’m really confused. I’m not sure if that link will work. But trying to MAKE it work distracted me from feeling any further.

Ginamonster - I realize this sounds strange coming from a gay man, but Bravo! I highly encourage more readers to submit similar self portraits. (Avitable, I do not consider your repeatedly posting the photo of you wearing Britt’s bikini bottom a sufficient entry. You’ll have to do better.)

Wow, Gina, bravo indeed!

And Jester, why doesn’t that photo count? It’s even more revealing than Ginamonster’s.

Ginamonster - It’s these kind of comments that remind me why blogging is powerful enough to change the world. If you get one more person to vote you’ve done a great thing.

(It took me four full minutes to realize there was an “I voted” sticker in the picture.)

And now Jesters’ male readers will participate….who’s first? (He’s seen everything you can imagine from me so I’m going to go ahead and exclude myself from this one.)

Toby - if you really want to see man boobs, fine, but I don’t have a pretty bra to package them all up in.

I’m sure Jester will lend you one.

Wow, two boobs in a white bra. That’s SO original.
Oh look, there’s a Sears catalog…

Avitable - It doesn’t count because it was previously submitted. New photos only, please.

Othurme - I think I hear an “I Voted” photo contest being born.

Toby - I must argue here. I think you can only exclude yourself if the said viewings occurred within the last 10 years. Better warm up the camera… and my pretty bras won’t fit Othurme, his cups runneth over.

Sears….where America goes to see PG rated boobs.

Othurme - I thought that was Walmart… or wait, is it still PG if they aren’t wearing bras and flopping around?

Annie darling, if you can’t tell the difference between Victoria’s Secret and Sears, I’m either sorry for you or, envious because I can’t seem to find a $10 bra that fits. Since I don’t like for my coworkers to know what color bra I’m wearing, I’m afraid I tend towards the basics. If ever I shrink from a DD to a B cup, I’ll be sure and buy something cutsie and think of you every time I wear it.

Othurme, I think you have now stared longer at my boobs than any guy in the last uncounted amount of years, and actually, when I tok the picture, I hoped that it WOULD encourage young men to vote. After all, what encourages men more than boobs?

Gina - Some people have a fetish for plain white bras ya know… I’m not necessarily encouraged by the boobs, but I still plan to vote.

Ginamonster - and here I didn’t even give you my letterman jacket.

[...] Adam guest posted for me several weeks ago, he "came out" as a straight man to all my read…. He relayed his average day of listening to Jewel and the Indigo Girls, drinking apple martinis, [...]

Hello!

What do you think about love? >:)