The top six are here to perform songs from the Carole King songbook. I met Carole back in the mid-nineties. She was charming and full of incredible stories.
Last week my little pocket pal, Stefano Langone, went home. He’d been languishing around the bottom three for weeks so it was hardly unexpected. I’d much rather have seen Jacob go home though. If you haven’t noticed, I’m OVER him.
Tonight everyone’s doing two songs – a solo and a duet.
Jacob Lusk picked “Oh No, Not My Baby.” In addition to being all scoopy and wavery, his pitch is terrible in the opening of this song. Painful, even. While he seemed to exhibit a bit more life than the usual sea slug performances he turns in, I still hated every second of it. Go home, become a deacon at your church, cheat on your wife with a rough trick named “Dirk” and live your life somewhere other than on my television.
Lauren Alaina chose “Where You Lead.” I realize she’s really young, but by this point in the season, she should be able to turn out performances that rise above the level of Miss Teen USA pageant talent show. Why did you pull some random guy out of the audience to sit on stage? Vocally? M’eh. She cracked and missed several of her big notes. Not the best she’s ever done. Not likely to be the best of the night… I hope.
Haley and Casey are the first duet of the night. They’re performing “I Feel the Earth Move.” Haley is in full on cruise ship mode. Casey is his normal growly almost-creepy-but-undeniably-good self.
Scotty McCreery has decided to sing “You’ve Got a Friend.” Jimmy Iovine wants him to deliver subtlety and poignancy. I think he’s going to have to explain those big words to Scotty first. I’m sure this would be a big hit single on every country station in the US. Even though it’s sleepy and overdramatic and he scoops every single phrase. I stand by my statement that he doesn’t belong on this show.
James Durbinselected “Will You Love Me Tomorrow.” He’s decided to forego the theatrics of marching bands and pyrotechnics and is instead playing his guitar and starting the song a capella. He’s reminding me a little of Jon Bon Jovi tonight. Something about his voice when he’s not really trying to scream. This is probably his best vocal performance all season. Very well done.
Lauren and Scotty are the next duet pair. They picked “Up On The Roof.” Scotty’s harmonies are flat. Ouch. Up next on Hee Haw, Roy Acuff is gonna pick his teeth.
Casey Abrams picked “Heidy Ho.” I understand why he chose the song. It’s all about personality and not at all about vocal ability. I think he’s a better singer than this song for sure. It was creative and cool and different from anything the other contestants do. He’s by far the most entertaining and talented. I just hope he doesn’t get buried by this song.
Haley Rhinehart selected “Beautiful.” Ah, I love being on a cruise. So relaxing… warm sunshine, strong drinks, cool ports of call, and lots of leggy blonde mediocre singers who like to point at me while they sing. Haley will be appearing twice nightly in the Starbrite Lounge on deck 11.
The final duet of the night is coming up – Jacob and James!? They’re doing “I’m Into Something Good.” It was just as weird as you think it was. And then some.
Oy. I could only vote for James and Casey tonight. I just couldn’t care about anyone else. Who did you vote for?