In the past two weeks, I have spent more time on the phone or speaking in person with your employees than I have spent doing many other things that I find to be more enjoyable…

Such as:

• Ingrown Toe Nail Surgery
• Masturbating with #4 Sandpaper
• Spit-Bathing my Dogs

First off, you advertise the UVERSE services all over the place, including pamphlets in the mail and delivery of door-hangers announcing the service’s availability at my home. Your website says my address is within the service area. Every tech (and there have been many now) that has been here has said there should be no real problems.

Why then a week later do I still have several hours a day when my television, phone, and internet all go down for several minutes to hours at a time?

Your tech’s are now saying that “squirrels have chewed the lines” between my house and the main box six blocks away.

As an interesting side note, I’ve lived in Fairfield off and on (mostly on) for the past 11 years and can not recall ever seeing a single squirrel. Not one. I didn’t know squirrels existed in Northern California until I saw them in Berkeley.

I’ve gotten myself out of bed six times before 8am to meet with your technicians who all tell me the same thing… “It should work just fine now. Give us a call if it doesn’t.”

I’m waiting for another tech to arrive in the morning.

Now why, you may ask yourself, would I put myself through this? Why not go back to Comcast Cable for your internet and television needs?

Because UVERSE is $98 per month cheaper than Comcast. I don’t know about you, but $1200 a year isn’t an insignificant amount of money. PLUS!? AT&T offered me $250 cash back for signing up and keeping the service for 30 days. So I’m now saving $1450 this first year.

So, the way I see it, you had better get this service that you advertise and promote to me working as expected or I’m going to cry “fraud” and “false advertising” and get my neighbors to jump on the same ship.

Oh! And while this isn’t related to the UVERSE service, let me also point out an idiotic bullshit move on the behalf of one of your other corporate identities….

I went to an AT&T Wireless store today with the intention of adding a new line to my business account and purchasing a new iPhone. My business has a shared minutes plan which would make the additional line only $40 per month.

I waited for the sales associate for over 45 minutes to get his act together and open the new line. He discovers that according to the computer in order to add this line I will need to place a $750 credit deposit down.

For a $40/month phone line.

I have had my business wireless account for over a year. In fact, the deposit that was required when I first set up the account was $250 (because it was a brand new company) was JUST sent back to me last week.

When the sales associate looked at the account, he noted that the reason was because the account had been paid late in the past… each time with a note stating that AT&T had failed to correctly set the account up for autopayment. I called every single month to make a payment and get the account on autopay. For the first 8 months of my contract, I’ve had to actually call someone on the phone to pay my bill because you couldn’t get your shit together.

And now you want to charge ME $750 for your reps inability to perform their job?

I don’t fucking think so.

Let me just tell you this, as much as I love my iPhone, I know for a fact that the Verizon store that is less than 30 feet from your AT&T Fairfield store will be happy to take my business. And they have some pretty cool Blackberry phones.

How about you get your shit together, fix my fucking UVERSE, let me open my third phone line to my business wireless account, and we’ll continue our fairly docile arrangement from here on out.

Otherwise, send me a check for $1450 and 2 of the top of the line Blackberry phones that I can set up with Verizon.

Don’t make me call you again.

PS – Send that hot UVERSE tech out next time. He at least gave me something else to think about.