Last week saw the too early departure of Alexis Grace. She couldn’t have won, but she was certainly the 2nd best girl in the competition. She surely needed to stick around longer than Megan. But what are ya gonna do?

It’s Motown night. Fantastic, classic songs with familiar melodies… it will be very easy to fuck this up.

It boggles my mind that Motown is celebrating its 50 year anniversary.

The Idols got to go to Detroit and meet Smokey Robinson and Berry Gordy. Smokey is one of my personal heroes so I’m happy to see that he’s the mentor this week.

Matt Giraud is up first with “Let’s Get It On” by the late great Marvin Gaye. Smokey says Matt’s version would have floored Marvin. Let’s just see, shall we? He started out at the piano, then moved away from it. He seems to have a bit of trouble with his pitch when he stands up. That happens a lot to people are used to singing while sitting down. The middle section of the song was a touch rough, but the start and end were great. He’s got a great falsetto and he didn’t change the melody so much that it makes me want to smack him. Randy thinks Matt is a challenger for the top spot. Kara likes how he came out of his shell and stepped out from the piano. Paula said he has a sexy cool vibe. She complimented his respect for the melody. Simon called it a brilliant choice of song and a cool performance. He also agreed that Matt is a front runner in the competition.

Kris Allen is next with “How Sweet It Is,” another Marvin Gaye song. Smokey says the performance “blew me away.” It’s hard to find much to say about this performance. I mean, he’s very cute, he’s got a nice voice, he plays the guitar… He does all those things well…. but not OUTSTANDINGLY well. I just don’t think he’s done anything to write home about. Kara thought he put his mark on the song… what? Paula thought it was a brilliant performance. Simon called it “smart” to do his version of the song. He says Kris needs to get more confidence and swagger. Randy said it was a consistent performance. Wow… that’s what I was trying to say.

Scott MacIntyre is on deck to sing “You Can’t Hurry Love” by Diana Ross and the Supremes. He talked about how hard it is to take a popular girl song and sing it when you’re a guy. I think he’s forgetting Phil Collins’ version. Also, a good song knows no gender. Jackass. Ok. I’m ready for him to go home. I’ve already heard everything he can do. He’s going to be fine as a contemporary Christian artist who spits out lots of “edgy” piano/singer/songwriter hits that might cross over to the AC radio stations. He had some bad notes and it was just blah. Paula thought it was a great performance that he obviously felt. Simon thinks it was the wrong song, and it came across as a bit cheap. Randy called it a “hotel-kind of performance.” He called it “very average.” Kara thought it was great that he brought an uptempo song. She said the execution was not perfect.

Megan Joy Corkery is here to destroy my love of Motown. And she’s picked “For Once in my Life.” Stevie Wonder should leave the room immediately. Smokey said, “You are so different!” Boy oh boy.

[pardon me, I need to make a phone call...]

Operator: 911, what is your emergency?

Jester: Yes, can you please send someone to the Staples Center immediately? I’d like to report a murder.

Operator: A murder?

Jester: Yes. Megan Joy has left the bloody decapitated carcass of a Stevie Wonder song on the stage. It’s a bloodbath.

Operator: *typing* a bloodbath, you say?

Jester: Yes. It looks like Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, and Jason have all been in there just hacking away at this poor thing.

Operator: Thank you for the call, sir. We have officers responding already. Yours is the 13,274th call we’ve received in the past hour. Ryan Seacrest was the first caller.

Jester: I hope she gets the chair for this.

Randy called this performance a “train wreck, rushed, hectic.” Kara thinks she should have picked “My Guy.” She said the phrasing was weird, the rhythm was bizarre. Paula could really only remark that she is stunningly beautiful. Simon called it “horrible, an atrocious song, a terrible arrangement.” FINALLY the judges have come to their senses!

Anoop Desai gets to follow that ridiculous number. He’s picked “Ooo Baby Baby” by Smokey Robinson. This song is incredibly high, and requires a strong falsetto and has to be just pitch perfect. Smokey thought he did a great job. I have to say Anoop is making this song look really easy. His control and phrasing is spot on. His minor changes to the melody were nice, and his ending note was just beautiful. Again, he’s got to stop dressing like a fucking frat boy… Kara thought he did a “pretty good job” with an incredibly hard song. Paula wants to see more confidence, but thought his phrasing, delivery and falsetto was “spot on and sweet.” Simon thought it was a great vocal, but he needs to work on his showmanship. Randy said the falsetto was a bit pitchy, but it was a good performance.

Michael Sarver didn’t get to travel to Detroit since he was very sick last week. Poor guy. Michael has chosen “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” by The Temptations. Smokey thought he needed to hammer the song a bit more. I’m kinda tired of this guy, too. I’ve seen every trick in his book, and I’m not impressed. I hated his interpretation of this song. It doesn’t help that he is all over the place with his pitch. It almost seems like he’s worrying too much about his “sexy” faces than the song. Paula called it a “tough performance that was kinda Las Vegas-y.” Simon said he couldn’t wait for it to end. He also said that Michael has no chance of winning because he just isn’t good enough. Randy said the song was just too big for him, and he doesn’t have the R&B chops to do what he was trying to do. Kara said the competition is now more about artistry than singing, and Michael didn’t show any artistry.

Lil Rounds is here to sing “Heatwave” by Martha and the Vandellas. Smokey says she could sing the phone book. She looks so cute tonight with her long hair, fringe dress, and dangling earrings. She is so much more in her element tonight than she was for country night last week. She sang the hell out of this song. Her phrasing was a bit strange in places, like it was too fast for her perhaps. Randy thought the first half of the song wasn’t great, and thought the song was too fast for her. Kara didn’t think she picked the right song. Paula thought her performance was great and Lil owned the song. Simon called it “authentic” but didn’t think the song gave her a good “moment.” Simon reminded everyone that Lil is one of the best singers in the competition, just didn’t pick the right song.

Adam Lambert is fully embracing his strong resemblance to Elvis Presley tonight. Seriously, he looks JUST like him from some angles. He’s picked “The Tracks of My Tears.” Smokey said he’s never heard that song done that way, and that’s a good thing. The stripped down band with the drum box and guitarist is a nice switch for him. It’s sweet, tender, controlled, perfectly in key, and by far the best thing heard tonight. I seriously think Adam is the one to beat, and after a performance like this one, which received a standing ovation from Smokey Robinson himself, it’s going to be hard for the others to catch up. Kara stood up and called it awesome. Paula called him “completely in his own league.” Simon called it “The best performance of the night.” He said Adam has emerged as a star tonight. Randy said “Unbelievably hot.”

Danny Gokey picked “Get Ready” by The Temptations. Smokey thought he was fantastic. He’s made a terrible mistake that other Idol performers have made in the past… he’s disregarded the advice of the mentor by not singing the “you’re outta sight” part with the background vocalists. Hopefully that doesn’t bite him in the ass. His performance was a lot of fun but bordered on frantic. He was all over the stage. It bugs me that he takes breaths in weird spots on occasion, but I really love the tone of his voice and the bluesy elements he added to the melody. Another solid performance. Paula called it a “first class performance.” Simon thought it was “clumsy and amateurish.” Randy said he reminds him of Levi Stubbs. Kara thought it was “good, not great.”

Allison Iraheta is the last performer tonight, she’s doing “Papa Was A Rollin Stone” by The Temptations. Smokey thought she sang it her way and would do well. I absolutely HATE this song with the passion of a thousand burning suns. It’s almost a-melodic and the story is just depressing and sad. That being said, the notes of the song that actually exist were done really well. I think the judges are going to eat this up. All I see is yet another 16 year old Christina Aguilera wannabe who will probably sell a million records but will just disappear when she gets next to the real Christina. The audience is on its feet for her. Randy called it “blazing hot.” Kara called it “Amazing!” Paula called her “awesome.” Simon called her a “survivor” and said it was one of her best performances ever.

Ok, here’s my ranking:

1. Adam Lambert
2. Anoop Desai
3. Allison Iraheta
4. Matt Giraud
5. Danny Gokey
6. Kris Allen
7. Lil Rounds
8. Scott MacIntyre
9. Michael Sarver
10. Megan Joy Corkery

Ok… your turn… who’s going home?