Sep 25

Here’s a Thought

I don’t know where in the political spectrum my ideas on the economy put me. I don’t care really.

Here’s the deal: Asking taxpayers to bailout failing companies is ridiculous. Businesses should be allowed to fail. I don’t care if we’re talking about energy providers, airlines, or banks.

I have been the head of more than one company that has faltered, didn’t get off the ground, or has never materialized the way that I want, and I sure don’t see anyone standing in line to bail me out.

A business that is built on shoddy practices like “short-selling” and futures is bound to go down in a nasty flaming ball of poo.

Businesses that fail open the door to competition which lowers prices, introduces innovation, and bolster’s customer confidence and spending… which therefore jump starts the economy.

… An economy that isn’t backed by any tangible property or resource like gold or land, but is instead valued merely by the “reputation” and “confidence” in the US by other countries. The current administration (can we not call it that? Administration sort of connotes a leader…) has done nothing but destroy our reputation. Why is it such a surprise that the US dollar is soon going to be worth less than toilet paper?

Here’s my plan… First, make all the bank and finance CEO’s who have pocketed millions and millions of dollars over the past couple of years return that money to the companies to pay off the outrageous debts they owe.

Secondly, LET THEM FAIL. It’s about fucking time we have some equalization in the vast class discrepancy in this country. Why should we allow the government to spend 700 Billion dollars to maintain the status quo (which will fail again eventually!)?

Thirdly, and this is a big one… How about we take all of the unemployed people who need jobs to feed their families and put them to work on public projects, like roads, schools, bridges, levies, and urban renewal tasks? How about helping rebuild New Orleans and Galveston?

You may be thinking that this all sounds familiar. It should… it’s what happened after the Stock Market Crash of 1929. FDR instituted his “New Deal” (a chicken in every pot!) and built most of the public buildings and jails that are right now falling apart because there hasn’t been any funding to repair them. If we can find 700 Billion to bail out Wall Street fat cats, I say we can find half that to start putting things back together.

Of course no one in our government is interested in looking to the past for answers. You know that cliche’ “Those who don’t learn from the past are bound to repeat it?”


2008 is the new 1928. Where are my spats?

Sep 24

In Retrospect

I suppose I should have seen this coming, but I’m really taken aback. I mean, really, I just never even considered the possibility.

Clay Aiken is Gay!?

Clay Aiken is Gay!?

I thought every straight man from the south was into musical theatre, talked with a lisp, changed their hair color monthly and had surrogate babies with their much older female managers.

Sep 22

Some Random Stuff

Just once, I’d like to go to the doctor and get an actual diagnosis. Seems every time I go in, I get a lot of tests and head shaking.

This past week’s tests include: CBC, Lipids, Liver Panel, Bilirubin, H Pylori Antibody, Gluten Allergy, Celiac Disease Panel, Complete Metabolic Panel, 12-lead EKG, Chest X-Ray. By the end of the week I suspect an upper GI and an ultrasound.

My doctor has ruled out: Pancreatitis, Gall Stones, and Ulcer. She now suspects one of three things: Cardiac event of some sort, Hiatal Hernia, Abdominal Aneurysm.

There are only six words scarier than “We are out of toilet paper,” and they are, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Vice President Palin.”

Seriously, why is it so bad to run out of low on toilet paper? My household hits De-fece-con 5 when we’re down to our last three or four rolls. No one seems to notice if I run out of cottage cheese or lube, but lights and sirens go off when we break into the last package of Charmin.

I’d like to get back on a regular schedule with The Jester Show, but for that I need guests. You in?

I’m going to seriously kill someone if they don’t stop calling me on my cell phone and my house phone and my work phone trying to sell me an extended warranty on my car. Seriously.

I bought Rock Band 2 this weekend. I haven’t played in about 6 hours, so I’m suffering severe withdrawal. Better do something about that.

What’s up with you all?

Sep 14

Best response of the day…

So I was at a mall in Sacramento today working a bridal show as part of my job in Marketing of a travel agency. (You do all know I can sell travel now, right?)

After hours of talking to bride-to-be’s, mall shoppers, people of questionable mental faculties, and meth heads (sometimes this proved to be all the same person), a frail old man made his way to my booth.

UMB called him into the booth to check out the free cruise that we are giving away.

He wasn’t interested in signing up for the drawing. He sort of waved me off, and said in a quite voice, “I don’t need to win a cruise.”

I asked him if he had been on a cruise before. “Yes,” he replied.

“Where did you go?” I asked.


“Do you remember what cruise line you went on?” It seemed to be a reasonable question…

“Of course I do.” He said.

I was getting a bit frustrated at my inability to really engage him in my little sales pitch.

I made my last stab at it. “Did you have a good time on the Alaska Cruise?”

He responded, “Well, they didn’t set me on fire.”

What a life that guy must live.

Sep 06

Gushing Over No More Kings

It happens every so often… not often enough, though.

I have “discovered” an artist that I had never heard of, downloaded the album and now Can’t. Stop. Listening.

Seriously, I’m obsessed. I have 15,000 songs on my iPod and I have been listening to the same 13 over and over again for the past 4 days.

Who is this band, you might ask?

It’s No More Kings. It’s their self-titled album, and it’s clever and sharp and sounds fantastic.

The whole album is peppered with pop-culture references that include everything from Peanuts comic strip and Sally Brown’s secret love for Schroeder, Gargamel and the Smurfs, MC Hammer, Edith Bunker, The Karate Kid, Gene Kelly, and even a song written from the view point of Gulliver stuck in Lilliput.

There’s not a bad song on this album. I’m sharing a few songs with you here… I hope you enjoy and love it as much as I do. I’m like a drug pusher.

Here’s a song straight from the Peanuts Comic Strip:


A hilarious song about becoming a Zombie (no really. Listen and love it. I can’t stop giggling during the call and answer…)


My favorite song (I think) from the album that sort of captured my philosophy of life:


And here’s the song you may have already heard written from the point of view of Johnny, the bad guy in The Karate Kid:

You know, I used to write about music a lot. It’s just been a long time since I’ve found something I like this much!

Have you found any new artists lately that I should check out?

Sep 01

Call the Police

One of my “best” friends hasn’t called me in over 3 years, at least without getting a voice mail from me first. If we get together for lunch or go out together it is because I invited him.

Another friend calls me only when he’s having a major drama in his life and needs something from me.

I haven’t spoken to my oldest childhood friend in over a year. I know because I have intentionally stopped calling her, just to see how long it would take to hear from her.

An ex-band mate and “close” friend who now lives in Nashville was in town last week and didn’t bother to let me know. I found out because he updated his Myspace page to say “Home from my trip to California.”

I don’t want to come across as a whiny-assed bitch (I know, too late, right?), but what the fuck?

This is a constantly repeating pattern I find myself in… Friendships with people who can’t be bothered to do even the slightest bit of “maintenance.” And it’s not even that I require that much.

I’ve determined that I must really be just a complete asshole that no one really likes.

Either that, or there is a rash of hooligans that have gone around to all of my friends and broken their phone-dialing fingers…

In that case, please call the cops.