The One Where Jester Becomes THAT Asshole

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[UPDATED 7/25/08: Please see the new post describing the aftermath, apologies, and reconciliation before you launch a new attack on either me or Lisa.]

Seriously, you all just might want to unsub from this blog right now. Just walk away shaking your head and saying I can’t BELIEVE that guy…

Still here?

Ok then, you fucking asked for it.

My post about Annoyances yesterday was, for the most part, taken for exactly what it was… a tongue-in-cheek diatribe describing the bitter mood I’ve found myself in for the past few days. Most of you understood that not only was I poking fun at a lot of you, but I was also mostly poking fun at myself. MOST of you played along in comments and reminded me how much fun my blog can actually be.

But then there is that ONE person who seems to think she was unfairly called out. Or was being targeted in some smear campaign.

Lisa from Clusterfook seems to think that she is the only person I could have possibly been talking about who writes about needing money. Or who might have other people asking to donate money on her behalf.

At least that’s what I *think* she is upset about. I’m not sure, because she’s not real clear in her comments whether she’s upset about the money thing or the Anti-BlogHer thing.

Oh, but we CAN look in our handy little feed readers and find out what her real problem is… Shall we do that?

And before one any of you scream at me to take this to email, let me just say this: The post went out to everyone who gets her feed. I’d link to the post and leave a comment there responding to her, but the post was pulled making that impossible. I also know that the Cunt Coven and all their harpies will be streaming out of the woodwork to call for my public beheading whether I address the issue or not.

Here’s what the post said:

I’ve about had it with this guy having problems with the kindness of others helping my family and I’m done. This is the second time he’s had something to say about how it “annoys” him that other bloggers would help out a blogger who has cancer.

I’m sick of this two-faced ass acting like he cares then stabbing me in the back. He makes me sick. He stressed me out beyond belief in April and now he dares to do it again.

How fortunate for you that you are healthy. How fortunate that you have a job. I once had all of those things but you know what? Life changed. I got cancer…three fucking times in four years. I got laid off from my job…four days before I started chemo. I was denied Unemployment.

Think it’s a sob story? I don’t do sob stories…I do the truth. Be a man for once and have the balls to come to me first and tell me you have a problem instead of being a pussy by hiding on your blog.

I’m done with this crap. I’ve had it.

Let’s take a look at this a bit closer, shall we? First, here’s what I ACTUALLY said in my post yesterday that Lisa seems to have an issue with:

Things that are annoying Jester about the Blog-o-sphere lately: # Pro-BlogHer posts # Anti-BlogHer posts [...] # Posts that thinly veil a beg for money # Posts that overtly direct you to give money to those thinly veiling their begs for money [...]

Now back to Lisa’s post:

[...] having problems with the kindness of others helping my family and I’m done. This is the second time he’s had something to say about how it “annoys” him that other bloggers would help out a blogger who has cancer.

Would someone please point out to me where I’ve said anything at all about having a problem with the kindness of others? Where did I say anything about being annoyed by people helping out someone with cancer? I’ve run a find “cancer” on that post a dozen times and funny, nothing comes up. Lisa says that this is the SECOND time that I’ve said this. Certainly she is referring to my Call to Action post from back in April, where I dared say that I didn’t trust the person organizing the drive to raise money for Lisa’s trip to DisneyWorld. That post CERTAINLY doesn’t say anything negative about actually helping Lisa, in fact, it says just the opposite. It calls people to contact their employers and other companies that could help provide needed supplies for her and her family. Man, I’m such an asshole!

I’m sick of this two-faced ass acting like he cares then stabbing me in the back. He makes me sick. He stressed me out beyond belief in April and now he dares to do it again.

Where exactly did I stab Lisa in the back? At what point did I do something that was “two-faced?” I can be accused of many things, but being two-faced is not one of them. The emails and chats that I exchanged with Lisa back when the Call to Action clusterfuck was going on indicated to me that she wasn’t “stressed” or even upset with me. She certainly wasn’t “crying her eyes out” as the commentors claimed. She merely said that she “wished there wasn’t so much drama surrounding this, but I know not everyone gets along.”

How fortunate for you that you are healthy. How fortunate that you have a job. I once had all of those things but you know what? Life changed. I got cancer…three fucking times in four years. I got laid off from my job…four days before I started chemo. I was denied Unemployment.

Healthy? Me? I have CFS, a disease no one really believes exists or for which a set course of treatment exists. I’m overweight, pre-diabetic, my liver is doing some funky shit, my blood pressure is off the charts, and every single cold or flu bug that comes along knocks me on my ass for 2 weeks at a minimum. I finally have a steady job again after being mostly out of work for the better part of a year. My house is going into foreclosure and I don’t see any way out of it. But Lisa’s right, I’m not dying at the same rate of speed she is.

My point is that we all have some fucked up shit in our lives. It sucks that Lisa got cancer. Again. It sucks that the system is totally letting her down. It sucks that she has all this pent up anger inside that she feels she has to throw in my direction. It sucks that there isn’t a bloody thing that any one of us can do to stop this sickness.

Think it’s a sob story? I don’t do sob stories…I do the truth. Be a man for once and have the balls to come to me first and tell me you have a problem instead of being a pussy by hiding on your blog.

Now see, here we go… IF I had a problem with Lisa I would have certainly gone to her directly. I have absolutely NO problem going to the source. I was recently quite perturbed at Miss Britt over something I’m sure I was blowing out of proportion. She got an email from me that told her I was upset and why and everything blew over.

Calling me a pussy on her blog and then pulling the post so that I can’t respond? That’s just delicious irony there.

________________

This part of this post is directed to Lisa head on and posted here so there is no misquoting and faked emails going around about what I did or did not say because I know how certain people on the polluted side of the blog pond operate.

I really am sorry that you are taking something personally that you shouldn’t be. I know that your entire world must be completely consumed by your situation. I know that reading things through that particular lens must be a tough thing to do. But it’s really rather silly of you to go off all righteous when you have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. Yours is not the only blog I read. Yours is not the only tragic tale being told. You’re not even the only person I read who has cancer.

Your blog also doesn’t “thinly veil” your fund raising campaign. It’s pretty blatant.

There is an entire universe of things happening outside your doorstep, outside of your blog, and outside of your cancer that will continue to happen long after you or I or anyone reading this are dead and gone. That’s a pretty easy thing to intellectualize, but incredibly difficult to actually realize.

I have been in the position of watching people die around me more than most people. I have lost friends suddenly to suicide and slowly from AIDS. I’ve had family members linger with painful cancers and emphysema. I’ve spent countless hours in hospitals and nursing homes caring for patients who are barely conscious or lucid. I’ve also scooped up the results of devastating car accidents into tiny bags.

I’ve come away from the sum of these experiences with a fundamental truth about life:

You should count yourself lucky that you know your death is imminent. You have the opportunity to say all the things that you want to say to everyone in your life that is important to you. You have the opportunity to write letters to your children, make videos for them to watch on days when they miss their mother. You can put your affairs in order and make your wishes about your funeral and your remains known.

Anyone of us could step off a curb and get creamed by a bus ten minutes after stepping outside. What would we have left undone? Would I have called my parents to thank them for everything they have ever done for me? Would UMB know what he means to me, or what to do with all my things? Would I have the opportunity to leave something lasting for the world to remember me by? Would the people who have enriched my life via this blog know how much of a rock they have become to me?

Not if I stepped off that curb into the path of a bus tomorrow.

You? You have the answer to the question that every single religion in existence was created to solve.
You have the answer to the question that plagues every single human being on the planet: “When and How will I die? How much time do I have?”

The answer is not very fucking much. And you’re spending that time fretting about medical bills and collection agents and the perceived slights against you on a stranger’s blog? You are expending your energies writing missives about my being a two-faced ass, and blaming me for the actions of others who don’t believe you are even sick?

Get yourself set up with a bankruptcy attorney who can help bail your family out of the overwhelming debt the medical bills are creating. That’s why bankruptcy laws were created, to help those who suffer a devastating event. Your illness certainly qualifies.

Spend the remaining time you have left focusing on things that matter… your family, your friends, and your spiritual needs.

Everything else, me included? A barely visible blip on the radar. Nothing more than a little noise.

I wish you peace, laughter, and all the love you can squeeze into the months ahead.

-Paul
aka Jester

118 thoughts on “The One Where Jester Becomes THAT Asshole”

  1. I actually agree. When I quoted Crys, it was because I firmly believe that EVERYONE should be doing that…not just YOU, not just Lisa, but all of us. Every last person.

    *I* said what I had to say here because I am more comfortable with you and know you better. I know that what we say will not lead to a big blow up fight thing at all. So fucknugget, take me out of your “everybody” basket, thank you very much.

    (Othurme, don’t put me on the list! He knows I am half kidding)

    Hillys last blog post..Reality Bites….

  3. basteine – I agree, they both suck differently. I am very sorry for your loss, and having been around these situations I know how really TOUGH they are. The fact remains that I didn’t condemn anyone (even Lisa) for their fundraising. I listed it as one annoyance among many, including many that I am guilty of myself. The whole thing was blown out of proportion and I was left in a position of having to defend myself against attacks for being an unsympathetic asshole who kick cancer patients and trips old ladies in the grocery store.

  4. Jester, just because I didn’t leave such a comment on her blog doesn’t mean I haven’t told her to take it to email privately. While that Twitter thing was happening the other night, actually.

  5. Hilly – Look here, Fluffy McPiehole, I will cut you! I will bring a rain of fire upon your head and sic the gay mafia on you to give you a nightmarish hairdo… just kidding… about raining fire upon your head.

    Karl – So…. private support, public condemnation? I’m just saying that there should be some balance in this equation… You can publicly tell me that I’m being an ass, but you can’t do the same for her?

  6. I did NOT condemn you. I commented here because you’re a more public person. Saying that I might have handled it differently is not a matter of condemnation. You know I love you. But when someone emails me privately, as did Lisa, I tend to opt to keep it that way. You’ve never had a problem (as far as I know) talking about stuff publicly.

  9. Karl – Well, the fact remains that I don’t see you or anyone else telling Lisa to take the high road. Everyone comes here pretending to have a balanced and level-headed middle of the road Switzerland approach, but only saying it to me. Someone’s thumb is on the fucking scale, so that even those people who claim to understand where I’m coming from appear publicly to be on the lynch mob.

    Hilly – You really need to update that mafia page. Seriously.

    Steve Rebooted – Stick around and wait for #4,761. (That’s 69 squared for the math-challenged)

  11. I’ve been here before but never commented. First I would like to say WOW you are an excellent writer.

    Secondly, I can see both sides. She probably does have blinders on because she only knows of her situation, her cancer, her heartache, her problems.

    Thirdly, I agree with everything you said here. I’ve always said if I KNEW I was going to die soon, I would make the best of my life, and make damn sure I had videos and journals for my children to watch. I wouldn’t want to be sad. Yes, they can miss me, but I want them to celebrate the life I HAD, not the death at my funeral. I want them to remember me in the good times, the fun and laughter we shared, and not dwell on what could have been.

    Amen to you.

    Robinas last blog post..Daycares and Barnyards

  12. I think that a lot of people don’t realize that when you have a disease like cancer, you are not only mad at the situation, but you also are mad at yourself. Not your spirit, but your body. How dare your body betray you like this? You’ve nourished it and kept it active and THIS is how you are gonna go down?

    It put a whole different facet on your suffering, because there is no one to blame. You see instances where someone is hit by a careless driver or where a person got a deadly disease through risky behavior, even, and even though no one intended for someone’s life to be compromised, there is someone to be angry at…some instance or action to blame. “If I hadn’t this or if he hadn’t that, this wouldn’t be happening.” It’s just human nature to blame someone or something…but what if there is no one to blame but your own body? Not even yourself, but this body that is supposed to be a part of you and yet seems like a traitorous appendage?

    It’s just another example of the things that are so real to someone with a disease like cancer, but probably don’t even occur to someone who hasn’t been in that situation. I’m sure there are dozens of others. No one who hasn’t walked in those shoes knows, and even then, we are all different and we experience things differently, we remember things differently, and we interpret things differently.

    The other thing I’d like to address is the “at least you know” comment. I do believe that you believe that, and it may be true. For you. But your reality does not make someone else’s less real. And I think it’s important to acknowledge that.

    See, my son’s father was killed in a car accident when he was 7. He was young and strong and you can’t get much more sudden than leaving for work and never coming home. My son never got the chance to say goodbye. His father never got the chance to fill his last weeks, or months, with memory making. It was jarring and really fucking hard to get through, not that my son doesn’t still have the occasional breakdown about it.

    But watching him get sick, and deteriorate, would have been every bit as hard, knowing we could do nothing-NOTHING to help him. Watching his quality of life diminish, seeing him struggle with the internal hell of wanting to do more, be more, and having the mental capacity to know how, but not being strong enough to follow through. And when I think of how that must feel….being my children’s mother, and yet not being physically able to do the things that mothers do; knowing you won’t be there for their graduations, their weddings, the births of their children, and even those less celebrated, but somehow more intimate occasions like your daughter’s first period, or your son’s first gig with his band….it’s horrifying to me. To have to trust that someone will be there, and knowing that you can’t make sure like you would be able to.

    I think it is a gift to be able to say the things you need to say before someone you love passes, or before you pass yourself. But in the case of a disease like cancer, it is a gift that comes at a high price. I don’t think any of us has the right to say which is better, beyond saying what we feel *we* would prefer for ourselves.

    And as far as the rest of it, I stay neutral, cuz that’s how I roll. *grin*

    Angels last blog post..Ever move your house? No, not your stuff. Your HOUSE.

  13. Jester, It is amazing how disagreements conducted in public with bystander and observer participation take on a life of their own. You say what you feel, I comment with a different view, and life should go on. Instead you say what feel, The mob mentality kicks in , the lynching begins and everyone is stuck. Free speech. Everyone can speak their mind. I don’t have to like it or agree. It can infuriate me. I also don’t have to read it either. And if I open my mouth, as I have, I open my comments up for disagreement. As you have. Respectfully, I might add. Coming from Lisa’s blog, I had a mindset. After reading your’s it reinforced my preconceptions. But your comments have a different tone altogether. Maybe I had the wrong preconception….. Maybe people could learn to agree to disagree…. and …. maybe I should wish for world peace and a winning lottery ticket………

  14. it’s good to see that once again you two have agreed to bury the hatchet. are you enjoying your matching icepacks?

    ~try~ to remember the icepacks the next time you are feeling overly annoyed, you’re a cali boy now, chill and send the annoyance my way. it’s part of my recommended daily diet.

    *mwah*

    heathers last blog post..you’ve got to be kidding!

  15. Pingback: Jestertunes » Blog Archive » A Real Clusterfook

  16. um, jester, i have seen you trip old ladies in the grocery store.

    ha! just kidding. i saw you do it at the convalescent home.

    well, i have been lax in stopping by here since taking a bit of a break from the blogosphere over the past two months AND for fuck’s sake you’ve gone and ruffled some feathers!

    anyway, i don’t want to debate the issue of who is wrong in this situation; that point is moot especially after reading through all the comments…hm, do i get a reward for reading them all?…just wondering.

    seriously, i hope everyone can find a resolution to their own crises and get on with the better things in life. life really is too short regardless of whether or not you know how short it really is.

    danny/ink2metals last blog post..can someone make some noise, please!?!

  17. Chris – Make mine a Pinot or Cabernet, please.

    Robina – Thanks for stopping by. I hope you stick around a bit!

    Angel – Thanks for your comments. I think everyone has their own sense of how they want to go out and when. No one says the gift of knowledge comes without a steep price. No argument from me.

    Basteine – I think it’s important to always try to dig a bit deeper. I think you and I could find even more common ground. While you’r asking for things, I could use a spare million. ;)

    heather – You can have the attitude back for the weekend. I could use the break.

    Danny – Welcome Back. I’ve wondered where you’ve been hiding.