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Because I know how much you guys like my bulleted posts of random drops of brain nougat…
Mmm. Nougat.
- I never order any food items that have a positive descriptive or “marketing” word in their title. I will never eat a “Big and Tasty” from McDonald’s. What if it’s not really tasty? I don’t want “Super Tangy” sauce. The one exception? A “Perfect Margarita” at Applebee’s.
- Similarly, I never order anything with a rhyming name, or cutesy title. I will never order a “Rooty-Tooty Fresh and Fruity” or Gods help me, a “Moons Over My Hammy.” I’m sure they are delicious items, but I can’t bring myself to say it out loud to a waiter.
- Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” is celebrating its 25th Anniversary this year. For as fucked up as his personal life is, there is no denying that he is a musical genius. While at Applebee’s tonight, “Billie Jean” came on the restaurant audio system and people at every table, some barely teenagers, started singing along and dancing in their seats. That’s incredible.
- I don’t know how far across the US this has spread yet, but in California, the kids are wearing Day-Glo, teased hair, lace gloves, and big shiny belts. I have now reached the age where my childhood styles are back in a big way.
- Watching a pack of teenage girls wander past you dressed as though they stepped out of your middle-school yearbook causes me to experience what I can only imagine a bad acid trip to feel like.
This is directed to the woman in hair rollers who I observed at Applebee’s and later at the movie theatre:
- Rollers? Hi, it’s 2008.
- Where could you possibly be going after your dinner and movie that requires being dressier than dinner and a movie?
- Wal-Mart called. You left a kid and your bra there.
And finally…
- I don’t understand couples who go out to dinner and sit on the same side of a booth. It’s just weird.




















