Jul 30

Dave Diego 2008

I’ve barely had the chance to breathe since last Friday when Othurme, UMB, and I sailed out of town on our way to meet Hilly, Karl, Winterheart, and Motley and the rest of the gang in southern California.

I could run down a play by play of all the events.

I could tell you about all the funny things that happened.

I could tell you about the behind-the-scenes dramas.

I could tell you about my experience injecting Dave from Blogography with the gay.

But I’m not going to… Instead I’m going to point you to my flickr page and all the other posts that went up detailing different aspects of the night.

I sincerely enjoyed meeting everyone that came that night to hang out. I got to meet some bloggers I’ve interacted with for a long time, as well as some that were completely unknown to me.

I also got to meet Daniel and Richard and Gooster who didn’t know what a DaveDiego was, but were more than happy to come out and meet me for the first time.

It was a whirlwind of a weekend and I’m paying for it by being dreadfully behind on every project that is in the works.

Oh well. I suppose one must pay the piper to dance to his music, right?

Jul 25

A Real Clusterfook

I’m sure by now you have all become familiar with the brouhaha that has taken place around here the past few days.

It was a shining example of how a small misinterpretation can lead to a misunderstanding which leads to accusations, insults, hackles being raised, Jester getting defensive, and lots of people throwing their quarters into the swear jar.

And ultimately, realizations, apologies, and reconciliations.

For the record, I hold a great respect for Lisa and the strength and courage she has exhibited during her struggles with Cancer and the associated woes.

Despite my best efforts to keep my response to her post written in anger from seeming to be a personal attack upon her, many commenters took it as exactly that.

A few people took my post as a license to speculate about the reality of Lisa’s illness or to lob insults at her.

For my role in providing that opportunity, I apologize.

Occasionally it’s necessary for a festering wound to be drained before healing can occur. It is my hope that the infection has been cleansed and everyone will allow Lisa to focus her energies on herself, her family and friends, and the things that bring her joy during the difficult times ahead.

Lisa and I have had the opportunity to speak, and as far as I am concerned the matter is closed, forgiven, and forgotten.

Many of us showed our asses this week, I think it’s time we pull our pants up and get back to poking fun at people who really deserve it: Republicans, Nascar Fans, Fundamentalists, Crazy Co-Worker…

and Karl.

That guy has it coming!

Jul 23

The One Where Jester Becomes THAT Asshole

[UPDATED 7/25/08: Please see the new post describing the aftermath, apologies, and reconciliation before you launch a new attack on either me or Lisa.]

Seriously, you all just might want to unsub from this blog right now. Just walk away shaking your head and saying I can’t BELIEVE that guy…

Still here?

Ok then, you fucking asked for it.

My post about Annoyances yesterday was, for the most part, taken for exactly what it was… a tongue-in-cheek diatribe describing the bitter mood I’ve found myself in for the past few days. Most of you understood that not only was I poking fun at a lot of you, but I was also mostly poking fun at myself. MOST of you played along in comments and reminded me how much fun my blog can actually be.

But then there is that ONE person who seems to think she was unfairly called out. Or was being targeted in some smear campaign.

Lisa from Clusterfook seems to think that she is the only person I could have possibly been talking about who writes about needing money. Or who might have other people asking to donate money on her behalf.

At least that’s what I *think* she is upset about. I’m not sure, because she’s not real clear in her comments whether she’s upset about the money thing or the Anti-BlogHer thing.

Oh, but we CAN look in our handy little feed readers and find out what her real problem is… Shall we do that?

And before one any of you scream at me to take this to email, let me just say this: The post went out to everyone who gets her feed. I’d link to the post and leave a comment there responding to her, but the post was pulled making that impossible. I also know that the Cunt Coven and all their harpies will be streaming out of the woodwork to call for my public beheading whether I address the issue or not.

Here’s what the post said:

I’ve about had it with this guy having problems with the kindness of others helping my family and I’m done. This is the second time he’s had something to say about how it “annoys” him that other bloggers would help out a blogger who has cancer.

I’m sick of this two-faced ass acting like he cares then stabbing me in the back. He makes me sick. He stressed me out beyond belief in April and now he dares to do it again.

How fortunate for you that you are healthy. How fortunate that you have a job. I once had all of those things but you know what? Life changed. I got cancer…three fucking times in four years. I got laid off from my job…four days before I started chemo. I was denied Unemployment.

Think it’s a sob story? I don’t do sob stories…I do the truth. Be a man for once and have the balls to come to me first and tell me you have a problem instead of being a pussy by hiding on your blog.

I’m done with this crap. I’ve had it.

Let’s take a look at this a bit closer, shall we? First, here’s what I ACTUALLY said in my post yesterday that Lisa seems to have an issue with:

Things that are annoying Jester about the Blog-o-sphere lately: # Pro-BlogHer posts # Anti-BlogHer posts […] # Posts that thinly veil a beg for money # Posts that overtly direct you to give money to those thinly veiling their begs for money […]

Now back to Lisa’s post:

[…] having problems with the kindness of others helping my family and I’m done. This is the second time he’s had something to say about how it “annoys” him that other bloggers would help out a blogger who has cancer.

Would someone please point out to me where I’ve said anything at all about having a problem with the kindness of others? Where did I say anything about being annoyed by people helping out someone with cancer? I’ve run a find “cancer” on that post a dozen times and funny, nothing comes up. Lisa says that this is the SECOND time that I’ve said this. Certainly she is referring to my Call to Action post from back in April, where I dared say that I didn’t trust the person organizing the drive to raise money for Lisa’s trip to DisneyWorld. That post CERTAINLY doesn’t say anything negative about actually helping Lisa, in fact, it says just the opposite. It calls people to contact their employers and other companies that could help provide needed supplies for her and her family. Man, I’m such an asshole!

I’m sick of this two-faced ass acting like he cares then stabbing me in the back. He makes me sick. He stressed me out beyond belief in April and now he dares to do it again.

Where exactly did I stab Lisa in the back? At what point did I do something that was “two-faced?” I can be accused of many things, but being two-faced is not one of them. The emails and chats that I exchanged with Lisa back when the Call to Action clusterfuck was going on indicated to me that she wasn’t “stressed” or even upset with me. She certainly wasn’t “crying her eyes out” as the commentors claimed. She merely said that she “wished there wasn’t so much drama surrounding this, but I know not everyone gets along.”

How fortunate for you that you are healthy. How fortunate that you have a job. I once had all of those things but you know what? Life changed. I got cancer…three fucking times in four years. I got laid off from my job…four days before I started chemo. I was denied Unemployment.

Healthy? Me? I have CFS, a disease no one really believes exists or for which a set course of treatment exists. I’m overweight, pre-diabetic, my liver is doing some funky shit, my blood pressure is off the charts, and every single cold or flu bug that comes along knocks me on my ass for 2 weeks at a minimum. I finally have a steady job again after being mostly out of work for the better part of a year. My house is going into foreclosure and I don’t see any way out of it. But Lisa’s right, I’m not dying at the same rate of speed she is.

My point is that we all have some fucked up shit in our lives. It sucks that Lisa got cancer. Again. It sucks that the system is totally letting her down. It sucks that she has all this pent up anger inside that she feels she has to throw in my direction. It sucks that there isn’t a bloody thing that any one of us can do to stop this sickness.

Think it’s a sob story? I don’t do sob stories…I do the truth. Be a man for once and have the balls to come to me first and tell me you have a problem instead of being a pussy by hiding on your blog.

Now see, here we go… IF I had a problem with Lisa I would have certainly gone to her directly. I have absolutely NO problem going to the source. I was recently quite perturbed at Miss Britt over something I’m sure I was blowing out of proportion. She got an email from me that told her I was upset and why and everything blew over.

Calling me a pussy on her blog and then pulling the post so that I can’t respond? That’s just delicious irony there.

________________

This part of this post is directed to Lisa head on and posted here so there is no misquoting and faked emails going around about what I did or did not say because I know how certain people on the polluted side of the blog pond operate.

I really am sorry that you are taking something personally that you shouldn’t be. I know that your entire world must be completely consumed by your situation. I know that reading things through that particular lens must be a tough thing to do. But it’s really rather silly of you to go off all righteous when you have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. Yours is not the only blog I read. Yours is not the only tragic tale being told. You’re not even the only person I read who has cancer.

Your blog also doesn’t “thinly veil” your fund raising campaign. It’s pretty blatant.

There is an entire universe of things happening outside your doorstep, outside of your blog, and outside of your cancer that will continue to happen long after you or I or anyone reading this are dead and gone. That’s a pretty easy thing to intellectualize, but incredibly difficult to actually realize.

I have been in the position of watching people die around me more than most people. I have lost friends suddenly to suicide and slowly from AIDS. I’ve had family members linger with painful cancers and emphysema. I’ve spent countless hours in hospitals and nursing homes caring for patients who are barely conscious or lucid. I’ve also scooped up the results of devastating car accidents into tiny bags.

I’ve come away from the sum of these experiences with a fundamental truth about life:

You should count yourself lucky that you know your death is imminent. You have the opportunity to say all the things that you want to say to everyone in your life that is important to you. You have the opportunity to write letters to your children, make videos for them to watch on days when they miss their mother. You can put your affairs in order and make your wishes about your funeral and your remains known.

Anyone of us could step off a curb and get creamed by a bus ten minutes after stepping outside. What would we have left undone? Would I have called my parents to thank them for everything they have ever done for me? Would UMB know what he means to me, or what to do with all my things? Would I have the opportunity to leave something lasting for the world to remember me by? Would the people who have enriched my life via this blog know how much of a rock they have become to me?

Not if I stepped off that curb into the path of a bus tomorrow.

You? You have the answer to the question that every single religion in existence was created to solve.
You have the answer to the question that plagues every single human being on the planet: “When and How will I die? How much time do I have?”

The answer is not very fucking much. And you’re spending that time fretting about medical bills and collection agents and the perceived slights against you on a stranger’s blog? You are expending your energies writing missives about my being a two-faced ass, and blaming me for the actions of others who don’t believe you are even sick?

Get yourself set up with a bankruptcy attorney who can help bail your family out of the overwhelming debt the medical bills are creating. That’s why bankruptcy laws were created, to help those who suffer a devastating event. Your illness certainly qualifies.

Spend the remaining time you have left focusing on things that matter… your family, your friends, and your spiritual needs.

Everything else, me included? A barely visible blip on the radar. Nothing more than a little noise.

I wish you peace, laughter, and all the love you can squeeze into the months ahead.

-Paul
aka Jester

Jul 22

Annoyed

Miss Britt emailed me today wondering if I had died since there hasn’t been a post here in 5 days.

Obviously I’m not dead.

My response was basically that I’ve been entertaining Hilly and Karl this weekend. Plus, I’ve reached a level of annoyance with the general blog-o-sphere that makes it kinda hard to care right now.

It’s nothing major, really, and I’m sure it’s just me, but I’m in the sort of mood where I think every blog I read is shitty, boring, offensive, stupid or ridiculous.

Yes, even yours.

See. I’m just in that mood. So don’t take this personally, even if it is directed at you:

Things that are annoying Jester about the Blog-o-sphere lately:

  • Pro-BlogHer posts
  • Anti-BlogHer posts
  • Posts about how fucking hot it is
  • 5000 word rambling posts that go no where
  • Posts that thinly veil a beg for money
  • Posts that overtly direct you to give money to those thinly veiling their begs for money
  • People who have heretofore shown absolutely no moral restraint suddenly acting as though they are up for sainthood
  • Hypocrites who seem to have all received blows to the head rendering them amnesiastic
  • Posts about real or perceived mental illnesses
  • Posts about open secrets in coy language and innuendo
  • TequilaCon, JesterCon, BrittCon, JesterPoo 1 & 2, Dave-Anything recap posts
  • Posts consisting of nothing but pictures of hot guys
  • Posts from “retired” bloggers
  • Lists of annoyances

Did I leave anything out? Anyone have a suggestion as to what I can do to get out of this mindset?

Jul 17

A Little Self-Examination

“If you feel pain, you’re pressing too hard.”

Really? No kidding?

In all seriousness, most men who are diagnosed with testicular cancer are under the age of 40. It’s vitally important to check yourself.

In fact, I feel so strongly about this, I’m planning to check myself hourly daily.

I’m also willing to sacrifice my time and medical expertise by performing this examination on others.

The line begins on the left. There’s no need to push, I’ll get to everyone.

 
Jul 16

Making an Effort

In case any one is wondering, I am trying to make more of an effort at writing something on my blog instead of relying on easy posts like Friday Hotness and Caption Me entries.

Somedays I’ve got it.

Somedays I don’t.

Today is one of those days.

Be sure you tune in for tonight’s Jester Show at 10pm Eastern. My special guest is a close personal non-blogger friend who I’ve known for many years. Leayn is an inner-city music teacher, studio owner, and a fag hag from WAY back.

I mean she’s old.

I mean… she’s not old, she’s seasoned.

Yeah.

Seasoned.

Jul 15

Guest Post: Can a Good Girl Gone Bad Get Back to Good?

[From Jester: Every so often, I find myself in possession of a story that comes to me from a source outside of my normal circle of blogs. (Shut up, I do too know people outside the PRB!) It happens on occasion that someone I know even tangentially feels the need to get something off their chest in a place where no one knows them or where whatever judgment is cast upon them doesn’t seem as terrible. Today’s post is one of those occasions. Don’t ask me who wrote it, because I won’t tell you. Don’t ask me any questions about it, because I don’t know the answers. I do know that I will pass along any responses should the author wish to reply to comments.

If anyone else out there reading this would like a place to post something anonymously, you can contact me via email on my contact page, Instant Messenger as JesterNCal (yahoo or aim), twitter, or telepathically if you have the means to do so.]

Okay. Not sure where to begin with this. I’ve never really told anyone about this mostly because I suppose I didn’t want anyone to know what a hypocrite I am. And a loser. And all the other bad things I can possibly think of myself. But now that I have royally fucked up my life (and yet hardly anyone knows…interesting…) I need to talk about it with people who have no clue who I am. So here goes my post….

He was larger than life. When he smiled at you, your knees became jello and you suddenly couldn’t remember your name. In the moment it took you to recover, he would walk up to you, slide his hand around your waist and say hello, sending you right back into your former state. Handsome, rugged and charming, I knew exactly who he was and what his game was, regardless of what he did to my undergarments. No sir, I wanted nothing to do with this player.

He had been married a long time. Married, I suppose, was really a loose term, though. Each of them had freedom to pursue whatever options they wanted as long as they returned to their shared bed at the end of the day. I found it ridiculous. Preposterous that people would live that way. Cheapen their love and dedication. Cheapen the institution of marriage. I clung to my husband whenever they were around so that there were no misconceptions about our interest in such games. We all became good friends and during a frank conversation, they let us know that they were well aware that we were not interested. Whatever their personal habits, they were good friends and it was nice to feel part of a group again. I found it easy to be my conservative faith-driven self and be accepted for who I was. They all knew I didn’t judge. How could I? Then someone might look at me…and even then, I knew I was no example of a spirit-filled life. My heart believed, but I often made the wrong choices. Probably like most of us.

About a year into our friendship, something happened one evening that made me begin to question everything.

When saying our goodbyes, (let’s call him) Jim wrapped his arms around me and gently bit my neck. I smiled and waved and went home, replaying that moment for the next few weeks. I knew he was “bad”. I knew his habits. I loved my husband and would never. Ever. But he wasn’t around much, and when he was, he was buried in a book or just not emotionally there. I was so lonely and it felt so good to feel that attraction. I tried not to think about it. I tried to just not participate in the flirting. But Jim always found me in the corner and put his arms around me, weakening my resolve.

The first time was almost silly. We had both had too much to drink and found ourselves alone. I berated myself for thinking I could do something like that. That I would jeopardize my marriage and my family by being unfaithful. I was sick at the thought of what my husband would think. But he didn’t notice any changes in me. He didn’t know. In fact, I don’t think he realized I was there most of the time. All justifications, I know. And so we continued. For a year.

His wife knew about most of it. In fact, she was involved several times. She approved the involvement until he began spending more time with me than with her. Then she cut it off abruptly. We tried to abide, but were unable to distance ourselves from one another. I think that’s when the countdown began.

The end came, as we knew it would, after a weekend away. We had managed to escape our families and spend a blissful four days alone together. This was to be a goodbye, in my mind. I would fade away and stop calling. Stop visiting. Stop being anything to him. Our relationship had deepened exponentially and we freely admitted loving one another. This might very well kill me, I thought. Neither of us would ever leave our spouses, however, and there was just no point to our relationship. I was so sure I would be a fling. Just another one of his women. It would have been easier. I begged him to get back to his regular games and break my heart so I could just be through with him. But he wouldn’t. He saw no one else the year he was with me. There were moments…only moments…when we almost spoke out loud what we might be willing to do in order to be together. But the reality was what it was and our time needed to end. Our drive home was quiet and tearful. We said goodbye, promising to be friends. Just friends.

I found myself unrecognizable. I had developed habits of lies and betrayal for no purpose other than to be devastated when it all (predictably) came to an end. The tragedy of forbidden love and the reality that I really didn’t like myself anymore have come together, bringing me where I am now-on my knees. I used to be the “good” one. The happy, friendly and non-judgmental person who loved everyone and believed that every person deserved respect and caring. I finally liked myself.

And now?

My dearest friend doesn’t understand why I can’t be at her home. Because I am in love with her husband. And he with me. I find myself trying to reconnect with my own husband and see in him all the things that Jim was to me. There are rumblings in our circle about the nature of our relationship. It’s quite possible they might get back to my husband. More than anything, I am a blubbering mess and can’t tell anyone why I am so crushed. Why I am so unworthy of any caring or respect. Why I should just disappear.

I know what I’ve done. I deserve what I get. I’ve lost a love. I don’t know where to go from here. I guess I’m just lost. Doing the right thing would have been much easier had I done it from the beginning.

-Unfaithfully Anonymous

Jul 14

Some Bulleted Observations

Because I know how much you guys like my bulleted posts of random drops of brain nougat…

Mmm. Nougat.

  • I never order any food items that have a positive descriptive or “marketing” word in their title. I will never eat a “Big and Tasty” from McDonald’s. What if it’s not really tasty? I don’t want “Super Tangy” sauce. The one exception? A “Perfect Margarita” at Applebee’s.
  • Similarly, I never order anything with a rhyming name, or cutesy title. I will never order a “Rooty-Tooty Fresh and Fruity” or Gods help me, a “Moons Over My Hammy.” I’m sure they are delicious items, but I can’t bring myself to say it out loud to a waiter.
  • Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” is celebrating its 25th Anniversary this year. For as fucked up as his personal life is, there is no denying that he is a musical genius. While at Applebee’s tonight, “Billie Jean” came on the restaurant audio system and people at every table, some barely teenagers, started singing along and dancing in their seats. That’s incredible.
  • I don’t know how far across the US this has spread yet, but in California, the kids are wearing Day-Glo, teased hair, lace gloves, and big shiny belts. I have now reached the age where my childhood styles are back in a big way.
  • Watching a pack of teenage girls wander past you dressed as though they stepped out of your middle-school yearbook causes me to experience what I can only imagine a bad acid trip to feel like.

This is directed to the woman in hair rollers who I observed at Applebee’s and later at the movie theatre:

  1. Rollers? Hi, it’s 2008.
  2. Where could you possibly be going after your dinner and movie that requires being dressier than dinner and a movie?
  3. Wal-Mart called. You left a kid and your bra there.

And finally…

  • I don’t understand couples who go out to dinner and sit on the same side of a booth. It’s just weird.
Jul 10

iPhone Gurus: What do I need?

Ok techies…

I plan to purchase my first iPhone tomorrow. I’ve never had one, but I use a Mac every day.

What things do I need to do to be ready to go tomorrow?

I would like to be able to sync my google calendar with my iPhone calendar. What program will I need to do that, or should I just plan to install the mobile gmail application to the iPhone and deal with it that way?

I’m sure it will automatically sync my contacts from my Mac Address book, but is there a better system?

Are there any super cool tricks that I should be aware of in terms of keeping my life organized between my laptop/work computer/gmail/twitter/ping.fm/plurk/myspace/facebook/last.fm/etc?

I know we don’t talk geek much around here anymore, but I’m totally geeking out today with all the twitterers in an uproar and excitement. I’ve been waiting for this for 2 years now.

Geek out with me?

Jul 09

Hot Chick Pics! (Jester Show Reminder)

You all keep emailing me saying, “Hey! That chick is HOT! Who is she!?”

And I keep saying, “Umm… didn’t you read my last fucking post!?”

And you all keep saying, “Umm… There were words on that post?”

::sigh::

At any rate, Tracy, my special guest on The Jester Show tonight (7pm Pacific/10pm Eastern), sent over some more pictures for your arousal perusal… I added them to my Flickr Account.

You can call into the show at: (724) 444-7444 and use the call id: 20116.

Oh yeah, there might be another show on before mine… some little thing that I think Miss Britt and Avitable have talked about. I don’t know anything about it though, since they didn’t link through to me or anything.