My crazy co-worker said something interesting to me yesterday.
CCW: I often wonder about this woman.
Jester: What woman is that?
CCW: This woman.
She turned her computer screen around to reveal her desktop background, a photo of her husband.
Jester: Your husband is the woman you wonder about?
CCW: No! This woman!
She pointed to a blonde lady who appeared to be giggling over a glass of wine in the background of the photo.
CCW: I wonder why she’s so tickled…
Jester: That’s probably her third glass of wine.
It suddenly struck me that I myself am in the background of a staggering number (millions?) of photographs. Just in my everyday life, I probably encounter at least one person taking photos in my general direction. On a day I go to San Francisco or near campus in Berkeley, that number probably increases ten-fold.
How many of these people get home and upload their pictures, or return from the one-hour photo place only to wonder “Who is that guy who has just spilled something on the front of his shirt?”
Consider the number of cameras that appear at any gig that I perform at with one of the three bands I currently sing with, or the dozens of bands I have performed with in the past. I’m in wedding photos, reception photos, retirement and birthday party photos. There are pictures of me performing at civic block parties, the lake, county fairs, motorcycle rallies, and nightclubs.
There is also the “Asian Tourist Factor.” I don’t know why, whether it’s the fact that I’m 6’2″ and over 250 pounds, the giant mane of (usually) blonde hair, the nose and ear rings, or my impeccable sense of style (as if!), or the combination of all the above, but if there is a group of Chinese or Japanese tourists around, I am suddenly as rare a sighting as a panda in the wild.
I am accosted and asked if I “take picture” with them, and I of course agree. Twenty tiny black-haired smiling people gather around me in a masterfully choreographed dance of poses while a friend fires off the camera flash at a rate that triggers seizures in the epileptic lady who is just trying to buy a box of jellybeans at the counter. They are always very gracious, and leave me standing there trying to remember why I had gone into the store in the first place.
And now I have to wonder how many of those pictures have been passed around in vacation albums, or shown as a slide show in homes all over the Far East. In how many of those photos am I mid-sneeze or mid-laugh when my face is all screwed up and my mouth is open wide enough that you can count my fillings? Did someone catch me picking my nose or adjusting a boxer wedgie? Was I bending over and showing my coin slot?
Am I some crazy famous celebrity in Hong Kong with my face on dozens of products like Lychee Cricket Snacks, Zap Boom Bang Laundry Soap, or even hopefully, on Biggun’s X-tra large condoms?
It’s entirely possible that there’s a big fat royalty check floating around out there just waiting on me to fly to Shanghai and collect it.
At this point, I think it’s about damn time you people start showing me some respect and honor, because by my estimates,I’ve been photographed more than Britney Spears.
That must make me fucking famous, right?
You’re far more intelligent than Britney Spears. To me, that’s an automatic bump up to the A list no matter how many times you’ve been photographed.
But now that you mention it… I’ve probably been caught in a crap load of pictures too. Hell, I just found one from probably my freshman year in high school on my friend’s myspace… I don’t even remember it being taken!
Motleys last blog post..HNT – Matt-Man
Good god you are hot. That is all.
TSMs last blog post..Random Appreciation
My sister and nieces have been experiencing that in Guam. Whenever they leave the naval base the Japanese tourists swarm around them wanting pictures. Must be because sister is tall and light blonde and usually in very high heels with two little red headed girls in tow. (in heels she’s an easy 6ft probably)
Chriss last blog post..This time Dave is getting injected with the gay!
I had no idea you were this secret hot rock star God.
This one time I was at the Louvre and I bent down to tie my shoe lace. Suddenly I heard this rumbling sound…like thunder. I turned my head and saw a pack of Asian tourists with khaki shorts, burgundy sweaters and matching beanies on their heads….RUNNING!!!
They were RUNNING through the Louvre from exhibit to exhibit.
They were RUNNING towards me and I damn near got mowed over.
AND…they all had cameras hanging from their necks.
Lisas last blog post..Be My Guest
who’s the chick singing in the background of your picture, Jester? *giggle*
Cissa Firehearts last blog post..HNT – First in a Looooong Time….
“Twenty tiny black-haired smiling people gather around me in a masterfully choreographed dance of poses while a friend fires off the camera flash at a rate that triggers seizures in the epileptic lady who is just trying to buy a box of jellybeans at the counter.”
I just totally almost peed reading that line. And imagined in my head this poor lady twitching and flopping with jelly beans flying all over. Dear God I have to pee now.
Oh, by the way, Hi! First time commenter.
Stephanies last blog post..Bloggity Blog Blog.
Not until you flash us your vagina.
Miss Britts last blog post..sick
i have a bad habit of jumping behind the subjects of the photo and smiling this huge grin. or grabbing the camera and forcing the photographer to get in the damn photo also.
you are a superstar.
hello haha narfs last blog post..They Don’t Fall Far From the Tree
not much of an aisian tourist industry around here, we get fish heads during salmon season and canadians who come and buy butter by the ton but that’s it.
my 2 months in china though were pretty odd. whenever we went into one of the cities i would get strangers taking pictures. as hard as it was sometimes i tried not to come off as a rude american and would plaster a smile on my face and resist the urge to tell them to fuck off and let me eat in peace. (it may have helped that the only things i can say in manderin are hello and thank you)
and of ~course~ they’re taking your picture!
heathers last blog post..maybe, maybe not.
Geez, now I wonder how many people have me in their backgrounds and tossed the picture.
Motley – I would hope that I am more intelligent than Britney Spears. You’ve set the bar pretty low…
TSM – LOL *blush*
Chris – Good lord, if we went out together, your sister and I could be the next Brangelina!
Lisa – They were on a tour that gave them 15 minutes to go through the whole museum. I think I’ve been on that tour.
Cissa – That’s Lisa. She shows up on the blog on occasion.
Stephanie – I love that you ignored your bladder long enough to comment for the first time! Don’t be a stranger…
Miss Britt – Is that a request?
hello – That’s not a bad habit… that’s just being friendly!
heather – You do NOT want to upset the mob of Asian tourists. Trust me on this one.
Da Duck – And how many have cut you out of the background and stare longingly at your photo before going to bed…? Just me?
OMG the asian tourists were taking all sorts of pictures of the bride at the wedding the other day. As if they had never seen a woman in a white dress before!!
ginamonsters last blog post..And this is what I choose to do
ACK! I feel so violated!
but in a good way;)
DaDucks last blog post..In Memoriam
God I HATE it when I have to remember that you are gay.
Again, it’s all a damned conspiracy I tell you.
The Absurdists last blog post..Scared Shitless
ginamonster – I think Chinese brides wear red, if I’m not mistaken.
DaDuck – I’m not sure what you mean!
Absurdist – I hate it when I have to remember I’m gay, too… it’s usually when my car breaks down.