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- Remember when I used to write little stories and funny anecdotes here? No? Me either, apparently.
- I need to learn to write a post before I go out and read everyone else’s blog or the news. Especially the news, because invariably I read about some shit that pisses me off and so I must write about it here, and well there goes the funny.
- I also end up reading some stupid comment on a favorite blog that makes me want to crawl through the computer and throttle somebody.
- America should not be thankful for all the “jobs that Wal-Mart creates” you ignorant fucktard. You know who should be thankful to Sam Walton and his cancerous growth of Mega Supersized blights on society? China. That’s who. You know why all those jobs are necessary? Because thanks to Wal-Mart there aren’t any decent manufacturing or engineering jobs left, as they’ve all been sent to, guess where? China.* Oh yeah, I’m sure your mom and dad are real happy about Wal-Mart coming in and making them close their cute store on Main Street. They didn’t really need the freedom and sense of accomplishment of owning their own business. I’m sure they are now quite happy to work for the store that put them out of business for 8 bucks an hour, no overtime, no benefits, and smells like a combination of floor wax, popcorn, old lady perfume and the bittersweet tears of the clinically depressed cashiers.
- I’m sure if I work on it hard enough I can implicate Wal-Mart in several high-profile criminal acts from history. Wal-Mart was behind 9/11, Watergate, Monica-Gate (you just KNOW that ugly polyblend blue dress was a Wal-Mart special), and I’m pretty sure Sam Walton was the 2nd shooter on the grassy knoll. Prove me wrong.
- Sorry, I know many of you love him, but Christian from Project Runway is annoying enough to make ME consider committing a hate crime.
- I thought the SNL skit was hysterical, though.
- I was already amused by and attracted toDave from Blogography before, but after Fab’s radio show on Sunday, I am now completely smitten. Or twitterpated, which ever makes me seem less creepy and more desirable as a stalker.
- Speaking of radio shows, I still need some people to sign up as special guests for The Jester Show! Next week Dan from DanNation will be on, and the following week the lovely Ginamonster will be joining me. Who’s next?**
- I know everyone wants me to get an earlier time slot on Wednesday nights for my BTR show. I can book an earlier “prime time” show now. I might do that now that American Idol is broadcasting just results shows on Wednesday night instead of all the girl performances. I’ll keep you posted.
- If you haven’t seen it yet, my top commenter and number one NorthEast Fruit Fly, Hellohahanarf has her very own blog now. You should totally check it out because she’s already got an amazing post up about how she came up with domain name. By the way, you should totally hire her designer, cause I hear he can do some amazing things with Wordpress templates.
- I’m still too mad to write my own letter to that crazy bitch in Oklahoma that I wrote about over the weekend. A couple of you have sent me copies of the emails you sent out. If anyone else has written her I’d appreciate a copy. I want to post them in one big Flaming Fuck You to Sally Kern. You can totally send it to me via the Contact Me Page.
- Speaking of contacting me (man I need a new segue), the turn out for my Listener Line has been dreadful. Dreadful I tell you! Since I implemented it, I’ve gotten a total of six phone calls, two of which were for a Mr. P. I. Staker. Do you people not realize the powerful tool I’ve created for you to give me feedback!? You can actually just dial my number and tell me what you think. You can do it while you’re in the car, while you’re at work… hell, you can even call me while you’re on the toilet for all I care! The point is, you are no longer tied to the internet! You can ask me questions or tell me how wonderful and assholish I have been lately. In case you’ve forgotten, the number is (415) 578-3249.
I think that about covers this early morning brain dump. Wait. Except for one last thing:
- If I haven’t mentioned it lately, I really can’t stand this whole changing the clocks bullshit. I’ve wandered around for days now not sure whether it’s time eat, sleep, or if my Portuguese
sex slaveexchange student is due for hisnext dosageclass. Let me clue you all into a big secret here… The farmer’s don’t give a happy rodent’s coin slot what the clock on the wall says every day. They get up and go to bed at the same time as everyone else. Stop fucking with my already fragile sleep schedule ok!?
* Not that I have anything against the Chinese people… the opposite actually. Bravo for them recognizing a cash cow when they see one. Though I wish they would stop trying to chat with me on Skype all day long.
** I’m looking at YOU Hellohahanarf who had better not go on someone else’s show first.
26 Comments
Wow, time for another rave (pun intended again) review from me. You done good. LOL
Crail’s last blog post…Obesity and smoking
I hate that I haven’t been able to listen to anyone’s shows lately. I suck.
Miss Britt’s last blog post…After The Rose Colored Glasses
I hate Walmart and at the same time is frightens me. It’s evil.
Robin’s last blog post…From Dirt To Riches
i would rather do without than shop at wal-mart. fuckers.
small aside, why do so many people call it wal-marts? “i have to go to wal-marts.” what, are you going to 4 of them in one day? wtf?
but back to me! your fabulous shout out is appreciated. i love my new blog (it is gorgeous and exactly what i wanted it to look like. well, better than i imagined, actually) i have you to blame for this addiction. thanks!
hellohahanarf’s last blog post…Dinner is Served
did i read that right? you want me to guest on your show? wahooooooooo! get that earlier time slot and i am all yours, bay-bee.
hellohahanarf’s last blog post…Dinner is Served
Hello’s blog is going to slowly take over the world, I predict. She’s that awesome.
Avitable’s last blog post…Read Rage
I’m in love with hellohahanarf after one day. She made it to my blogroll faster than a chicken on roller skates! Uh, anyway…
I always write before I read because I get pissed off too…hah.
Hilly’s last blog post…Snackie’s Confession Booth: March Madness!
In Georgia, families would to go Wal-Mart as an exciting trip after church on Sunday. Admittedly, I was very guilty of giving into the convenience and cheapness of the Wal-Mart when I was a broke college student.
You’re still stuck on the Walmart thing?
othurme’s last blog post…If My Ipod Went To Kinko’s
Fuck the time change!
It’s all the work of evil space goats!
Arghh–sugar I still need your email!! There’s a Netflix subscription that’s just dying to have your name on it as second prize winner in the trivia!
Turnbaby’s last blog post…A Simple Thank You
Crail - That’ll do pig. That’ll do. heh.
Miss Britt - No Shit. You gotta get back on the ball, babe.
Robin - Yeah, I know what you mean.
hello - I’ve not heard the “Wal-Marts.” I’ve heard it referred to as “Wally World.” And back home when you say it you have to draw out the first syllable, making it “Going to the waaaaaaaahhhhhl mart.” I’ll shout out your blog often. And yes, I want you to guest on my show. Jump on the poll and vote for a time slot.
Avitable - I think she’s got that ability, too.
Hilly - How did the chicken get the roller skates on? Oh right.. they can tie laces with their chicken fingers.
Sly - That’s part of what makes them so evil, they often leave themselves as the only alternative for the people in the communities they’ve already devastated. It’s a fantastic business plan… pillage a small community, kill the jobs, and force all the people who you’ve just made poor shop in your store.
othurme - I’ve been on the Wal-Mart thing for years. I left myself a note the other day about writing it again, and just got to it.
Lee - Damn those space goats.
Turnbaby - I tried to write you back, but your email keeps bouncing. Yahoo hates me, apparently. My email address is my username at my domain.com
Sorry Jester the time change is not the responsibility of the space goats. It has been a conspiracy of those water loving dolphins to fuck up humanity.
Man! You sound like some 80 year old woman bitching about the scary “horseless carriages and the MTVs”.
Daylight savings time was cooked up by the major corporations as a way to dock workers for pay when they show up for work an hour late, and also to trick them into an extra hour of work when they work the night shift.
Killer’s last blog post…It’s About Damn Time!
avit, you just say that because you love my boobs. i don’t know why jester says it.
i love yew too, hill! it was quick for me as well. (although if you say i had you at hello we are so done!)
jester, imma gonna vote for 7 pm your time, 10 pm my time. NO. wait. when is top chef going to be on? shitfuck, this timezone crap is as bad as the time change. perhaps i’ll vote for 8 pm? ya know, so long as it is earlier than 12:30 in the frikken morning on a work night, i’ll find a way to find you.
hellohahanarf’s last blog post…Dinner is Served
I’m all for a time slot that lets me call in AND go to practice.
ginamonster’s last blog post…The promised photos. But first…
I won’t sign up as a “special guest,” but I will sign up as a “VERY special guest” on The Jester Show. Though I must warn you that I am feeling a bit artistic lately, and may insist on doing my part of the show via interpretive dance or mime. If that doesn’t scare you, I’m back from traveling in April…
I.P. - I completely forgot about the dolphin conspiracy.
Killer - Thanks for outing my real identity, man. I’ve worked for years to create this persona. Fuck.
hello - I only speak the truth. Top Chef, Idol, too much TV is interfering with my radio show.
Gina - What time is practice? Vote in the poll.
Dave2 - That doesn’t scare me, it turns me on. If you’re going to be my VERY special guest, I guess that means I need to have a VERY special episode. So which will it be, a venereal disease, pregnancy, or alcohol abuse? All three?
in case you are wondering, you are more important than any television show. top chef included.
hellohahanarf’s last blog post…Must Try Margarita
hey, wtf? where are all the gravatar thingies?
hellohahanarf’s last blog post…Must Try Margarita
On Wednesdays, 9:30! So I voted for 7 or 7:30!
ginamonster’s last blog post…The promised photos. But first…
Always the contrarian, I’ll stick my head out enough to get shot by most of you.
I love Wal*Mart. Great prices, great inventory, great happy employees, and decent customer service for returns. I find the quality of a WM is dictated by the employees who work there.
Isn’t unemployment still at all-time lows? (I truly don’t know, but I thought it was 4% here in Texas, one of the few states with zero state income tax.
So maybe if we had all these extra jobs that supposedly went to china, we’d have negative unemployment? (Hahah joke there). But if we did have zero unemployment, maybe we wouldn’t need social programs? Is that right? So I’m surprised liberals want to stop the Wal-Marts because evidently they help create more
dependentsvoters.Isnt/wasnt Hillary on the board of Wal-Mart?
Ok my head is spinning.
–
On the ‘write a blog post before you go reading blogs’ thing, I started doing that a few weeks ago due to CommentLuv because I wanted my luv to be fresh (no pun intended.)
whall’s last blog post…Hello everybodeeeeeeeeee
hello - I appreciate that. The gravatar server was down the other day. It’s all good now. Speaking of… as soon as the new wordpress comes out, I’ll fix your gravatars.
ginamonster - lol. funny. Do you want to do an earlier show when you’re the special guest?
Whall - *sigh* Great inventory and great happy employees? What? Have you heard anything about all the class action suits on the behalf of employees who were forced to work overtime “off the books,” or denied health benefits, or fired for their sexual orientation? Have you seen the low wages a ‘blue smock’ makes?
You know how you can really make the unemployment rate look good? Give all the engineers and designers and factory/manufacturing workers minimum wage jobs at Wal-Mart, the same company that stole all the engineering/design/manufacturing jobs in the first place. Everything is hunky dory because everyone has a job, right? Right?
Hillary was indeed on the board of Wal-Mart from 1986-1992. A period of time, I might add, when Sam Walton was still alive and running the company with the idea of using primarily USA made products. She was also quite vocal about worker’s rights to a union and the need for better healthcare programs. This was before she was in the spotlight as First Lady or Senator. She also recently returned the $5000 check that WalMart gave her campaign.
Besides, at one point in the past I had Wal-Mart stock as part of my 403(b) portfolio. Everyone deserves to learn from their mistakes.
Jester,
Yes please. an earlier time slot will help keep me from missing practice. I don’t want my belly to grow back.
ginamonster’s last blog post…tough
ginamonster - You got it. It looks like 7PM is the overwhelming winner in the poll.