Feb 28

American Idol 7 Top Twenty Results Show

American Idol It’s time to get rid of four more idol would be’s.

In a perfect world all four of the contestants going home tonight would be girls. They were absolutely wretched this week. Awful. Terrible. Horrible. Tragic.

It was really bad is what I mean to say. It was as bad as any night on Idol ever is well, the gist of what I’m trying to say.

Ok, so it’s time for the dreaded group number. “Light in Your Eyes” by the guys wasn’t so bad. “It’s a Heartache” was awful, save for Carly. “The Things We Do For Love” was slightly better. “I Feel the Earth Move” is a good song for Brooke. Not so great for the rest.

We’re getting rid of a guy now. Michael Johns is safe. Chikeize is also safe this week, rightly so. He has redeemed himself. Jason Castro is safe this week, too. Jason Yeager is voted off the show this week.

He barely scraped by the first week. He had a chance to wow us this week, and he just failed to deliver. Simon told him that he didn’t stand out from the crowd. Nice looking guys with a decent voice just don’t quite cut it.

We’re getting rid of a girl now. Kristy Lee Cook is safe, as is Asia’h and Brooke White (yay!). And in a shocker, Alexandrea Lushington is sent home instead of Amanda Overmeyer. I’m genuinely stunned. I was certain Amanda would be out. I think Alexandrea may have been a victim of not enough screen time in the early show.

Time for another girl to go. Carly is safe. Ramiele is safe as is Syesha Mercado. It’s down to the indistinguishable blondes, Alaina and Kady. And Alaina, who Simon called the “Dark Horse” last night is out. This is absolutely the wrong choice. Kady seriously needed to go home. Alaina is a complete mess and doesn’t think she can sing at all. The rest of the ladies got up to help her out on her swan song, “Hopelessly Devoted to You.”

I always crack up when the departing contestant has to sing a song with ironic or prophetic lyrics. Alexandrea’s song last night was “If You Leave Me Now.” Alaina just had to sing, “Guess mine is not the first heartbroken. My eyes are not the first to cry…”

Heh.

I’m evil. I know.

And we’re back to get rid of another guy. The announcement is made that the Lennon/McCartney library has been released for a special show with the Top 12 on March 11th. And we just got sent to a refresher course on last year’s Idol Gives Back, in promotion of the repeat this year on April 9th.

Luke and Robbie are brought center stage, everyone else was safe. Robbie Carrico is sent home tonight.

I was dead right on the boys who got sent home this week. But I blew it on the girls. At least the girls that left were on my “Danger” list. I’m not completely dumb!

That’s it for this week!

Feb 28

American Idol 7 Top Ten Girls

American IdolThe Top Ten Girls are up tonight. Almost seems pointless after David Archuleta’s performance last night.

But I digress. I’ll keep an open mind. Especially for the girls that I really like.

Carly Smithson owns a tattoo shop with her husband and she works in an Irish bar. “Crazy on You” by Heart is her choice for the 70’s theme tonight. Heart is one of those bands that are almost impossible to cover, and Carly is doing an AMAZING job of it. Holy shit. That was just awesome. AWESOME. AWESOME. I’d stand up and applaud if it wouldn’t knock my hamburger into the floor. I think Randy is losing his ear. He didn’t really care for it. Simon doesn’t think she’s connected with the right song yet, but thinks she’s an incredible singer. He says she’s the girl they all have to beat.

Syesha Mercado has done a lot of television commercials back home in Miami. She’s switched up the genders on “Me and Mrs. Jones” by Billy Paul. Syesha is one of my favorites, she’s got a beautiful voice. This was a very solid performance from Syesha. Seriously, I think Randy has lost it tonight. Simon didn’t think she should have done the gender switch. Maybe the sound in the theater is just fucked up tonight I don’t know. I loved this.

Brooke White is also a cosmetologist. Well.. a beauty school dropout at least. She’s playing a guitar tonight and covering “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon. Perfect genre for her, a great choice as far as I’m concerned. I love everything about her. I love her look, her style, her singing, her personality. I want her CD right now. Simon thought it was funny how she was looking at him during the song. Paula thought it was a perfect choice for her. Simon “absolutely loved it” and said she didn’t make it sound old fashioned. I completely agree. And now that 3 of the 4 girls I really like have performed, I may lose complete interest in the rest of the show.

Ramiele Malubay is *shocking* a polynesian dancer. You can pick your jaws up from the floor now. She’s picked “Don’t Leave Me This Way” by Thelma Houston. It’s a great big song and she has a big voice. She should do a pretty good job with it. She’s sticking almost exactly to the written melody, and frankly isn’t doing anything new or exciting to a song that we’ve all heard a million times. She’d be a big winner in your regional karaoke contest, but this performance isn’t enough to win American Idol. Finally I think Randy and I are on the same page tonight. Simon thinks she is one of the top three vocalists this season, but this wasn’t her week. I don’t think she’s top three, but I agree this wasn’t her week.

Kristy Lee Cook is a tomboy. *yawn* She can’t walk in heels. So what? She’s picked “You’re No Good” by Linda Ronstadt. She’s having some pitch problems right off the bat. I don’t know if her nerves are getting the best of her, or if she just really can’t stay on a note. I’m bored. I’m staring at her tits. That must mean I’m REALLY bored. I think she just coughed up a lung during that song. What was that?!? She’s no good… she’s no good… she’s no good… baby she’s no gooooooooood. Randy liked it. Simon liked it. Blech.

Amanda Overmeyer picked “Carry on Wayward Son” by Kansas. I don’t know what is up with her tonight, but she’s terrible. It was all over the place. The pitch was shiteous. Awful. I don’t know what the hell was going on. She can do way better. Simon couldn’t wait for it to finish. I really hope she makes it through next week to redeem herself, cause I like her and I don’t want her to go. Based on that performance, she’s out of here.

Alaina Whitaker has food issues. She used to use a different fork for each food. Can you say crazy? “Hopelessly Devoted to You” by Olivia Newton-John is her choice tonight. I feel like I’m at the Miss America pagent semi-finals, complete with the dress and the screechy high notes that are totally off key. I’m hopeless revolted by you, Alaina. Sorry, but this blew chunks. Randy didn’t like the choice for her. Paula thought it was better than Randy did. Simon thought she was “pageanty.” He keeps stealing my words.

Alexandrea Lushington was the poster child for the Atlanta Fire Department. She picked Chicago’s “If You Leave Me Now” which is an odd choice for a diva in training. Though I can hear her interpretation as a current hit. That’s the beauty of a well crafted song. Celeste thinks she’s dressed like she drives a UPS truck. LOL. She’s done a nice job with the song I thought. It wasn’t spectacular. Randy called it a “safe choice.” Paula thought it was a good arrangement for her. Simon thinks she’s struggling to be current.

Kady Malloy is also an Opera Singer. Great, just more ways to annoy me. She’s picked a Heart song too, “Magic Man.” Tragic. We’re going to need a CSI in here to figure out the details of how she has murdered this song. Her pitch is awful. Her dress is covered in ridiculous buttons. Can we please end this now!? Thankfully it didn’t last long. Bye Bye Kady! Randy didn’t think she found the notes. She couldn’t find the notes with a flashlight and both hands. Simon is “frustrated.” Everything she does on film is fantastic, but live is awful.

Asia’h Epperson was a cheerleader in junior high and High School. MY junior high and high school for my freshman year. She is tackling “All By Myself” by Eric Carmen. Someone sings this song every year. I really think it should be retired. Not because it’s a bad song, but because you end up comparing seasons. She’s having some trouble with the verses being really low, and she hit a really strange note or hiccough in the middle. I don’t know what that was. It was only mediocre. The money shots were pretty good, but nothing spectacular. Simon said she “nearly did it.” But she’s not a good enough singer to pull it off.

Here’s the recap:

Safe:

Carly Smithson
Syesha Marcado
Brooke White
Ramiele Malubay

Danger:

Alaina Whitaker
Alexandrea Lushington
Kristy Lee Cook
Asia’h Epperson

Bye Bye:

Amanda Overmeyer *sniff*
Kady Malloy

Anyone else think this show was just shiteous (with the exception of the first three girls)?

Feb 28

The Jester Show 02-27-2008

The first show was a success!

I am really relieved that the first show went off with out too many glitches. There were only one or two awkward pauses in the conversation, and one or two technical mishaps.

We went way over our time allotted. Who knew we could all chat and talk and joke for two hours?

I’d especially like to thank Lee, Sly, TopNCal, and Branden for calling in and making my job really easy. Everyone who joined in via the streaming webcast and chat room were awesome too!

We covered a TON of topics on this first show. Lee, Sly, and TopNCal all told the story of the first time they met me and their first impressions. Then we got into, among other things:

  • gay sex and bottoming
  • Sly’s fantastic rack
  • Lee’s whoredom (love ya!)
  • clit-stimulating strap-on dildoes
  • Liz from Killerrants asked the important question, “Is George Clooney still hot?” via the Listener Line.
  • Concerned Christian and LATS
  • a lengthy discussion closed the show – actually continued after the end of the show and is available on the podcast for anyone who missed it, about Christianity and the need to not stereotype all Christians as Fundamentalists.

The links we discussed in this show include:

I’ve included an embedded version of the show below. You can also download the show from the blogtalkradio.com site. AND I’ve set up a podcast on iTunes that will let you subscribe and receive every show immediately after it is posted. I don’t have the link for that yet, but hopefully by tomorrow it will be in place. You can probably just search for the “Jestertunes” podcast and find it.

I’m looking for special guests for next week’s show, and I’m looking for great topics to have our call in panel to discuss. Feel free to comment here, or take Liz’s lead and leave a message or question on the Listener Line at (415) 578-3249.

Feb 27

One Hour to Show Time

My debut on Blog Talk Radio is about to begin. One hour until the 9:30PM start time.

Hope you plan to join me on the show! It’s going to be a lot of fun, and as a special surprise, Liz from KillerRants.com has called in to the listener line with a special question for me to ponder. Tune in to hear her dreamy southern accent!

Guest Call In Number: (347) 945-6045. You can call and talk on air live with me and my guests during the show.

Feb 27

Death To Space Goats!

Sly: [Commenting on a comment from a fundamentalist website] Astounding brilliancy: “Space is water. Water has mass. Therefore space has mass. It’s my understanding that mammals are animals, of which humans are not.”

Lee: Well of course! Now I get it! wait… what?!

    Words that need the following definitions for this to work

  • Space – water
  • Mass – existence
  • humans – space ghosts!

Sly: Spaces ghosts—HAHAHAHAHA.

Lee: Originally, I had written space goats…. but I thought, hell, if there are goats in space, I think I would consider them animals. But then we might have new classification for space traveling ruminants.

Sly: The real question is whether or not these space goats have the ability to swim, since space is filled with water. And if they do, did they EVOLVE from regular land-living ruminants?

Lee:

  1. of course space goats can swim! they would have died out from living in space if they couldn’t swim in space!
  2. Even if space goats did evolve from land goats, I would call them something else like birds and dinosaurs. Or maybe I would just call them non-terrestrial ruminants.

I think this conversation might be blog worthy

Sly: I would agree.

I might posit that similar to dinosaurs/bats, terrestrial goats are actually either

  1. Agents of Satan sent to distract us from the true manifestations of god’s plan for the water based universe
  2. Atheist/Scientist tricks implanted like dino bones to trick us into accepting evolution

Either way, they are evil and this is why it is pleasing to god to sacrifice them as often as you can.

Lee: DEATH TO SPACE GOATS!!!

Sly: OMG YOU BLASPHEMING ATHEIST!!! DEATH TO EARTH GOATS MORE LIKE. MAY YOU BE SMOTE DOWN BY RIGHTEOUS LIGHTENING.

I made this for you:

Evidence

Feb 27

American Idol 7: Top Ten Guys

American IdolThe top 10 boys are competing tonight.

Let’s get started.

Tonight is a 70’s theme.

Michael Johns is a tennis player. Nice. He’s picked “Go Your Own Way” from one of my favorite bands ever, Fleetwood Mac. This song is too high for him. He’s straining for the money notes, and having a bit of a pitch recovery problem coming out of the chorus back into the verse. Randy liked it, but said it wasn’t one of his best. Paula called him “charismatic.” Simon thought it was his weakest performance so far. I don’t think he’ll have much trouble sailing through to next week, based just on the smoldering good looks.

Jason Castro hates giving interviews. I actually thought he became adorable during that montage. He’s chosen “I Just Want to Be Your Everything” by Andy Gibb and he’s accompanying himself on guitar again this week. Yeah, so I think Jason may be my new crush on this show. I really like the style and interpretation he added to this song. I thought his vocals were just fine, thank you very much. Randy was not impressed. Simon thought it was “schmaltzy.”

Luke Menard is part of an acapella group that tours the world. He’s doing “Killer Queen” by Queen of course. So he’s got the hot looks and the female-knee buckling falsetto. But as much as I love Queen, and as much as I like to look at Luke, I don’t want to listen to any more of this. It’s actually hurting my head a bit. It is a hard song and he should score some points for that. But he couldn’t sell the song the way Freddie Mercury did. Simon said something very similar to that. I love it when Simon agrees with me.

Robbie Carrico isn’t wearing his bandanna tonight. His hair looks like hammered shit. He drag races car, and that’s supposed to be surprising to America… since he looks like a Southern Redneck, the fact that he’s in drag racing and Nascar is not a stretch. “Hotblooded” by Foreigner is his song choice. He’s lowered the key of this song by a LOT and it just sounds wrong wrong wrong. This song isn’t exciting or interesting. It’s barely watchable. His pitch is ok. But this really stunk. The song was WAY bigger than him. Simon thought the vocal was “ok” tonight.

Danny Noriega was a singer in a punk band in 9th grade. “Superstar” by The Carpenters is his song choice. One of the most beautiful songs ever written as far as I’m concerned. He’s actually doing a nice job with this song. He has a nice tone and delivery. He could definitely use some work on his performance. Randy thought he was trying too hard. Simon thinks he did an ok job, but admitted that he looks great on camera.

David Hernandez was a gymnast as a kid. He’s picked “Papa Was A Rolling Stone” by The Temptations. This is a strange song for me… I don’t really think it lends itself to showing off his vocal skills. He did some good stuff with the ending, but the song is all about atmosphere and mood, less about vocal ability. Randy loved it. Paula was on her feet. She called it “perfect.” Simon called it the best vocal of the night so far.

Jason Yeager plays multiple instruments: piano, guitar, and drums. He’s picked one of my staples “Long Train Running” by The Doobie Brothers. He certainly looks like he’s having a better time this week. Last week’s “Moon River” was dreary and cheesy. He’s no less cheesy this week, but at least he’s got some energy and personality in his performance tonight. Nothing spectacular. Randy didn’t get it. Paula thought it was fun to see this side of him, but this song doesn’t have many notes in it and isn’t a “singer’s song.” That would be what I said about the last song that David H did. Simon hated it. Simon hates him and wants the Oscar music to cut his speech off.

Chikezie lets us know that his weird name is Nigerian. He’s picked a Donnie Hathaway song, “I Believe.” I have to admit that I don’t hate him nearly as much this week as I have the rest of the season. This performance actually seems to suit him really well. The vocals were really good. He looks like shit in that polo shirt. Simon said it was a “million times better than last week.”

David Cook is a “word nerd.” He likes crosswords and searches. He’s picked “All Right Now” by Free. He’s playing guitar, and he’s a lefty. I think this guy is the most authentic “rock” performer. He’s got the attitude and voice to pull off a giant guitar anthem like this. I am not a huge fan of the song, but it definitely has its place and David does the best job at rocking out. Paula loved it. Simon called it “solid,” but said David doesn’t have a lot of charisma.

David Archuleta is our final performer tonight. The crowd sure does love him. He got to meet the first season contestants when he was 11. I saw this youtube video last week. It is pretty crazy. He’s picked John Lennon’s “Imagine.” I need a moment, as I have tears in my eyes and can’t see to type. This is an astounding performance. Not a note out of place, emotional, tender, and just beautiful. Holy hell’s bells. That was brilliant. I think we can probably crown the winner of this season right now, and his name is David Archuleta. Paula is also in tears. Simon called him “the one to beat.”

Othurme just messaged me and said, “It’s over for the boys. David Archuleta wins.”

Safe:
Michael Johns
Jason Castro
David Hernandez
Chikezie
David Cook
David Archuleta

Danger:
Luke Menard
Danny Noriega

Bye Bye:
Robbie Carrico
Jason Yeager

Feb 26

Introducing The Listener Line!

In honor of the new Jester Radio Show that is debuting tomorrow night at 9:30PM PST (you are going to listen, right?), I decided to set up a Jestertunes Listener Line so my dear faithful friends and readers can call me directly and speak live if I happen to be available, or leave me a voicemail for use on future radio shows, comment on my latest post, or just send greetings. You could also leave a question for Ask Jester.

So give me a call, leave me a message just saying hello, or whatever you like!

Jestertunes Listener Line: (415) 578-3249

Call anytime 24 hours a day!

Please note: this phone number is NOT the number you need to use to call in to the Live Radio Show tomorrow night. That number is the Guest Call In Number: (347) 945-6045. You can call and talk on air live with me and my guests during the show.

Feb 26

The Hillary Conspiracy or 98% of My Family are Republicans

One of my many aunts sent this email to me (and many other people in her address book, mostly family members). This aunt has not communicated with me in years, not since she discovered that I was gay. She obviously has my email address, and knows that her little sister lives with me, but has never made any attempts to talk to me.

Most of the time when I get one of those “inspirational” or “Jesus Loves You” emails in my inbox I ignore it. Usually (especially when it comes from a family member) I don’t even respond when it’s one of those emails clearly designed to rile you up against some Democratic conspiracy.

When I got this email though, I had to respond because it just didn’t make any sense.

I’m sure this one will warm your little taxpayer heart.

If Hillary wins in 2008 and Bill is ‘appointed’ to fill her Senate seat and either live to retire ‘they’ (together or alone) would get two US Presidential retirement checks, two US Senate retirement checks, and a retirement check from the State of Arkansas. About the only thing they MIGHT NOT get is a Social Security check….but I wouldn’t bet on it….

I understand Bill has earned $40,000,000 in the past six years.

What a guy!

AND THE REST OF THE STORY… Hilarious Rotten Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under the ‘Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan,’ which means that even if she never gets reelected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies. (Would it not be nice if all Americans were pension eligible after only 4 years?)

If Bill outlives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary outlives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that?

It’s common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense!

They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life.

Still makes sense.

Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10,000 per month. BUT, an extra residence ‘had’ to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents.

The Clintons charge the Federal government $10,000 monthly rent for the use of that extra residence, which is about equal to their mortgage payment. This means that we, the taxpayers, are paying the Clinton’s salary, mortgage, transportation, safety and security, as well as the salaries for their 12 man staff — and, this is all perfectly legal!

As she runs for President, will YOU vote for her?

How many people can YOU send this to?

Here was my response:

——

“There’s nothing in this email about the Clinton’s that is any different than any other ex-President or current Senator.

If you believe that it’s wrong for Hillary to get paid the same as any other Senator, or to receive the same benefits as any other President would if elected, you’re basically saying that she shouldn’t get those benefits because of her marriage.

She’s doing the job of a Senator and she should be paid for it.

If elected to the Presidency, she should be paid for that also. Just as Bush was. And Reagan, and Ford and any other Republican president was.

If both a husband and a wife work outside the home, whether for the same company or not, shouldn’t they both draw a paycheck?

What difference does Bill Clinton’s income over the past six years make? He makes his money from speaking engagements and book deals, just like nearly every other president before him in the last 40 years. The fact that he makes 40,000,000 (which I highly suspect is an inflated number) should have no bearing on what his wife should or will earn from doing her job.

If your issue is with the level of benefits current Senators and ex-Presidents receive, you should contact your local representatives and take it up with them.

But if you are simply trying to dissuade people from voting for Hillary Clinton, you would be better served by offering arguments against her policies and voting history, rather than ringing an alarm about a non-issue.”

——-

I have not received a response. I don’t suppose I will.

Feb 25

The Jester Show

Guess what… I had so much fun on Fab’s Radio Show on Sunday that I’ve decide to host my own show. By the way, you can still download the show and hear Fab and I tackle issues such as the wonder that is Tiffany, DNA samples on your dinner plate, Total Eclipse, and my plan to infect Fab with a raging case of The Gay.

I’m also pretty impatient, so The Jester Show is debuting Wednesday night at 9:30PM PST. I realize this is pretty late for the east coasters out there, but I couldn’t get an earlier time slot yet. I’ll work on that.

What should you expect from The Jester Show? Well, I hope to convince my good friends TopNCal, Othurme, and Lee to spend some time cracking wise on the show. And hopefully those of you who are able to stay awake will call in and say hello. I may even do something evil and just randomly call people to say hi. Live. On Air.

I may or may not develop a topic of discussion before the show, or it could just be a free-for-all.

Actually, I am fairly certain with my friends that any topic would turn into a free-for-all.

Here are the show details:

2/27/2008
9:30 PM PST
Guest Call In Number: (347) 945-6045

Listen to Jestertunes on internet talk radio