Jan 31

Too Bad Christmas is Over…

I have found the perfect gift for any occasion.

Did you know that not only is Jesus a fantastic Running Back:

Football Jesus

He’s also a brilliant Center:

Hockey Jesus

An avid golfer:

Golf Jesus

He’s also a white belt:

Karate Jesus

And a master of the totally heterosexual sport of gymnastics:

Gymnast Jesus

Oh. And he’s a ballerina:

Ballerina Jesus

From the Catholic Shopper website:

These statues portray Jesus actively participating with boys and girls in a variety of sports. A wonderful way to reinforce Jesus “as friend” in everyday activities. Sizes vary from 4 3/4 to 6 1/2 inches.

Apparently Jesus isn’t too hip with hanging with the homeboys at the b-ball court or with the Chess Club:

Many customers have requested these Jesus Sport Statues depicting children other than Caucasian and playing other sports; we have expressed these requests to manufacturers and importers. When and if other statues are available, CatholicShopper.com will carry them.

Jan 30

What’s Yiddish for Tired?

I’ve had about 8 hours of sleep in the last 56 hours. Today really kicked my ass with all the various extra duties I took on at this conference I’m attending.

What was supposed to be a one night gig for Total Eclipse turned into a four-day musical extravaganza. I have moved my sound system 9 times since Sunday afternoon.

I set up 8 conference rooms with projectors and screens for presentations.

I assisted technologically challenged people with such devastatingly difficult tasks as: connecting a computer to a projector, taping down power cables, and of course the confounding procedure required to turn off an iPod.

Did I mention this conference was for New Technology Executives in Silicon Valley?

Total Eclipse played for a huge room. There were a few people in the room, but they mostly stood and stared at us. We interacted as best we could. We rocked it like a hurricane, but the event was just so not designed to be a party… It was very much like inviting a balloon animal expert clown to a bris.

It just didn’t really go together.

Speaking of Total Eclipse, The Absurdist got directed to our music today and she had some very nice things to say about us.

Go check it out.

Jan 29

Sleep and some Tips.

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to go to sleep when you really really need to go to sleep because you have a really long day ahead of you?

I have to get up in exactly 5.5 hours. What am I doing? I’m writing this nonsense on my blog because I didn’t have the time today to really come up with anything worth talking about other than:

  • If you’re going to do a powerpoint presentation for a group of people, please don’t read the whole thing word for word to me. I’ve been reading since I was 3. I can read faster than you can talk, and I didn’t need to sit through “Storytime.”
  • If you’re going to host a conference, make sure people show up. This may mean you need to charge a registration fee so they will be less likely to skip out on you.
  • If you’re running a conference, it’s probably a good idea to hire all the people you need to do all the jobs that will come up, instead of relying on the guy who’s providing bands to run your audio and visual equipment (wait, you didn’t bring any a/v equipment?!?) every day of the event.
  • If you failed your public speaking courses, you should probably not give the presentation at a technology executive conference.
  • If you don’t have a firm grasp on the English language, you should probably not give the presentation either.

Though if you follow along on Twitter tomorrow, you can keep up with my snarky comments on each of these dry dry dry presentations.

Jan 28

Caption Me

Aaah… Another edition of Caption Me!

Here you go, warning… it’s kinda scary…

Plastic

Here’s my entry: “Guess which parts are biodegradable…”

Jan 27

Proof of Jesus’ existence…

This young man claims to have definitive photographic proof that Jesus was not only real, but quite the party animal.

Jan 26

FINALLY!

There’s a rumor going around that today is Avitable’s birthday. I really wish he had said something, so we could have all gotten him presents or something.

Oh well. Maybe next year.

It’s also Amy’s birthday. Perhaps you could all stop by and poke fun at them for becoming a year older. Or congratulate them for surviving this past year. Whatever.

I found this special cake in celebration. I don’t know what Amy will think, but I know Avitable will enjoy blowing this one. The candles I mean.

Penis Cake

Jan 24

Dead Too Soon

I don’t know why I decided to take the time to do this, other than thinking about how all but two people on this list were considerably younger than myself when they died. (John Belushi and Chris Farley were 33; I will be 33 next month.)

Wonder who else is going to end up on this list by the end of the year? Amy Winehouse? Lindsey Lohan? Britney Spears? Pete Doherty? Some other celebrity who will take us all by surprise a la Heath Ledger?

What is sadder still, is that most of these people died by their own hand, via suicide/drugs.

Who have I left out of this list of musicians or actors who died before the age of 33?

Aaliyah Big Bopper Biggie Smalls
Brad Renfro Brandon Lee Brian Jones
Buddy Holly Chris Farley Duane Allman
Eddie Cochran Frankie Lymon Freddie Prinze
Glenn Quinn Gram Parsons Hank Williams
Heath Ledger James Dean Janis Joplin
Jeff Buckley Jimi Hendrix Jim Morrison
John Belushi Jonathan Brandis Jon-Erix Hexum
Kurt Cobain Lisa Lopes Otis Redding
Randy Rhoads Rebecca Shaeffer Ritchie Valens
River Phoenix Ronnie Van Zant Selena
Shannon Hoon Sid Vicious Tupac Shakur
Carole Lombard Jim Croce Karen Carpenter
Cass Elliott Brad Nowell John Bonham

Here’s the list of people included on this page from left to right:

Aaliyah (musician) – plane crash
The Big Bopper (JP Richardson) (musician) – plane crash
Biggie Smalls (Christopher Wallace) (rap artist) – murdered
Brad Renfro (actor) – suicide by overdose
Brandon Lee (actor) – accidental shooting on the set of The Crow
Brian Jones (musician) – drowned either by own hand or murdered depending on what version of the story you believe.
Buddy Holly (musician) – plane crash
Chris Farley (actor) – suicide by overdose
Duane Allman (musician) – motorcycle accident
Eddie Cochran (musician) – car accident
Frankie Lymon (musician) – suicide by overdose
Freddie Prinze (actor) – suicide by gunshot
Glenn Quinn (actor) – suicide by overdose
Gram Parsons (musician) – suicide by overdose
Hank Williams Sr. (musician) – suicide by alcohol poisoning/overdose
Heath Ledger (actor) – currently undetermined, probable suicide by overdose
James Dean (actor) – car accident
Janis Joplin (musician) – suicide by overdose
Jeff Buckley (musician) – accidental drowning
Jimi Hendrix (musician) – suicide by overdose
Jim Morrison (musician) – suicide by overdose
John Belushi (musician) – murder? suicide by overdose
Jonathan Brandis (musician) – suicide by hanging
Jon-Erik Hexum (actor) – accidental suicide by gunshot on the set of the TV show “Cover Up”
Kurt Cobain (musician) – suicide by gunshot
Lisa (Left-Eye) Lopes (musician) – car accident
Otis Redding (musician) – plane crash
Randy Rhoads (musician) – plane crash
Rebecca Shaeffer (actress) – murdered
Ritchie Valens (musician) – plane crash
River Phoenix (actor) – suicide by overdose
Ronnie Van Sant (musician) – plane crash
Selena (musician) – murdered
Shannon Hoon (lead singer for Blind Melon) – suicide by overdose
Sid Vicious (musician) – suicide by overdose
Tupac Shakur (rap artist) – murdered
Carole Lombard (actress) – plane crash
Jim Croce (musician) – plane crash
Karen Carpenter (musician) – suicide by anorexia nervosa
Cass Elliott (musician) – heart attack *not* choking on a ham sandwich
Brad Nowell (lead singer for Sublime) – suicide by overdose
John Bonham (drummer for Led Zeppelin) – suicide by overdose

Jan 24

This just in…

The Data So Far…

Thanks for sending that to me, Lee.

You may have noticed that there is a new Twitter box on the sidebar. I’m shocked there’s so many people doing this Twitter thing. It’s kinda fun… follow along. 🙂

Also you may see the comments page is a bit different. You can now edit your own comments up to 15 minutes after you leave them. Not that I think any of you need to do that, cause none of you guys make spelling errors or forget something, right? 😀 You can also find a new link that will show you all the past comments by any user leaving comments here. I saw that feature over at Avitable’s blog and liked it, so there it is.

Yes, this post is meant to misdirect you from the fact that I really didn’t have anything I wanted to write about today.

Jan 23

UC Berkeley Band

If you were as big of a video game nerd as I was, you’ll greatly appreciate this.

I was in marching band in Junior High. We never got this complicated.