in Humor

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I have found the perfect gift for any occasion.

Did you know that not only is Jesus a fantastic Running Back:

He’s also a brilliant Center:

An avid golfer:

He’s also a white belt:

And a master of the totally heterosexual sport of gymnastics:

Oh. And he’s a ballerina:

From the Catholic Shopper website:

These statues portray Jesus actively participating with boys and girls in a variety of sports. A wonderful way to reinforce Jesus “as friend” in everyday activities. Sizes vary from 4 3/4 to 6 1/2 inches.

Apparently Jesus isn’t too hip with hanging with the homeboys at the b-ball court or with the Chess Club:

Many customers have requested these Jesus Sport Statues depicting children other than Caucasian and playing other sports; we have expressed these requests to manufacturers and importers. When and if other statues are available, CatholicShopper.com will carry them.

in Band

12 Comments »

I’ve had about 8 hours of sleep in the last 56 hours. Today really kicked my ass with all the various extra duties I took on at this conference I’m attending.

What was supposed to be a one night gig for Total Eclipse turned into a four-day musical extravaganza. I have moved my sound system 9 times since Sunday afternoon.

I set up 8 conference rooms with projectors and screens for presentations.

I assisted technologically challenged people with such devastatingly difficult tasks as: connecting a computer to a projector, taping down power cables, and of course the confounding procedure required to turn off an iPod.

Did I mention this conference was for New Technology Executives in Silicon Valley?

Total Eclipse played for a huge room. There were a few people in the room, but they mostly stood and stared at us. We interacted as best we could. We rocked it like a hurricane, but the event was just so not designed to be a party… It was very much like inviting a balloon animal expert clown to a bris.

It just didn’t really go together.

Speaking of Total Eclipse, The Absurdist got directed to our music today and she had some very nice things to say about us.

Go check it out.

in Rant

15 Comments »

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to go to sleep when you really really need to go to sleep because you have a really long day ahead of you?

I have to get up in exactly 5.5 hours. What am I doing? I’m writing this nonsense on my blog because I didn’t have the time today to really come up with anything worth talking about other than:

• If you’re going to do a powerpoint presentation for a group of people, please don’t read the whole thing word for word to me. I’ve been reading since I was 3. I can read faster than you can talk, and I didn’t need to sit through “Storytime.”
• If you’re going to host a conference, make sure people show up. This may mean you need to charge a registration fee so they will be less likely to skip out on you.
• If you’re running a conference, it’s probably a good idea to hire all the people you need to do all the jobs that will come up, instead of relying on the guy who’s providing bands to run your audio and visual equipment (wait, you didn’t bring any a/v equipment?!?) every day of the event.
• If you failed your public speaking courses, you should probably not give the presentation at a technology executive conference.
• If you don’t have a firm grasp on the English language, you should probably not give the presentation either.

Though if you follow along on Twitter tomorrow, you can keep up with my snarky comments on each of these dry dry dry presentations.

in Caption Me

32 Comments »

Aaah… Another edition of Caption Me!

Here you go, warning… it’s kinda scary…

Here’s my entry: “Guess which parts are biodegradable…”

in Humor

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This young man claims to have definitive photographic proof that Jesus was not only real, but quite the party animal.

in Thoughts

17 Comments »

There’s a rumor going around that today is Avitable’s birthday. I really wish he had said something, so we could have all gotten him presents or something.

Oh well. Maybe next year.

It’s also Amy’s birthday. Perhaps you could all stop by and poke fun at them for becoming a year older. Or congratulate them for surviving this past year. Whatever.

I found this special cake in celebration. I don’t know what Amy will think, but I know Avitable will enjoy blowing this one. The candles I mean.