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A Lovely Dinner Party

Something Extremely Witty

December 20th, 2007 by jester

Lee is a much better gay man than I.* He can throw a successful dinner party.

I can not.

He can invite two couples who have never met to dinner at his house and have everything go smoothly.

I can not.

He can set out a lovely table setting complete with candles, matching china, coordinating goblets, and linen napkins.

I can not.

He can persuade his lovely roommate Sly to help clean the apartment from top to bottom until it sparkles.

I can not.

He can prepare a tasty gourmet salad, coq au vin, and home-made apple pie.

I can, but since I can’t do the rest, why bother?

So after a delicious meal, and what I can only assume to be many, many, bottles of wine, some drunken dancing and what I can only describe as an enthusiastic costume show/striptease by Sly, the conversation turned inevitably to this blog and the people who interact here.**

At which point we each took turns doing our best pose as the talented and beautiful Miss Britt.

Avitable should just be glad we didn’t have a bald cap.***

*Don’t even go there, Lee. I’ll cut you.

**And apparently incredibly long run-on sentences.

***I know you’re not bald. I just couldn’t figure out a better line. Somedays I just don’t have it!

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32 Responses

Avitable writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 5:20 am

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
For a minute there, I thought I was seeing Britt clones! Although, none of you look quite drunk enough.

You could have said you didn’t have a gorilla mask. That would have worked.

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Miss Britt writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 5:23 am

Oh my God. I am speechless.

I have finally achieved a life long dream of mine:

I have cracked the Gay Man Market.

Yesssssssssssssss!!

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hellohahanarf writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 5:34 am

oh my fuck, was that funny! although i am curious as to who had the wig readily available…was it sly? if so, why all the costumes. tell me more…

are you sure lee is gay? coz in that photo, he totally wants me. i can see it in his eyes. or maybe it is the gallons of wine i see. damn. don’t burst my bubble, k?

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Radio Matthew writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 5:36 am

I’m scared…sooooo very scared…

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Crail writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 7:09 am

Wow!! Are these pictures not already shown on the walls of the Post Offices – “Wanted – For WIGging out – armed and dangerous while under the influence – approach with caution – you may be sucked in – or finish up the loser in the end”

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Hilly writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 8:30 am

I was sent here by Britt, but then I looked around and think I will stay for awhile and add you to my reader.

This is too funny and love your other stuff!

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Lee writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 9:31 am

YESSSS! we made it into the blog! I’m so happy now! I’ve been thinking about the dinner party all week! It turned out so fabulous. The beginning was so civilized and classy and after about two hours of that woo woo! Though you failed to mention the ‘Bodyguard’ rendition of ‘I will love you’ that C and M did and the short dance I performed as Hillary Duff to the Lizzie McGuire theme song. (Dinner parties and champagne! this is what dreams are made of!)

Avitable – Oh! we’re plenty drunk enough! Trust me, we went through at least 3 bottles of champagne and 4 bottles of wine (and UMB wasn’t even drinking wine so I took his share. I don’t think rubinium was drinking wine either. He was hitting the rum I believe)

Miss Britt – you have legions at your disposal…use them wisely

hello – Oddly enough, the wig is mine. It isn’t the only one either. I actually have never done drag, unless you count nights like this. I’m actually VERY butch, you know…

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Sly writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 9:54 am

Sweet! Dinner party recap…I needed this to fill in the blanks!

Yeah, and he also persuaded me to do every single one of the like 40,000 dishes we managed to accumulate that night.

Jester, you should feel very flattered (or maybe frightened)…I’ve certainly never given Lee any kind of lap dance. I just find you so much hotter than him. Especially with the wig on.

We must do it again soon! With more costumes and more dancing!

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Lee writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 10:19 am

I must direct everyone to look at sly’s eyes behind the sunglasses…. barely open folks… this is how she rolls!

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Sly writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 10:30 am

Bitch, please! Let’s just count our lucky stars that he didn’t post the pictures of the two of us in the comfy chair! Then all the lovely readers of this blog would know how you roll!

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jester writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 10:54 am

Avitable – We must be pretty good at hiding the drunk on camera. Damn, I totally should have used the gorilla mask. Le Sigh.

Miss Britt – You had me at hello. You keep me by posting pictures of that hot husband of yours…

hello – Sweetie, one merely has to come within the confines of the state that Lee is in before the gaydar zeroes in on him. Lee is prepared with costumes of all shapes and sizes. He wasn’t quite drunk enough to put on his superman underwear, though. Pity. Those pictures would be pure comic gold.

Radio Matthew – You should be. We’re coming to YOUR house next.

Crail – If you finish, you’re not a loser, you’re LUCKY.

Hilly – Welcome! I’m always glad to entertain new guests. And any friend of Britt’s…

Lee – I decided since I don’t really know Chris and Mandy well enough that I shouldn’t probably tell stories about them on my blog. Besides, all they did was take those pukey-cute photos together on the couch. I almost choked on my coffee when I read “I’m really very butch you know…”

Sly – Oh believe me I was flattered… if I hadn’t been drunk and dead from the waist down you might have known that. Oh… and for your information, the photos of you two on the comfy chair ARE posted in the photo album.

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hellohahanarf writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 11:16 am

ok, i just looked at the photos again. umb, who normally is so hot my monitor melts, is kinda ax murderer scary in that photo. as usual, jester you make my heart skip a beat. even in that britt wig!

off to look at comfy chair pictures…

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Lee writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 11:20 am

oh jeez! You know, the picture were my triceps look awesome is the picture i look the most drunk in! damn it!

I’m SO glad I didn’t put the superman undies on. I was VERY close to getting into them though. I have so little dignity left anyway, I can’t spare any to put those on.

Am I really THAT gay? I suppose the fact that I own wigs and superman underwear answer that question…well crap! Thank god I’m gorgeous or I might feel really bad…

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Lee writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 11:26 am

hellohahanarf- You should have seen umb in the french maid outfit he had for Halloween one year. It was smokin!

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jester writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 11:33 am

hello – UMB in the red wig is even better.

Lee – I’ll get photos of you in the Superman underwear eventually. I’m patient. Are you really THAT gay? Lee, on Friday night you wrapped yourself around my waist horizontally and declared yourself to be my “faggy pack.” It’s why we all love you. Well that and the gigantic… nevermind….

I think I can find that photo of UMB as a french around here somewhere.

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Miss Britt writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 11:39 am

I just noticed that someone happened to have a riding crop on hand…

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jester writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 11:46 am

Miss Britt – I’m pretty sure that actually belongs to Sly. She *seems* so sweet and innocent on first meeting. Soon, she’s got you licking her boots and using you for an ashtray. Good times.

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Sly writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 12:00 pm

Yeah, it was a birthday gift from Mandy. You thought I was sweet the first time you met me? Aww, I was probably too hung over to be my normal self.

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jester writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 12:10 pm

Sly – Perhaps you were on pain medicine. Or maybe Lee told you to be on your best behavior and since you hadn’t been around very long you complied. Either way, it’s creepy now that I think about it. ;D

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Sly writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 1:01 pm

Why the hell would Lee tell me to be on my best behavior? Does he even know what that is? It was definitely booze or pills, not Lee’s concept of social graces, or lack thereof.

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jester writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 1:04 pm

Sly – Well you know how those who can’t DO teach?

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Sly writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 1:25 pm

I’m just kidding. Lee obviously has wondrous social graces since he hosted such a bitchin’ dinner party. Anything that combines fine wine and bad drag is the product of a master.

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jester writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 1:28 pm

Sly – He’s a skillful master of some things, that’s for sure. Fine wine and bad drag just described my 20′s.

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Lee writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 1:30 pm

When are you going start posting pics of me getting out of the car with no underwear on or start drawing white coke trails on everyone? You’re never going to reach your funny internet gay guy potential without the white trails!

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jester writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 1:41 pm

Lee – You’re absolutely right. So here you go.

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Sly writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 2:21 pm

Holy shit! That is without doubt the best thing I have seen in a long time. J, I am now your shameless devotee for putting that picture up. You just let me know if there is any way I can enrich your life in gratitude for this oh-so-amusing gift.

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jester writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 2:33 pm

Sly – I’m going to reserve my right to hang on to that card for a while. I’d hate to waste my wishes on cheesecake when there’s cash and prizes to be had.

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Lee writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 3:51 pm

I HATE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH! flames! flames, on the side of my face! Breathless! Heaving breaths…Heaving breaths!

Holy crap! how long ago was that picture taken? I don’t even remember that!!!

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jester writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 3:58 pm

Lee – You told me to, you told me to, you told me to… Heaving breasts you say? That photograph was taken in our San Diego hotel room where you were almost molested by Dayne and Gabe.

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Branden writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 5:25 pm

CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!!!!

Penis.

That is all.

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ginamonster writes:
December 20th, 2007 at 5:52 pm

I’m with Hello. Once again, UMB looks frightening, even though we know he’s really quite hot.

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jester writes:
December 21st, 2007 at 12:28 am

Branden – Sigh. Useless without photos.

ginamonster – Guess it’s a good thing he doesn’t run about town wearing a wig!

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