I just went down to the vending machines in the basement of my building in search of something cold and wet to quench the thirst that is generated when one sits and nibbles on fat-free pretzels all day in lieu of lunch.
I had seven dollars in my pocket, consisting of a five and two dollar bills.
I opted for an energy drink. (Yes, I know.) So I put my two dollars in the giant machine with the elaborate conveyor belt system designed to deliver your perfectly chilled, 38 degree soft drink with a minimum of jostling and shaking.
I pressed D2 and waited.
Nothing.
I pressed D2 again.
Again, nothing.
I pressed D2 a third time watching the display, which showed that I needed to enter money if I wished to enjoy this quality beverage.
I pressed the “Coin Return” button.
Nothing.
The machine had just eaten my two dollars.
I sighed and extracted the five dollar bill out of my pocket and walked across the room to the change machine.
I inserted the bill and waited, half expecting the change machine to eat the bill, leaving me standing there parched and penniless.
It burped. It gurgled.
Suddenly, it vomited out a seemingly nonstop stream of silver coins.
All nickels.
All I needed was a flashing light, a cloud of cigarette smoke and a vodka tonic to make it a heart-thumping moment at a casino.
Instead, I had to walk up four flights of stairs trying not to drop my newly obtained beverage or the 65 remaining nickels.
I hate coins. I probably would have just left the big pile of nickels on the floor and walked away to die of thirst.
So you made .25 off of the whole deal?
OMG, that never happens!! You should go buy a lottery ticket, immediately.
Killer – Usually when I have a big pile of coins like that, I like to leave them in unusual places like little surprises for the next person who comes along. It’s fun to later hear stories about how the guy was unrolling toilet paper and nickels kept coming out…. This month however, I’m very poor so every nickel counts.
Avitable – I think you’re forgetting the $2.00 I lost in the machine originally.
Miss Britt – The lottery is for suckers. I’m gonna play blackjack.
I’ve used this machine that you speak of and it has eaten plenty of money from me as well. Also, this conveyor belt system you speak of I find both entertaining and frightening. This machine is more sophisticated than most of the equipment we have here on the hill.
Lee – If they could get that vending machine to accelerate particles they could finally do away with the 88″ Cyclotron.
You clearly haven’t been choosing the right soft drink! If you select the top left most drink, by the time it gets to the other side, it’s moving near the speed of light! Unfortunately, that usually makes the drink go flat…. damn you physics!
Lee – I’ll have to give that a try. Too bad it doesn’t speed it up enough to perform some alchemy on it… you know choose a Sunkist Orange and get a bar of gold…
That’s very unlikely. it’s far more probably that you’ll end up with a radioactive hunk of lead which will probably make you sterile… which I guess is fine. those boys weren’t doing anything anyway except dying a grim death on the face of UMB
Lee – Which beats all the little soldiers dying soundlessly on a wadded up towel on your bedroom floor…
All this talk is making me hungry! Are you at work? Lunch? or are you going down to get your relativistic soft drink and stock up on nickels?
by the way, it’s not always soundlessly… wait… that’s weird… where is the sound coming from?
Lee – You’ll have to get food on your own today. I got highly annoyed at traffic this morning. Luckily I can work from home… and accomplish more. What is the sound of millions of little soldiers dying on a wadded up towel? I imagine it to sound a lot like crickets.
Ah whilst the snack machine gods are angry, the change machine gods smile on you. You know you have to pay it forward now, right?
Kate1976 – I think the change machine god was REALLY angry and wanted to make me suffer with carrying 10 pounds of nickels around. The hate stops with me.