Chinese Fortune Cookies

I went to dinner with Seth, Crystal, Celeste, and UMB at a local Chinese buffet last night. It’s one of those places that has like 100 dishes set out, some are typical chinese fare, some are bit more “exotic” like frog’s legs, octopus salad, etc.

The food is usually pretty good, and of course we always eat way too much.

After stuffing ourselves, the cookies came out. I personally can not resist the vanilla goodness that is a fortune cookie. Celeste usually brings hers home for her dog.

I thought I had seen just about every type of fortune in a cookie. Everything from the mundane, everyday prediction to common proverbs or “wise sayings.”

Tonight we struck what I think is fortune cookie gold.

My cookie held a pretty straight forward, though grammatically incorrect, generic prediction:

Change
“The change you started already have far reaching effects. Be ready.”

Celeste’s fortune shared this bit of “wise advice”:

Work
“Work with the public and let some of your hidden qualities shine.”

Seth’s fortune cookie offered up a rather… enigmatic… proverb:

The Crow
“A clever crow will always paint its feather black.”

Crystal’s fortune was downright confusing:

Beauty in the eye of the beholder
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Wonton or Dumpling?”

And then there was UMB’s… My only guess is that someone mixed up shoppinglist.txt with fortunelist.txt.

MooShu
“Here we go. ‘Moo Shu Cereal’ for breakfast with duck sauce.”

Someone somewhere just got a cookie that says, “Don’t forget. Milk, eggs, green tea, squid.”

16 thoughts on “Chinese Fortune Cookies

  1. wtf??!?! i’ve never received any fortune cookies that whacked. and i eat a lot of chinese food.

    although i am giggling at the “here we go” part.

    we should apply for jobs as fortunte writers for that cookie company. considering some of the comments on your caption me mondays, i think we could all get hired.

  2. hello – Maybe it’s a west coast thing. There’s a good business plan here. We should explore that.

    Miss Britt – Yeah, nothing worse than cheap toilet paper.

    Robin – You know your life has got to be pretty bad when you’re being interrogated by a cookie.

  3. so because of you i had chinese food delivered for lunch. (all white meat general tso’s, steamed rice, egg roll) it was fabulous. and i could barely wait to get to my cookie. so my fortune? “Dessert CAN make you happy.” yes, the capital letters screamed at me.

    of course i added “in bed” when i read it to my coworkers. we had a mild chuckle until pam read hers. “Today you should spend sometime to search within yourself.” “in bed.” we giggled like almost teenage girls.

    thanks!

  4. I once opened a fortune cookie at a table full of people and it said “Your friends are only good thing about you”…
    WHAT?!
    I love my friends, but come on! I’m fabulous! Gorgeous smile, beautiful skin, thighs that could crack walnuts! But apparently the only thing that matters are these poor shmucks that take me out to shitty chinese restaurants.
    AND how the hell do you argue with a piece of wisdom like this in front of your friends?!
    AND ANOTHER THING.. this isn’t a fortune! it’s a thinly veiled insult! Has my life sunk so low that I’m now reduced to defending my self worth to a piece of paper with bad grammar hidden inside a bland ‘cookie’ that I get after eating alley cat and rice? If it’s a cookie, it should taste like one! I’ve had wall paper paste that was more satisfying! Who puts paper in a cookie anyway?! Walnuts? yes! … chocolate chips? yes!… M&Ms? sure! but paper! this is a dumb idea! It’s just a distraction so you don’t notice that this tasteless wafer is insulting you! bitches!

    Damn it! I’m sticking with thai food!
    (and I should probably switch to Decaf)

  5. j, cheeks and i just went for chinese food 2 nights ago. mine said something about focusing on inner beauty. *gee, thanks, i think* j’s was ‘fortune smiles on you often’ *yeah, that fits. he’s got cheeks and i after all! :-)* for cheeks though, my 6 year old, mind you. ‘you will marry into great wealth’ all i could think was ~bullshit!!~ my kids gonna ~earn~ her money by working for it. and by that i don’t mean by blowing a dried up geezer for a fortune she’ll die fighting for.

  6. hello – I’m glad I could help you with your lunch decision. Dessert in bed is quite nice. I highly recommend Strawberries and Whipped Cream.

    Branden – That cookie was meant for the lesbian to your left.

    Lee – I don’t think that was a very veiled insult. And you do have nice creamy thighs that can crack walnuts. Either you need to switch to decaf, or I need to drink more coffee.

    heather – I would think that any mother would want her daughter to marry money in ADDITION to working hard and being smart. That’s all I’ve ever hoped for myself.

  7. at lunch a few moments ago i received “today brings out the performer and humanitarian in you.” in bed.

    maybe they do know me after all…

  8. i just got the one about the clever crow and i was trying to see if it was an old saying and your blog is the one site that came up with it πŸ™‚

  9. i got the same cookie about “here we go. Moo shu cereal for breakfast with duck sauce” I was freaking out, i though it was telling me i need a diet, and im like 95 pounds, of course that helps with be being a Flordia Gator Cheerleader but still, i wanna know what it really means

  10. Its several years later and I just got: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Wonton or Dumpling?” So it is still out there making the rounds. I just had to Google the phrase to see what would come up.

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