Sep 30

Jester’s Not Here Man…

I’m not here today. I’m actually guest posting over at Avitable’s place.

I’m happy I’m the last guest poster during Adam’s tiptoe through the gladiolas in his backyard. I am glad mostly because the presence of the other posters this week did a lot to dispel that musty-butt-funk smell hanging around his joint. Seriously, I hope that Mrs. Avitable or Britt can one day teach Adam how to clean that space under his balls. It’s rank.

I’ve sprayed some Oust, so it’s safe for all of you to click over and visit. Though, you might wish to do it when your boss or kids are not around. It’s not exactly safe for work.

Sep 28

Friday Hotness

I missed Friday Hotness last week. Sorry about that. Here’s something to make up for it:

Hot 1

Hot 2

Hot 3

I haven’t forgotten you guys out there (and Lori!) 🙂

Hot Chicks

Sep 27

The Beginning of True Adulthood*

I took a major step in my life this week.

I enrolled in supplemental life, accidental death/dismemberment, and supplemental disability insurances.

I’m now officially worth more dead than alive.

Fortunately, I’m working for an institution that offers domestic partner benefits and I’m able to cover UMB and list him as a beneficiary.

Not everyone has that ability, ya know. [insert plea for domestic partnership/gay marriage laws here]

I listed my parents as beneficiaries, as well.

So if I were to die in a car accident tomorrow, wearing my seatbelt (I always do), the payout would be nearly $750,000.

Anyone got a spare motion-sensitive camera I could borrow? I’d like to keep a close eye on my brake lines.

* I think you’re officially an adult when you start trying to plan the end stages of your life, retirement, disability, death… and those damn kids who keep kicking over the rocks in my yard.

Sep 26

Stuff you should know…

Kristy has a hysterical story about her first session with a personal trainer. I had to stop reading a couple of times to breathe.


Marcia and Jan Brady had a sexual relationship
.

Daniel has his very first You Tube Video posted.

I’m worried about Vinnie G. He seems to be confused.

Miss Britt is concerned about the stimulation rings on her new blouse.

There’s a fun new site out there that you probably haven’t seen yet… it’s called My Roommate Is Such A Dick.

There, that should keep you busy for a little while.

Why yes, this IS a post meant to draw your attention away from the fact that I didn’t really have the inspiration to write anything myself. Thanks for asking!

Sep 25

Chinese Fortune Cookies

I went to dinner with Seth, Crystal, Celeste, and UMB at a local Chinese buffet last night. It’s one of those places that has like 100 dishes set out, some are typical chinese fare, some are bit more “exotic” like frog’s legs, octopus salad, etc.

The food is usually pretty good, and of course we always eat way too much.

After stuffing ourselves, the cookies came out. I personally can not resist the vanilla goodness that is a fortune cookie. Celeste usually brings hers home for her dog.

I thought I had seen just about every type of fortune in a cookie. Everything from the mundane, everyday prediction to common proverbs or “wise sayings.”

Tonight we struck what I think is fortune cookie gold.

My cookie held a pretty straight forward, though grammatically incorrect, generic prediction:

Change
“The change you started already have far reaching effects. Be ready.”

Celeste’s fortune shared this bit of “wise advice”:

Work
“Work with the public and let some of your hidden qualities shine.”

Seth’s fortune cookie offered up a rather… enigmatic… proverb:

The Crow
“A clever crow will always paint its feather black.”

Crystal’s fortune was downright confusing:

Beauty in the eye of the beholder
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Wonton or Dumpling?”

And then there was UMB’s… My only guess is that someone mixed up shoppinglist.txt with fortunelist.txt.

MooShu
“Here we go. ‘Moo Shu Cereal’ for breakfast with duck sauce.”

Someone somewhere just got a cookie that says, “Don’t forget. Milk, eggs, green tea, squid.”

Sep 24

Caption Me

Here’s this week’s caption me post….

Warning, it is probably NSFW.

What’s going on in this picture?

Continue reading

Sep 22

New Total Eclipse Photos

Total Eclipse played a Leukemia Society benefit Thursday night in San Francisco. It was an 80’s theme party (hence the outfits). The crowd was surprisingly large for a Thursday night.

I managed to snap some good photos of the band members to update our website. Here you go:

This is Jerry, aka Othurme. He plays keyboards.
Jerry

This is Gary. He plays the bass.
Gary

This is Chris, he’s our new lead guitarist.
Chris

This is Anna, our drummer.
Anna

Here’s Lisa, she’s a singer.
Lisa

Here’s Michael, aka UMB. He sings.
Michael

Here’s me. I sing.
Paul

Here’s Kristy. She dances in the audience and drinks. We love her.
Kristy

Sep 21

What do you think of me?

I saw this over at Miss Britt’s place, and think it’s a rather fascinating idea.

Here’s the deal: Visit my Johari page and click on a list of positive adjectives that you think describes (or you associate with) ME.

Then, visit my nohari page to pick from a list of negative adjectives that you think describes (or you associate) with me.

I’ll publish the results later in the week.

Sep 20

Must see to believe…

I saw this over at Vinnie’s place.

Check out www.hotghettomess.com.

Gotta hit the sack. Our show in SF is tonight, and I really need to sleep or I’m going to be a zombie before we take the stage at 9am.

I hope to get some good pictures of us in our 80’s glory.

In the meantime, how’s life where YOU are?

Sep 19

How to Screw Your Successor

Some observations from the first two days at the new job… the guy who left the position I just took could have written a book entitled, “How to Screw Your Successor.” Here are some chapter highlights:

  • Give your “good” computer to your cubicle mate. Leave the wheezing piece of shit that takes 12 minutes to log on to the network for the new guy.
  • Uninstall all of the software that you use on a daily basis. Surely the next designer who comes in won’t need Photoshop, Illustrator, Dreamweaver, Word, Excel, or Powerpoint. Be sure to give your licenses away to people outside your department.
  • Create multiple directories on the web server with the same name. It will surely be fun for your replacement to spend 5 hours trying to determine just which “web” folder actually publishes to the web.
  • Create directory nests up to 12 folders deep to contain single files. Do this with as many files as possible. Preferably on different servers. Nothing passes the time like typing out paths like stuff/web_files/www/published/Bork/gargamel/jumpingjehosephat/index.php over and over again.
  • Encrypt everything, including innocuous files like the on-site cafeteria menu, which you should name “readmefirst.txt.”
  • Use a different nonsense password for every login. Leave no notes or key that might allow the new guy to easily login and create new user accounts because you…
  • …never create an individual “administrator” account with a global password that would make it easy for the next guy to get his own login on the 500 Drupal installations you’ve created to run all the websites.
  • Create 500 Drupal installations.
  • Don’t comment a single piece of code. Your successor will enjoy deciphering your variable names.
  • Stop cleaning your desk approximately 8 months before your departure. This will leave a nice 1/2-inch thick layer of dust and grime over every flat surface. The new guy doesn’t have anything better to do than dust and clean the shelves.
  • Never throw used chewing gum away when you can stick it to the fabric cubicle walls, under the lip of the desk, in the drawer, or on the underside of the keyboard. Your successor loves nothing more than transporting a cup of ice to work to help remove all the Big Red residue from every surface.
  • Leave no useful office supplies on your desk. The broken stapler, scotch tape dispenser (marked with multiple labels that read “removable tape” WTF?) two orange highlighters and 752(!) medium binder clips will undoubtedly be appreciated by the next web designer who sits at your station.
  • Forgo a chair mat for the carpeted floor. Opt instead for using duct tape to smooth over the snags left by your rolling chair.
  • Be a really nice guy to everyone in your department so that they will all be quite sad that you’ve left and will eye your replacement with skepticism and resentment.

::sigh::

How’s your week going?

* While I may be slightly exaggerating a couple of points (it’s not really 500 Drupal installations… more like 30), for the most part, this has been exactly what the past two days have been all about.