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I was pondering what I should write about tonight, when Avitable posted his questionnaire to bail me out. Thanks Bluddy!
1. If I showed up at your house randomly next week, what would we do together?
I don’t want to get into specifics, but suffice it to say there would be gallons of alcohol, quarts of lube, pints of blood, cups of coffee, and ounces of some unidentifiable sticky substance that won’t wash off our shoes. Bring a swimsuit. And a towel.
2. Rather than saying "I have a blogger friend", or "I have a friend who's a blogger", there should be a word for this that makes it less awkward to say. Would you prefer "blend", "frogger", "bluddy", "blogquaintance", or "webbud"? Or do you have a better idea?
I’m a big fan of “bluddy,” but I prefer to use the word, “lover.” Just try it out and see if you don’t enjoy the looks you get.
3. If we were hanging out together and you noticed that my balls were hanging out of my shorts, would you tell me or try to maintain eye contact and talk to me?
I would just calmly reach over and tuck them back into place. I’m not afraid to touch manberries. Why are you wearing shorts anyway?
4. If you had no neighbors, would you buy curtains for your windows? Why or why not?
We have neighbors now and have no curtains. UMB is an exhibitionist, and I’m cheap. It works out for the best. There’s really only one window that is visible from the street, and if the drunk Asian guy across the street wants to see us naked, so be it.
5. Who would you rather fuck: Dan Rather or Betty White?
I’m not convinced that they aren’t the same person. Think about it, have you ever seen them in the same room together? Spooky. But just in case, my answer is Ricky Martin.
6. If two girls walk into a bathroom and they both find a newly born baby in the toilet at the same time, should they have to wrestle in oil while nude to claim the baby as theirs, split it in half and share it, or sell it on the black market and divide the proceeds?
They should flush, wash their hands, and get the hell out of that middle school.
7. Do you believe in ghosts, aliens, heaven, or mothers-in-law? Why or why not?
Ghosts, yes. Energy is never created or destroyed, so who’s to say that it doesn’t maintain some sort of human-like form. Aliens, yes. To believe that out of the billions and billions of other planets and solar systems that exist ONLY OUR planet is capable of sustaining life is just asinine. I don’t think they would bother visiting us. Heaven, no. Do I really have to explain that one? Mothers-in-law, no. I don’t believe in God or the Devil.
8. What was your most embarrassing moment of your life and do you have pictures or video that you will share with me?
To be honest, I don’t embarrass. It pisses everyone around me off… it just never happens.
9. Do you know where I put my sunglasses?
Yes. But I’m an asshole and I don’t plan on telling you.
10. What aspect of your own blogging do you wish you could improve and why? Would you pay money for lessons taught by me to improve that skill? How much? And what's your credit card number?
I wish I was bursting with brilliant, funny, witty and interesting posts that I just couldn’t write fast enough. I would gladly trade sexual favors for your tutelage. My credit card number is 2. I’m old.
Wanna try answering his questions, too?
