Aug 31

Happy Friday

UMB and I are heading up to Lake Berryessa for the weekend. One of my bands is performing there tomorrow night, and the owners have graciously provided us with a cabin on the lake to stay in. Othurme will be in the cabin next door.

I plan to fish for the first time in years. Which reminds me… I wonder where my knife is. Hmm.

I’m not sure that I’ll be updating the site this weekend, depends on if my laptop card will get cell signal or not.

Just in case, I’m going to leave you with this riddle:

The table you see pictured is being sold on eBay by a man. It should be fairly obvious that the seller is a man.

How do I know this?

(Thanks to my friend Leayn for sending this to me…)

The Table Sold by a Man

Aug 30

All The Same

Check out this video from Sick Puppies called “All The Same.”

I wonder if a “Free Oral Sex” sign would be as effective?

Aug 29

A Bit of News

So for those of you who have been interested and have inquired recently, I can now officially announce:

After more than six months of actively looking for one, I finally got a job!

The “official offer letter” should arrive in the mail this week with all the salary details, but the hiring supervisor was able to finally confirm that I would be getting the offer.

What can I say, it’s the government’s way of doing things… it takes a long time and there are mountains of red tape that must be sorted through to make anything happen.

I am returning to Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory. Long time readers will know that I spent five years at LBNL before being laid off and striking off on my own in the cafe/tech company business.

I will actually be working in the exact same position as a Web Developer that I helped create… the only difference is that I will be in a different department.

It will be a bit difficult for me to adjust to a “normal” schedule after more than 3 years of my own hours, but the health benefits, retirement, and most of all steady income makes it worth my while!

In other news: Check out Avitable’s site today… he hosted a “mad libs” contest the other night and has posted the results. They are pretty funny. My entry actually fit in a bit TOO well.

Aug 28

Taking One For The Team

I’m sure you all read how Alberto Gonzales resigned today. This is fresh on the heels of the resignation of the lessor demon Karl Rove…

Let me get this straight… High level officials are stepping down after scandals of incredible proportions. Bush has tried to appoint his cleaning lady to the Supreme Court. He’s sold us on a crap war, lied to us, and basically stripped us of many of our constitutional rights, even in defiance of Congress.

And he’s still in office…

I’ve done some thinking about it, and I’ve decided that it would be my civic duty, nay my responsibility as a patriotic American, to do something about this mess.

That’s right. I’ve decided to go to The White House and blow the President.*

It won’t be pleasant (for me) but surely it can’t last that long, unless he’s on another coke bender, and then I’m going to have to ask you all for donations for the muscle relaxers necessary to heal my jaw.

In this country, apparently lying about a blow job is enough to get you impeached, but watching your cabinet and Attorney General fall on their swords, your Vice President shoot a civilian, and oh yeah, over 4000 US soldiers die in a civil war in the Holy Land is perfectly ok.

I’m going to need some lip balm, a plane ticket, security clearance, some hot pants, and lots and lots of therapy. And mouthwash.

* Welcome to all of the Department of Homeland Security, FBI, and CIA readers. Lighten up, as far as I know, the 1st Amendment hasn’t been totally eviscerated.

Aug 22

All About My Name

I got this from Heather. It’s actually kinda scary how well this describes me:

All about my Name

You entered: Paul Aaron Harris

There are 15 letters in your name.
Those 15 letters total to 73
There are 7 vowels and 8 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:
Latin Male Little; small. Biblical apostle and evangelist Paul’s letters to early Christians comprise many New Testament books. Before converting to Christianity at Damascus, Paul had been involved in the brutal persecution of Christians.
French Male Little. Biblical apostle and evangelist Paul’s letters to early Christians comprise many New Testament books.
English Male Little. Biblical apostle and evangelist Paul’s letters to early Christians comprise many New Testament books.
Biblical Male Small; little

Your number is: 1

The characteristics of #1 are: Initiating action, pioneering, leading, independent, attaining, individual.

The expression or destiny for #1:
A number 1 Expression denotes the skilled executive with keen administrative capabilities. You must develop the capacity to be a fine leader, sales executive, or promoter. You have the tools to become an original person with a creative approach to problem solving, and a penchant for initiating action. Someone may have to follow behind you to handle the details, but you know how to get things going and make things happen. You have a good mind and the ability to use it for your advancement. Because of these factors, you have much potential for achievement and financial rewards. Frequently, this expression belongs to one running a business or striving to achieve a level of accomplishment on ones talents and efforts. You have little need for much supervision, preferring to act on your own with little restraint. You are both ambitious and determined. Self-confident and self-reliant must be yours, as you develop a strong unyielding will and the courage of your convictions.

Although you fear loneliness, you want to be left alone. You fear routine and being in a rut. You often jump the gun because you are afraid of being left behind.

The negative attributes of the 1 Expression are egotism and a self-centered approach to life. This is an aggressive number and if it is over-emphasized it is very hard to live with. You do not have to be overly aggressive to fulfill your destiny. The 1 has a natural instinct to dominate and to be the boss; adhering to the concept of being number One. Again, you do not have to dominate and destroy in order to lead and manage.

Your Soul Urge number is: 22

A Soul Urge number of 22 means:
The Soul Urge of the master number 22 is very much that of the master builder. You would like to use your abilities in an important humanitarian undertaking, and have an innate desire is to express the significant power you feel in a concrete manner, as a builder, engineer, diplomat, etc. In some way you want to make a considerable contribution to the world.

The 22 gives a broad, universal outlook with a rather practical and common-sense approach. You have especially high intelligence, with an unusual perception and awareness. This number often denotes a high degree of diplomatic abilities and high ideals. You are a very capable person and you may possess special leadership abilities that you can and should develop. People respect you and recognize your superior foresight and vision.

The negative side of the 22 soul urge is a high degree of nervous energy and a tendency to be very dominating. It is unfortunate that all who possess the urge of 22 do not use its energies to the greatest advantage; but then it should be recognized that these energies are understandably the most difficult to focus and direct.

Your Inner Dream number is: 6

An Inner Dream number of 6 means:
You dream of guiding and fostering the perfect family in the perfect home. You crave the devotion from offspring and a loving spouse. You picture yourself in the center of a successful domestic unit.

Aug 21

Open Thread Tuesday

It has been a busy past couple of days around here, and not having my laptop puts a cramp in my daily schedule.

In other words, I don’t have anything prepared for today. I am showing up for the pop quiz without a pencil and having no idea what chapter we were supposed to have read. I may not even have the book yet. I’ll likely buy it used from some clown who dropped this class because it was too “late in the day.”

Whatever.

Any hoo… I’m going to turn today’s thread over to you all.

What would you like to talk about?

Are there any questions you have always wanted to ask me, or one of the commenters here?

Are there any stories I’ve written or posts I’ve made that you feel need some clarifications or expansion?

Post here in the comments and I’ll do my best….

Also, feel free to totally ream me a new one for not having my shit together today. Who knows, I might like it.

Aug 20

Caption Me

Here’s this week’s photo caption entry…

What A Night

My submission: Martha thought her hangover couldn’t possibly make her feel worse, until she saw the photos…

Aug 18

My Powerbook

Rest In Peace Laptop :(It seems to have given up after nearly three just over two years of near constant usage. It’s been acting a bit squirrely for a few days, but always cleared up after a reboot.

Now it seems that it doesn’t want to turn on again. I get the Mac chime, and then nothing. No grey screen, no happy little smiley face Mac. Not even a hard drive error message. Just nothing.

Chime.

Blank.

::sigh::

I can’t afford a new computer right now. For the moment I’m using UMB’s laptop.

Updates and response to emails, comments, etc may be spotty for the next few days while my baby is in the hospital hopefully being fixed for less than the price of a new computer.

Aug 17

Never Have Your Dog Stuffed

No, I don’t have a great story about having an ex-pet stuffed.

Fortunately, Alan Alda does.

I’m reading a copy of his book, “Never Have Your Dog Stuffed and Other Things I’ve Learned.” I’m about halfway through it and it’s one of the best collections of memoirs or short stories that I have read in a long long time. His stories about growing up in burlesque shows are my favorite so far.

Occasionally I will read something that I feel is written so well that I can’t stop thinking about the way the author structured their thoughts. Here’s a passage I particularly enjoy:

Although she [Alda’s Mother] didn’t say it aloud, “peer groups” sounded to her like people peering at one another. To the priest who answered the phone, the book [The Lonely Crowd], and possibly all of sociology, may have smacked of godless secularism. “We’re [the Catholic Church] concerned about that book, too,” he told her. Neither one of them was fully aware of what the other meant. Two utterly different forms of paranoia had met in the dark and agreed there was something under the bed.

What a great metaphor.