in Guest Post

59 Comments »

Welcome to Jestertunes! If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Feel free to leave a comment, read through the archives, and enjoy yourself. See you again real soon!

When Jester asked me to write a guest post, I realized that this was my chance to speak up for the straight male. Since, obviously, every member of Jester’s audience except for me is a gay male, I know that there are a lot of stereotypes and assumptions made about straight men, what they do, and how they think. And finally, I can set the record straight, as the unofficially appointed spokesperson for the straight American male.

So here you go, gays - a day in the life of the typical straight male:

I usually wake up to my iPod alarm playing one of my favorite bands, whether it’s ABBA, Concrete Blonde, Britney, Lindsay, Madonna, Gwen Stefani, Ani DiFranco, Indigo Girls, K’s Choice, Hillary Duff, or Avril Lavigne. I’ll lie in bed for a little while jamming to the music before waking up. Then, it’s off to the shower where I pamper myself with a nice pomegranate mango body wash, wash my face and hair with some Aveda facial moisturizer and Aveda rosemary mint shampoo, and moisturize with some excellent BBW vanilla and brown sugar body lotion.

My work takes up most of my day, but I spend some time on the web, reading The Superficial and Perez Hilton, talking about the Bachelor on a message board, and catching up on last night’s Oprah.

When I get home, I’ll make a nice cosmopolitan or a sour apple martini and watch a recorded show on the DVR. Whether it’s old episodes of Gilmore Girls or Six Feet Under, it will put me in a relaxing mood, and if I’m feeling particularly festive, I’ll put in a DVD - usually something by Pedro Almodovar or Sofia Coppola, or maybe watch Torch Song Trilogy, Chuck and Buck, or Priscilla again.

And then, after a normal night, I’ll go to bed and usually dream about Legolas, that middle Hanson girl, or that scene in All the Right Moves. And the cycle continues. Well, except for holidays, when I’ll have a nice spiced cider and sit around and rock out to Meredith Brooks while watching Tyra - she is such a bitch!

So, hopefully, after reading this, some of you insensitive fuckers will realize that us straight men are sick of being stereotyped and judged for things you think we do. Gay men like to lock us in the closet of prejudice and make snap judgments. Well, here’s one straight man who is asking - nay, demanding, to be let out.

in Humor

9 Comments »

I have an acquaintance that I talk to on online on occasion. He lives in the same town as I, and I’ve seen him in person once. He’s quite a bit younger, and is a concert violinist.

We had this exchange this evening:

him
9:58
i never thought i would love schubert
but i’m not hating practicing it like i used to

Jester
9:58
what did you have against schubert?

him
9:59
second violin parts are boring

Jester
9:59
isn’t that usually the case?

him
9:59
more so with schubert

Jester
9:59
no one strives to be a second violin

him
9:59
ouch

Jester
10:00
heh. you know what I mean

him
10:00
burn

Jester
10:00
that might be the geekiest insult I’ve ever lobbed.

in FYI, Humor

45 Comments »

Here’s this week’s Caption Me post.

Here’s my submission: “The Big Three automakers announced with much fanfare this afternoon, a revolution in car safety standards: personal airbags.”

in Links

5 Comments »

I found the link to this list over at Wil Wheaton’s place.

Check out the list of 30 random ways to a happier life.

Are there any you would add to the list?

in Web Design

27 Comments »

… no… not that.

You’re Dirrrrrrrty!

No, I’m talking about the two projects that I have been working on for quite some time. It just so happens that they got released at the same time. (Note to self: In the future, don’t try to release multiple sites at the same time.)

First, I’d like to point everyone over to Killer and Liz’s new website. Killer approached me several months ago about designing a new home for all their beer, gaseous emissions, ball sweat, and throw pillows. I agreed, and got him set up on my server, reserved his domain name, and waited for the banner artwork to come from his friend Clib.

Killer and Liz decided they wanted a space where they could have separate blogrolls, separate reading and music lists, and some way to differentiate between the posts based on author. That sort of made my original plan to develop the site in Wordpress problematic. Wordpress is a fantastic program for publishing a typical blog, but it’s not designed to be truly used as a content management system.

I turned to my talented (and patient) friend Dan for suggestions. We considered Drupal and Mambo and finally settled on Expression Engine, which he painstakingly helped me code (who am I kidding… he did 98% of the programming, I wrote all the html and CSS (Cascading Style Sheets)).

I then proceeded to redesign the look of the site no less than four times. You know how you can put away something you’ve been writing or working on, come back to it the next day and think, “WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?” Yeah. I did a bunch of that.

I finally settled on a plan that would allow Killer and Liz to have their own sections on the website, plus a combined blog that pulled everything together. I managed to work in the Blue and Pink color scheme that was requested (despite a brown, red, and orange banner). Yay me.

Anyway, I hope you’ll take a moment to go kick the tires on their new trailer and have a look around.

And while you’re in an exploration mood, head over to the other site that Dan and I have poured an unbelievable amount of time into, you know, San Francisco’s Premiere 70’s and 80’s Rock/Pop Party Band, Total Eclipse Band! If you saw the old site, you’ll know it’s a huge change.

Don’t miss all the new demo songs on the Jukebox. Sign up for our newsletter, or check out the articles for clients or bands. There are a few more minor changes that need to be made. That, and I need to write more articles, but that’s typical.

Now, I’m going to go have myself a celebratory glass of wine, though I shouldn’t mix it with the medicine I’m on to try and kick this bronchitis stuff I’ve had for a couple of weeks.

And yeah, if you know anyone who needs a website designed, we’ve got room on my calendar. (If Dan is still willing to work with me.:D )

in Music

39 Comments »

With all the ballyhoo flying around here, and the assertion that some people have made about guys who sing girl songs equaling the “gayest band ever.” I thought it would be fun to find a few female songs that have been covered by guys to determine their relative “gayness.”

I hope you enjoy some so not gay covers:

(Hit Me) Baby One More Time - original: Britney Spears cover: Travis

I Think We’re Alone Now - original: Tommy James, covered and made popular by Tiffany in the 80’s, and covered again by The Click Five.

Straight Up - original: Paula Abdul cover: Hallifax

Time Is On My Side - original: Irma Thomas cover: The Rolling Stones

Hound Dog - original: Big Mama Thornton cover: Elvis Presley

and maybe the most so not gay cover ever:

Babe I’m Gonna Leave You - original: Joan Baez cover: Led Zeppelin

Guess that I really do love gay bands.