Questions from Howard

Howard over at The Web Pen is the latest to throw some interview questions my way. As always, if you wish to spread the interview loving, leave me a comment asking to be interviewed. Without further delay, let’s get to the interview!

1. C’mon. WHAT is your obsession with music? Jeez!

That’s like asking me why I like air. It’s like asking me to explain the need to eat. It’s like asking a gay man to stay out of an Abercrombie and Fitch store. It’s my crack/heroin/speed/meth/coke/vodka rolled up into three and a half minute sound bites of pure transcendence. What I mean to say is, obsession? What obsession?

2. Paul Rubens is a hero of mine. What’s he really like?

Well, you may recall that my memories of Paul have all been filtered through the haze of a long day of margaritas and other mind-altering substances… that being said, he was incredibly nice. He was a bit quieter than I imagined him to be. He was witty and laughed long and hard even at his own expense. Really what I remember most of all from that night was laughing until my stomach hurt. And of course his very cool response to Delious.

3. You seem to be a fan of that show that everyone talks about — America’s Standards For Entertainment Have Fallen Considerably or something? Assuming that you would rather be a judge than a constant (because we all know with you THAT would be fiction), who would you most be like and (yeah, two parts to this one) if they stuck you in as a fourth judge how would you set yourself apart from Randy’s attempts at being hip, Paula’s rose-colored-glasses view and Simon’s honest albeit brazen lack of tact?

So I’m guessing you belong the “Killer’s Camp of Idol Haters.” I don’t see that there is any disconnect for my love of good music and my American Idol addiction. The fact of the matter is that AI has had an enormous impact on the musical landscape. Yes, there have been some awful albums released, but there have been some outstanding artists discovered. I would say their batting average is better than most record labels at the moment. Kelly Clarkson, Chris Daughtry, Carrie Underwood, Jennifer Hudson… the list goes on all have deals now because of that show.

Don’t get me wrong, the whole Sanjaya Malakar affair almost ruined it for me this year. AI came VERY close to losing every last ounce of credibility. I guarantee that next season will be monitored much more closely. But back to your question… I’d say I’m closer to being a Simon than a Randy or Paula. I often say things aloud to UMB that Simon echos just a moment later. I rarely know what the hell Randy is talking about. He’d be silent if you were to mute out every “dawg” and “hot” “you did your thing” or “you worked it out.” Everyone picks on Paula for sounding stoned or incoherent, but I can actually follow along with what she says. She tries very hard to find something positive about every performance. I have to admit that it was pretty entertaining to watch her squirm to find something nice to say to Sanjaya. Simon usually knows what he’s talking about, but goes out of his way to make it sound mean. I think he went pretty soft this year.

If I were added as a fourth judge, I’d be able to set myself apart quite easily by speaking coherently and actually offering constructive criticism of their vocal abilities and song choices. Telling the contestant that they picked the wrong song is not enough, you have to tell them HOW to pick the right song. Tell them HOW to stay on pitch and not oversing and not shriek out the high notes. That’s definitely lacking.

4. If you could be a star-fucker and do anyone within the music industry without remorse or punishment from your man, who would it be and why?

Hmmm… I’ll leave out anyone from the music industry that I have already… umm… never mind about that… ok…

Here they are in no particular order:
Ricky Martin
Chris Carraba from Dashboard Confessional
Adam Levine from Maroon 5
Justin Timberlake

If I had to pick a woman, it’d be that Taylor Hanson chick.

Taylor Hanson

5. How would you go about writing a song about the absolute magnitude of a distance sun and how its light-wave intensity would affect the cerebral function of a person as the luminance penetrated their retinas?

I’d call it “Blinded by a Star” and I’d make it full of double entendres that would make it sound like I was talking about either a distant sun or my tryst with Ricky Martin.

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Wanna play along?

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Anyone brave enough to let me interview them?

5 thoughts on “Questions from Howard

  1. Hahaha! Those were great. And the answers to the music industry orgy? We can definitely see your type that for sure. In fact, I would say, I would ask to join in. Oops. Did I type that out loud?

    I’m not an American Idol hater per sae, I just don’t like seeing people dreams crushed in national TV. Yes, I know that only a few people in this world have that kind of talent, but it’s still hard to watch for me. And I actually respect Simon a lot for saying what’s on his mind. He should run for office because the political is sorely lacking in that department.

    As for the last question, bless you for getting that. That was fun question to write. I was going more for a “The Stars Fall Into Your Eyes” song title, but yours is great, too!

    Thanks for doing that. It was fun!

  2. Wow! I did not realize you thought I hated American Idol, is it that obvious?

    Paul Reubens would be a great person to hang out with. He fell so far and so fast, it has to be humbling.

  3. Howard – Thanks! The questions were quite good! Happy Birthday, by the way.

    I wouldn’t say that I have a “type” exactly, but I guess if we’re talking musicians, I do. I don’t see any reason why you can’t join in. UMB already said he was, too, so we might as well make it a party!

    Killer – I was just guessing that you were an Idol-hater. Must be tapping into my psychic powers. Paul had a great sense of humor about it. Of course it was 7 years later or so… almost everything is funny that long after.

    Bianca – No Kidding. With a spoon I say. A SPOON!

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