in Humor

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Rule #7: Be Observant

You have three excellent tools to keep you and your girlfriend(s) extremely happy: your eyes, your ears, and your memory (or note-taking skills). Your resume says that you are “detail-oriented” but are you really? What color are your date’s eyes? Does she have eyes? Where are you going to take her for dinner? You don’t want to take her to a fancy steak restaurant if she’s a vegan. Get into the habit of noticing the details.

Many men find it difficult to hold a conversation with an attractive woman. If you use your powers of observation, you will never have this problem.

• Look at her physically.
• Does she look like she works out? Ask her about her routine, what gym she goes to, find out if she is into yoga or pilates.
• Does she have any visible tattoos or piercings? Get her to talk about them, but don’t ask, “Did it hurt?” It was a steel needle entering her flesh, of course it hurt, nimrod.
• Is she wearing any clothing that is especially different or interesting? If, for instance, she is dressed as a clown, ask her why. Unless you’re at the circus or a child’s birthday party. Does any of her clothing appear to be handmade? Maybe she has a story about the scarf her grandmother sent her wrapped around her inheritance notification. Score!
• Look at her jewelry; does she like flashy or understated items? Does she prefer silver, gold, or platinum? Is she wearing any traditionally religious items, such as a Star of David or Crucifix? Perhaps she is wearing her astrological symbol, ask her about it. Are her ears pierced? Have you checked her ring finger? Many a rejection or other ugly situation could be avoided by a simple glance for the wedding ring.
• Is she carrying anything such as a book, a shopping bag, or a ferret? All are prime conversational topics.
• Notice your surroundings.
• In a grocery store, is her cart full of items like sugary cereals or diapers, or perhaps a kid? How about single’s food items such as TV dinners, a single tomato, ramen noodles, frozen pizzas, etc. Is she buying pet products like cat or dog food?
• In a bookstore, is she in the mystery or romance section? If she’s in the Women’s Studies or Gay and Lesbian Studies sections, you could be barking up the wrong dyke.* And trust me, she doesn’t need you to “show her what she’s missing.”
• In a bar or club, is she sipping water or slamming back tequila shots? Is she with a lot of friends, or does she appear to be by herself? Watch for a few minutes, you don’t want to approach while her meathead boyfriend is in the pisser.
• Listen to what she is saying. A lot of times, guys miss their chance to keep the conversation going by missing vital information while worrying about what to talk about next!
• Is she talking about a movie she saw recently? Ask her about her favorite actors, favorite movies, ask her where to find the best movie theater in town.
• Same for music, favorite artists, favorite song, best concert she has ever seen.
• Ask her about her family, nieces, nephews, godchildren, etc.
• Is she talking about her ex-boyfriends? You might want to steer clear of this one.
• Listen for key phrases like, “I really like to…” and “I love to go…” these provide great opportunities to ask her out, and often give you great information to use for future dates.

Use the information you’ve gathered to your advantage. Take notes and your ability to recall seemingly insignificant pieces of information will really score you a lot of points. Follow these instructions and reap the rewards!

* I get to use that word because I’m a fag. I didn’t make that particular rule.

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