in Humor

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Rule #6: Be Prepared

Few things are more embarrassing than realizing that you’re over your credit limit on your card while on a date. Your mother walking in on you while you’re watching “Big Busted Beauties Balling Bodybuilders” comes to mind, but we digress. Plan ahead. Always carry cash.

The secret to really impressing the babes (especially on first dates) is having a well developed plan of events.

• Before your date, call her and ask her a few questions about what she’d like to do. Try to find out what kind of wine she likes, and perhaps her favorite flowers. Don’t ask everything over the phone, you need something to talk about later.
• Call the restaurant ahead of time and make reservations. Ask the manager on duty to set up a nice bouquet of flowers on the table before you arrive. You are taking her to a nice restaurant, right? No, Chevy’s doesn’t count. Don’t forget to tip the server and manager for their extra attention.
• Running low on cash? No problem, later I’ll give you some great low budget date ideas. She’ll feel like a million bucks.
• Buy your movie tickets in advance, to avoid the possibility of the show being sold out. You don’t want to end up viewing the latest Nick Cage bomb when she really wanted to see the new Julia Roberts flick. Well, you might want to, but she doesn’t.
• Pick something to wear in advance, if you give your wardrobe a couple minutes of thought you’re less likely to show up at her door in something not quite clean. Or something plaid.
• If you’re planning on heading out to the beach, or being out well after dark, bring along an extra jacket or a blanket for your date. With luck, she’ll be wearing something skimpy, and you don’t want to have to cut your evening short because she’s freezing.
• Be punctual. The best approach is to pick her up five minutes after the time you’ve said you’d be there, she’ll have had five extra minutes to get ready, she’ll be anticipating your arrival, and you won’t look completely anal-retentive with all the other planning you’ve done.
• Make sure your car has plenty of gas, and is in good working order. You don’t want to ruin your evening by introducing your date to that handsome tow truck driver.
• Planning to return to your pad with your date in tow? You cleaned up right? Have some champagne or her favorite wine chilled and waiting for you. Set up some candles to light when you get home, and have the CD player loaded with the proper mood music.
• Have clean sheets on the bed, and fresh towels and extra toilet paper in the bathroom.
• Have condoms near the bed, or carry some in your car. If it appears that you are going to get lucky, slip them in your pocket. You don’t want them to accidentally to fall out of your pocket if the date isn’t going that direction, it makes you look like a jerk. Remember, you should never carry a condom in your wallet; the heat from your ass breaks the latex down.

A little bit of preparation on your part can make an evening go very smoothly, but even the best laid plans can go awry. If something happens to blow your evening to hell, don’t forget to laugh about it, because you’ve got a Plan B, right?

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