Apr 30

My Dreams: Question from Kristy

Following in the footsteps of the interviews going around the web, my great friend Kristy over at She Just Walks Around With It offered up this question specifically for me:

What’s your biggest current dream that you think really could be a possibility someday?

That’s a tough question.

First, I refuse to give up the idea that I could someday hear myself singing on the radio and embarking on a world tour. I realize that as I get older that possibility dissipates, but as long as there are 65 and 70 year old guys doing it (I’m looking at you Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney) I’m not calling it a dead dream. (Of course, in order to achieve it, I should be spending more time developing an original project. ::sigh::)

Secondly, whether or not I get myself on the radio or not, I really want to get one of my songs on the radio. I used to be a prolific songwriter. For a short period of time I was cranking out a minimum of a song per week. This was back when I was surrounded by musicians all the time, seeing a lot of live shows and had the motivation to carry a tape of my latest song around with me to hand out. I actually had a song published that George Strait wanted to record and put “on hold” for inclusion on an album. He never recorded it, and I am no longer in Nashville to hand it out again. Once I got out to California, after having my ass handed to me during the Record Contract Ordeal, I got distracted by other pursuits, mostly the NEED to make enough money to survive living in Northern California. Not a week goes by now that I don’t kick myself for not spending some time writing a song, or at least attempting to write a song. I’ve toyed around with a few recently, but again, the NEED to find an income has taken priority.

Thirdly, I’d like to figure out how to make enough of an income online to finance the first two dreams. This is the part that I’m attacking full force at the moment. I’m making a little bit of headway so far, the concepts and instructions from WealthAffiliate.com (aff) are fairly easy to follow and the concepts are easy to understand. Now I just need the focus.

Ooooh look, something shiny…

I could make a laundry list of the other things I’d like to accomplish with my life. I won’t because I think it would depress me to see all the things I haven’t done laid out in an easy to read checklist.

Thanks for the question, Kristy. BTW, if you’re not regularly reading Kristy’s blog, you are missing out on some funny stories and fantastic writing.

Apr 27

A Story About Hoss

Hoss Burns Adjusting the TemperatureFinding that picture of Hoss yesterday made me think of this trip that I took with him, Mama Sharon, and Hoss’s friend Jack to Destin, Florida.

As a refresher, Mama Sharon was the crazy cool older woman that I was living with in Nashville. And Jack was the friend who owned the property out in the middle of nowhere that brought about Movie Moment #1.

Hoss and Mama SharonWe stayed in Destin for a couple of days, in this little cinder-block shack that sat less than 20 yards from the high tide line on the beach. There was a lot of alcohol and pot being passed around. We laughed ourselves silly and swam and sunbathed and drank and smoked some more. There was also some cocaine and who knows what else was in that cigar box, but Mama Sharon and I stayed away from that.

One night, Hoss and I decided we wanted to hit a club. Jack wasn’t feeling very well, as he had been put on a new HIV medication that was making him puke about once every half hour. (This made the 5 hour trip to Florida somewhat exciting.) The nearest gay club that Hoss knew about was a piano bar in Pensacola, about an hour away.

Hoss had been drinking and smoking pot all afternoon, so he was completely trashed. I suggested that maybe we should wait until the next night to go out, but he insisted that he was going to drive us to the bar in Pensacola.

When we got in the car, I asked him if he would rather I drive.

He said, “No, I’m alright. Let’s get going… put on some music.”

Hoss and Mama As I remember them most…About 10 minutes later, he turned the wrong way down a one way street. I asked him again, “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive? I haven’t had anything to drink or smoke in like 6 hours..”

He said, “No, I’m fine.”

We made it to the highway, and he was doing ok… he only drifted over the line a couple of times.*

Suddenly, he pulled over to the left shoulder of the highway, put the car in park and looked me directly in the eye and said, “Here’s the deal. Where are we going?”

I said, “Hoss… we’re going to the gay bar in Pensacola. Do you want me to drive?”

He giggled and his eyes lit up, “Would you!?”

*Don’t think for a minute that I wasn’t scared to death the whole time.

Apr 26

More Old Photos Uncovered

I’ve got an old portable hard drive that I fired up tonight to look through. I’ve uncovered a ton of stuff that I have completely forgotten about. It will take me ages to sort through it all.

Right off the bat I found a couple of photos I immediately had to upload.

You remember the story of one of the worst things said to me ever?

Meet Austin.
AustinAustin

And here’s a photo I found of Hoss Burns that I just love. You’ll remember Hoss from the Record Contract Story.

Hoss Burns

I’m sure I’ll find more old stuff to share.

You’ve been warned.

Apr 25

T-Minus 6 (Idol Gives Back)

American IdolTonight is the big Idol Gives Back show with all the guest stars and fundraising and clips of Simon in Africa. Oh yeah, someone goes home tonight, too. LaKisha?

70 Million Votes were received last night. That’s incredible! And there’s been mention of the most “shocking” results ever. Hmm.. I feel like maybe we’re going to be duped tonight.

I started out writing a play by play of the show, like I normally do, but I don’t have the stamina to do that with this two hour constant barrage of celebrities and performances, so I’m going to depart from the structure I normally follow, and just list some highlights as they come to me.

Earth Wind and Fire are opening the show. I’m wondering how many people watching the show know who they are. And after the first few measures of the highly annoying falsetto and bad hair, I’m wondering how many are still watching. They then launched into a medley of their hits to remind everyone of who they are. If you’ve not figured it out yet, EW&F have never been one of my favorite bands.

The horrors of Hurricane Katrina follow the horrors that was the Earth Wind and Fire set. I think the current state of New Orleans and the treatment of oh so many people who were affected by this disaster is an even worse nightmare than the war in Iraq. But that’s a discussion for another time. We’ve got TV to watch.

Quincy Jones is the next guest, he’s working with the Idols for the first of I’m guessing several group numbers this week. “Time to Care” is the song. And I’m not even annoyed by Phil during it. LaKisha still looks like she’s sitting through a lecture on the history of yarn.

Eric McCormack (Will from Will and Grace) did a plug for Idol Aid and submitted this zinger, “If every person who ever voted for Sanjaya gave just one dollar, we could do so much good.”

Ben Stiller is all grey haired now. Yikes. He’s threatening to sing “Reminiscing” until they raise 200 Billion dollars. A quite funny bit.

Time for more heart wrenching footage from Africa. Great… little kids crying about the death of their parents. I’m going to need a kleenex. Why do I watch this stuff?

Watching stuff like this makes me want to just sell everything that I own and move to Africa to teach orphans.

Il Divo is performing next, following Paula’s photo op at the Boys and Girls Club in Los Angeles. They’re singing “Somewhere” from “West Side Story.” I’m sure this performance appeals to someone, though I’m at a loss at the moment who it might be. It’s slow and morose and pretentious. Somewhere there’s a 60 year old woman in a Michael Bolton tee shirt bawling her eyes out and repeating, “It’s just so beautiful!” UMB said “they sound like a group of broadway opera rejects.” I said, “it sounds like what I imagine a cartoon made up of Italian opera-singing goats would be.”

Jack Black is on stage and I think he intends to sing “Kiss from a Rose.” His Tenacious D counterpart, Kyle Gass, is in the audience with a rose and misty eyes. The judges didn’t care for it. Paula said, “The School of Rock called and they want their diploma back.” Simon said, “Honestly, you were better than Sanjaya.” Guest judge Seal loved his rendition.

So we now know that Melinda and Blake are both safe. Big shocker there…

Carrie Underwood went to Africa and is bringing attention to the AIDS Crisis there. She’s shooting a makeshift video for “I’ll Stand By You” from The Pretenders. I may have to jump over to iTunes and download this version. I do love her voice, and this is a nice cover. Great. Need. More. Kleenex.

Rascal Flatts is up next to sing “My Wish.” If you’re a regular reader here at Jestertunes, you know I’m a fan of Gary LeVox and the rest of the band, even though they have my career. Great job from those guys.

Cletus SpucklerBack to the Appalachian Mountains of Kentucky. Nearly half of the adults in this particular county dropped out of school and can not read. I know it’s wrong, but during that whole segment I pictured everyone of the kids talking as one of Cletus’ brood from The Simpsons.

And now the Staying Alive video with a shitload of artists and celebrities lip syncing along.

I’m a blubbering mess after the video of Ryan and Simon in Africa with all the AIDS patients. Ellen DeGeneres just announced that she is personally donating $100,000.00.

Josh Groban is performing “You Raise Me Up” backed by an African children’s choir. UMB and I have different opinions on Josh Groban. I happen to love him. UMB thinks he is just “silly.”

Kelly Clarkson is making her first return appearance on Idol. Jeff Beck is joining her onstage to perform “Up To The Mountain.” You need not look any farther than Kelly if you’re looking for a reason to justify the existence of American Idol. I know there are people who read my blog (Killer!) who can’t stand AI. I don’t get it. Sure, for every Kelly Clarkson there is a Sanjaya, but so what!? Finding a Kelly Clarkson is worth sitting through dozens of Sanjayas and William Hungs. Kelly’s performance was brilliant, reserved, emotional, and exactly what a professional artist should embody.

Simon Cowell singing “Don’t Cha” as a Simpson’s character. Great.

Oh look… we’re pretending to be paying attention to the contestants again… Phil and LaKisha are declared safe now.

Celine Dion is doing some “time travel” back 1968 to sing with Elvis Presley a la the green screen to sing a duet of “If I Can Dream.” I’m not the world’s biggest Elvis fan, but this was a pretty cool gimmick. Now the Idols are joining them on stage… quite cool.

Ooo… Annie Lennox is going to perform. I LOVE her. She’s singing “Bridge Over Troubled Water.” She’s always been a big support of AIDS outreach programs and a great friend to the Gay Community.

Ok… now to the final results… Chris and Jordin are the only contestants whose fate is unknown.

And just as I thought…. we’ve been had. All of the contestants are safe for this week.

Here’s the rub… votes for the contestants this week will be added to next week’s votes and the bottom TWO will be sent home. Crap!

Finally, BONO has made his appearance on Idol. He worked with the Idols on their finale “American Prayer.”

All in all the show was entertaining and heart-wrenching. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the producers of AI need to be in charge of the Grammys. The pacing and level of performances are just far better than what Grammy producers have been able to deliver the past few years.

I was going to list all the guest appearances in real time, but they are coming too fast, and I am too lazy to keep doing replays with the Tivo, so I’m just going to list them here:

Ellen DeGeneres, Quincy Jones, Eric McCormack, David Schwimmer, Sanjaya Malakar, Ben Stiller, Forrest Whitaker, Teri Hatcher, Dr. Phil, Hugh Laurie (House, M.D.), Jack Black, Kyle Gass, Seal, Carrie Underwood, Tom Anderson (MySpace Founder), Goldie Hawn, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Chris Kattan, Lisa Kudrow, Rob Lowe, Miss Piggy, Helen Mirren, Helena Bonham Carter, Rob Schneider, Michael Jordan, Josh Groban, Blink 182, Kevin Bacon, Natalie Portman, Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts, Gwenyth Paltrow, Chris Daughtry, Kelly Clarkson, Jeff Beck, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Bart Simpson, Marge Simpson, Celine Dion, Elvis Presley, Madonna, Annie Lennox, Bono

Apr 25

Faceoff: Killer and Liz

I love this idea so much I think I’m going to make it a part of my regular repertoire. I have interviewed two old friends separately and they have assured me that they did not confer with each other on their answers. It’s sort of like the old game show, The Newlywed Game.

The contestants for this edition are Killer and Liz of Killer Rants. If you are not regularly reading their shared blog, you are missing out on some great stories involving booze, sex, friendship, flatulence, and lots and lots of talk about Killer’s Balls.

Enjoy!

Question: Where did you meet each other? What were each of you wearing?

Although we went to the same high school, we really met at a friend’s house (David or Ricky are proper answers). I don’t think Killer knows this, but at the time, they introduced him as “Kelly”- which he went by at the time. I was extremely messed up the night we met and I laughed my ass off because his name was Kelly. I kept imagining him as the Irishman on the label of Kelly’s chili. He should know that. I’ll bet he’s always wondered why I kept staring and laughing. That may or may not be the night we were scraping up bail for some friends we thought had gotten arrested.

I’m not sure what either of us was wearing, but I’m sure I had huge hair.
It was an extremely long time ago, but I seem to recall meeting Liz for the first time at a guy named Jimmy Miller’s house. He would throw these crazy parties and Liz was a regular attendant, and I would also become a regular fixture.

I was probably wearing a black Poison T-shirt, sagging ass blue jeans (pre cool ghetto saggy), and some skateboard shoes.

Liz was probably wearing an Aerosmith T-shirt, blue jeans, and sporting a bear in one hand and a bong in the other.

 

I’m confused about why Liz might have a bear in one hand and a bong in the other, but then again, that could describe some parties *I* have been too. Score for this round: Liz: +0 Killer: +0

Question: Which of you are most likely get married first? Children?

Tough one. I think Killer is more open to marriage, but I think I’ll be most likely to find someone I think I can put up with for the next 40 years. Probably me with marriage and him with kids. I’ll never have children unless they are part of the package deal.
Oof, hit below the belt. It is becoming more and more probable that Liz and I will live in the same neighborhood as spinsters. Liz with her fifteen cats, and me with my failing liver.

IF either of us has kids, I would say I am 100% confident I will be first.

Liz: +1 Killer +1

Question: What are your favorite movies?

He gets points if he knows ANY of these movies are my favorites: Old School, Office Space, Young Frankenstein. For him, I’m guessing Star Wars or some sort of porn.
My favorite movie is “The Empire Strikes Back”. Liz’s favorite movie is “Porky’s”

Liz: +1 Killer: +1

 

Question: Which of your friends are you most likely to catch the other in bed with? Which of their friends are you most likely to sleep with?

I guess Chad would be the answer to both.
Liz would be caught in bed with Chad, because Chad is a whore.

I would sleep with Liz’s BFF, Kim, but just so I could always torture Liz by saying, “Do you remember when I was banging Kim and you walked in?”

I gotta meet Chad. Liz: +1.5 Killer: +1

Question: What is your most annoying habit? What is your counterpart’s most annoying habit?

Me have an annoying habit? Puleez…. Ok…. I can talk nonstop and usually do. He might also mention that I’m a bit of a neat freak, even when guests are over. I’ll start cleaning up and expect them to all pitch in. They do not agree with my philosophy, sorry bastards. Killer’s is farting to piss me off. Or just farting. It’s more than a function, it’s a thrill for him.
My most annoying habit is farting around Liz. I don’t know if I try extra hard around her, or if it is a subconscious desire to torment her, but I can really bring the funk when we are together.

Liz’s most annoying habit is pretending like she doesn’t like my flatulence.

UMB and I have been together nearly five years and I still do not break wind in front of him. It’s like the height of rudeness to me. He, on the other hand, has no problem letting them rip. Drives me crazy. Liz: +1 Killer: +1.25

Question: Have you ever written a post that pissed the other off? Link them!

I don’t know how to link…. but no. He hasn’t and I don’t think I have either.
I don’t think I have ever written anything that has pissed Liz off. I am eager to see the answer to this one.

Liz has never pissed me off in the blog. We share a very laid back mentality. She did, however, confuse me with Meet Mr. Killer Rants. She said, “Killer has a sad appreciation for bad movies.” I do not like bad movies. I rarely go see anything that is a typical Hollywood cookie-cutter film. I would never see “Wild Hogs” (But Jester did). I usually reserve my movie going for computer animated cartoons, indie films, and such.

Again with making me justify my viewing of Wild Hogs! It stars William H. Macy for crying out loud! Plus, it didn’t cost me anything, and I didn’t pick it! Talk to Othurme or UMB about that! Liz: +2 Killer: +2

Question: When was the last time each of you cried?

I am a frigid bitch and haven’t cried since the 90’s. Killer probably cried when his nephew was born.

I’m serious about the crying. I don’t do it often. Really, the last time I remember crying was when I was in the hospital with my mom. She was coming out of surgery. I only cried for a second, but it’s the last time I remember.
I don’t really remember the last time I woefully cried, but I am a bitch at movies. I get all teary eyed when the good guy prevails, when the hero dies, etc.

I don’t know if Liz can cry.

Liz: +1 Killer: +1 Though I should deduct points from Killer for being a “bitch at movies.”

Question: What body part do you each notice on the opposite sex? (Since I know you are both straight.:) )

The face- but specifically the smile, for me. Ass or tits for Killer, depending on the view.
I notice their face first. I really like the girl next door look. I also love a good ass, though.

I bet Liz is an ass woman.

Liz: +1.5 Killer: +1

Question: It’s a Saturday night, how drunk are the two of you?

I am standing by the lake at dawn drunk, weaving to and fro or in bed totally sober. No in-betweens. Killer is at the pub, faculties in full function, slight buzz.
I have been laying off the booze since January. It is part of my “100 the Hard Way” campaign. I am going to lose 100 pounds in six months.

If Liz does not have a paper due for school, she is ripped. She is probably chasing her Roomba auto vacuum cleaner around the house with a stick in one hand and a martini glass in the other.

Uh… I understand the martini glass, but I’m a little confused by the purpose of the stick.Liz: +0 Killer: +0

Question: Did you know each other in a past life? How were you related?

We did know each other in a past life. I was several years older, graying with a beard. I taught Philosophy at the local Community College. Killer worked at the mini-mart where I bought my dirty magazines. We struck up a conversation, but never became too close. He did give me a ride home once, when my car had a flat in the parking lot. He came in and saw my house, very nicely appointed for a community college instructor. He helped me change the flat and we enjoyed a beer together. He met my wife. She was the one with the money.

It was somewhat awkward when he enrolled in one of my classes. I gave him an A for never letting anyone in on my secret, even though he only deserved at B+.
In a past life me and Liz were tape worms living inside a drunk, homeless guy’s bowels. I guess you could say we were related, we hatched together on the same piece of rancid meat eaten out of a dumpster. It was a rough life, not much in the way of food, but the steady flow of alcohol would set the stage for every life we have lived since.

Mostly for creativity… Liz: +2 Killer: +2

Excellent! Let’s just tally up the points here…. Liz accumulated 11 points. Killer picked up 10.25 points. Congratulations Liz, though you haven’t won anything, other than bragging rights that you know more about Killer than he knows about you.

Wanna play along? Leave me a comment or drop me a note on my Contact Page and I’ll interview you and a friend to see how well you know each other!

Apr 25

The Top 6

American IdolIt’s night one of Idol Gives Back, the charity event that has been advertised ad nauseum for months.

Bono is tonight’s special guest star. That’s incredibly exciting, as I am a huge U2 fan, and his work as an activist is incredibly moving. There are very few superstars that are on the same level as him. [Where is Bono? He didn’t appear at all, in tapes or on stage, or anything? Why tease us with Bono?]

The video of Simon and Ryan in Africa was of course quite moving.

The theme tonight is “songs of hope and inspiration.”

Chris Richardson is performing Eric Clapton’s “Change the World.” This is one of those songs that I can listen to over and again and not get tired of it. Chris added a lot of his own flavor to the song. He updated it, wasn’t overly nasally, and he looked great. I’m quite pleased with him. The judges were all favorably impressed. Good for him, I was very worried after the last couple of weeks.

In addition to Africa, the charity plans to help folks at home as well. Randy went to Louisiana. There was a trip to rural Kentucky, and Arizona. They showed the homeless in Atlanta. Paula and Ryan visited a mobile health care unit focused on treating poor kids.

Melinda Doolittle is up next with “There Will Come a Day” by Faith Hill. She looks amazing tonight. Another phenomenal performance from Melinda. She is impeccable. This song has almost brought me to tears. OUTSTANDING! Let no one deny the greatness that is Melinda. She is AWESOME! The judges of course loved her. Simon called it a “vocal master class.”

Blake Lewis
is tackling John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Probably the most appropriate song for tonight’s theme. A very nice performance from Blake this week. It was subdued and sensitive and simple. The judges praised his sincerity. Blake has always been one of my favorites, tonight is no different.

LaKisha Jones is performing “I Believe” from previous Idol winner, Fantasia Barrino. She made the mistake of doing another Idol winner’s song last week, and I’m afraid she’s repeating herself tonight. The first verse of this song was really rough. There was a good stretch in the middle before she seemed to lose the pitch and was way flat. Randy didn’t love it. Paula said that she missed Fantasia’s version. Simon thought she shouted a bit. The love affair with LaKisha is over.

Phil Stacey is singing “The Change” by Garth Brooks. I am not sure what he is doing with this song. I absolutely love Garth’s version. It can bring me to tears. Phil sounds a bit like a Michael Bolton impersonator to me tonight. Phil’s delivery is lacking a connection. I’m not feeling the emotion that this song normally evokes in me. Pitch wise, he was fine. Paula thought it was his best performance to date.

Jordin Sparks closes the show tonight. She’s doing “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from the Rodger’s & Hammerstein musical “Carousel.” That was a fantastic performance. Randy called it one of the best vocal performances of any season. Paula called it “glorious.” Simon thought she could have a hit record with it, despite it being a 60 year old song. It was definitely one of the best broadway song performances I’ve ever seen on this show, second only to Fantasia’s “Summertime” a few years ago.

Here’s the wrap up:

Safe:

  • Melinda Doolittle
  • Jordin Sparks

Probably Safe:

  • Blake Lewis
  • Chris Richardson

Danger! Danger!:

  • Phil Stacey
  • LaKisha Jones

The wild card tonight will be whether the country fans liked Phil enough to vote in droves and maybe drop Chris to the bottom of the pile. I really hope not. Unquestionably, LaKisha was the worst performance tonight, and it’s time for her to go. Historically, there’s only room for two powerhouse divas in the top 5, and LaKisha is definitely the weakest of the three.

Apr 23

A First for this Blog

If you’ve been around at all today you probably noticed the assault being made on me by the subject of last night’s post, The Hazards of Publishing Your Contact Information.

William Anderson couldn’t let it go. So he left a series of comments on Methinks Thou Doth Protest Too Much and even on my birthday post where all of my lovely regular readers left me well wishes, What Do These People Have in Common.

After over an hour, and increasingly ignorant comments, I decided to do something I have never felt the need or desire to do.

I put William Anderson on the ban list.

I believe in free speech. I believe that we should all be able to defend our ideals and morals and ethics.

However, this is MY blog. And as I have the right to chase trespassers off my front lawn, I also have the right to keep bigots and ignorant assholes from hijacking my website.

As I was writing this post, I got the following email from my Contact Form:

From: willanderson50@yahoo.com
Subject: Contact Form Results
Date: April 23, 2007 4:56:30 PM PDT
To: jester

william Anderson wrote:
Would you consider employment that entails sucking on penises? Perhaps you need to put that on your resume as well.

Website:
IP: 24.205.74.195

Just further proof and example of God’s love.

Anyone up for helping me sign him up for all the gay porn spam websites? Wait… my guess is that he would enjoy that immensely (or is already a member). Perhaps we should send his address to the Jehovahs Witnesses or even worse, tell Primerica that he is interested in a job… you can’t get rid of THOSE people.

Apr 23

I’m a Dirty Old Man

Nick SimmonsI realized tonight that I have become a dirty old man.

I am totally in lust with Gene Simmons’ son, Nick. He’s funny, bohemian, and uh… HOT.

The fact that he was born in 1989 makes me both sad and embarrassed.

I was a sophomore in high school when he was born. When I graduated high school, he was three years old. When I came out of the closet, he was seven years old.

When UMB and I got together he was just hitting puberty.

Nick Simmons

And yet, I can’t look away, and I have absolutely no paternal intentions what so ever.

Well, I might let him call me “Daddy.”

Apr 22

The Hazards of Publishing Your Contact Information

If you’re observant, you probably noticed that a few days ago I added a section to my sidebar called “Interact With Me” that shows my online status on AOL Instant Messenger, Yahoo Messenger and Skype. I like the idea of people being able to instantly speak with me outside of comments.

The first person to take advantage of this new feature was not a friend or regular reader. It was yet another bigot in a long line of them who wants to cure me of my awful gay disease. Figures!

I got home from rehearsal tonight and was instantly greeted with the following conversation:

willanderson50
hey there jester! In looking at you, you do look like a “Little Girl”

Jester
excuse me?

willanderson50
I said in looking at your pic on your site, I can see why you think you’re a “Little Girl”

… I have no idea what you are talking about. I don’t think I’ve ever referred to myself as a “little girl.” as I’m neither little, nor a girl.

I would agree that you are not a little girl, but whenever a man prefers to take a penis in his ass, then in my book he’s acting like a little girl!

You assume much.

I only assume what YOU have written on YOUR site my friend.

I can assure you I have never written that I prefer to take a penis in my ass.

May I ask you very SINCERELY, do you really believe that you’re Gay by Birth?

Yes, sincerely, gay by birth. I was not molested. I was not the victim of an overbearing mother and an absent father.

Jester man, I promise you that something went amiss that has confused you!

Are you attempting to take me up on my challenge to make an argument against homosexuality that does not evoke some spiritual text as its basis?

I am absolutely certain that God never intended for a man to put his penis into another man (or woman for that matter) behind. That place is purely for elimination of toxic human waste!

If that’s the case, William Anderson, why must you insist on keeping that long stick in yours?
Why does what I do in the privacy of my home offend you so much?

No, there’s no stick in my ass, but I’m deeply concerned that you prefer to have one in yours!

Well, Will. I appreciate your concern. And as long as I have so many strangers praying for my mortal soul, I figure I’m pretty well covered.

[ Snip insistence on the existence of God and the “sexual compatibility of men and women”]

*yawn* You’ve obviously not read much of my site. You’re going to have to do MUCH better than this to impress me.

My goal is/was not impress you, but to simply challenge your thinking.

Well you haven’t. Your arguments are nothing I haven’t heard before, and are easily dismissed. I suggest you start with the Dear Mr Cooper Series and go from there.

LEt me ask you, are you equally attracted to women?

I’m glad that you have the spiritual crutch that you need to get through life. I don’t begrudge you that at all. However, you can not and will not convince me that your idea of GOD is the truth. Not going to happen. And as long as you fail to do that, you can never prove that the supposed “word of God” is the law. And no, I’m not attracted to women.

So, a woman’s vagina wouldn’t turn you on?

Not in the slightest.

Have you ever tried it?

Yes I have.

And the experience?

Was dreadful.

Dreadful for you or her?

for me. She had a great time.

That proves my point. There is something “abnormal” about a man who finds having sex with a woman dreadful, but to play the role of a woman as a man is acceptable is just plain crazy!

What is “abnormal” is that you seem to be so personally invested in my sex life.

[Snip more “God is a fact” and “God is the CREATOR.”]

You are saying that no one can argue that there is a CREATOR?
Explain people who are born with both sex organs.
Explain people who are born with “ambiguous” organs.
And you are saying sex is ONLY for the purpose of reproduction?
How are those 40 kids working out for you?

Sure, you can argue, but no matter what your conclusions are, you still can’t refute in reality that there is a God! That’s like people who say that Hitler didn’t slaughter the Jews. Even if one were to take that position, the evidence clearly points to that historical fact!

You’re right, there is EVIDENCE that Hitler slaughtered the Jews. There is NO EVIDENCE that God exists.

Sex is for pleasure between a man and his wife, also for the purpose of intimacy that brings a man and a woman together spiritually and of course for pro-creation.

I find it incredibly sad that so many of your brethren have abdicated their ability to think critically or scientifically about the “facts” that your religion has shoved down your throat.

[Snip the asinine “Intelligent Design” argument.]

Ask the scientists to explain the so-called Big Bang theory; I promise you that they cannot! And neither can you!

Well, any explanation they have beats the idea of some bearded man in the sky who says some magic words and waves his arms around creating everything in the universe.

So, your body just knows when to do different things? Who’s idea it was to make us male and female? Did a big bang just arbitrarily make us different races, ethnicities, colors, and cultures? Come on, surely you’re smarter than that?

I am. I’m in doubt that you are. Millions and MILLIONS of years of adaptation and mutation, not one instant of TA-DA! There’s a human.

[Snip scripture quotes]

Someday you will stand before the God of the universe to give an account of how you lived, your relationship to Him thru His Son, Jesus Christ! What will you do?

I will wait for the buzz to wear off.

Its funny that the Bible gives us the reason why people like yourself reject God or the knowledge of God. It is because “Men Loved Darkness Rather than Light, and do not Come to the Light Lest their Evil Deeds Should be Exposed.”

While this has been extremely fascinating and enlightening, I must bid you adeiu. I have a Mormon in a pot on the stove, and those 8 year olds aren’t going to molest themselves, you know. Have a great night, and thanks for visiting my site.

Apr 20

Another Update for the Week

You know how I wrote about the Gay Blog Clique that I had stumbled into?

You know how I wrote about a particular blogger who hosts a podcast and the whole thing came across as screechy?

Yeah.

I just received an email a few minutes ago from him. It’s an E-Vite to a Gay Blogger Summit to be held in San Francisco for Gay Pride in June.

There are 58 other bloggers on the list, including at least 3 of the other Clique members.

Hot GuysThere are several people on the list that I think would be very cool to meet… though not one of them is a regular reader of my site (to my knowledge).

I think I’m going to wait to see who RSVP’s before I decide whether or not to go.

I should get together a group of smoking hot boys to join me and my much-too-hot-for-me boyfriend. We’ll just pop in long enough to drop some jaws, and leave a faint whiff of sexy cologne.

Anyone know where I can find a group of smoking hot boys?