Apr 25
Tonight is the big Idol Gives Back show with all the guest stars and fundraising and clips of Simon in Africa. Oh yeah, someone goes home tonight, too. LaKisha?
70 Million Votes were received last night. That’s incredible! And there’s been mention of the most “shocking” results ever. Hmm.. I feel like maybe we’re going to be duped tonight.
I started out writing a play by play of the show, like I normally do, but I don’t have the stamina to do that with this two hour constant barrage of celebrities and performances, so I’m going to depart from the structure I normally follow, and just list some highlights as they come to me.
Earth Wind and Fire are opening the show. I’m wondering how many people watching the show know who they are. And after the first few measures of the highly annoying falsetto and bad hair, I’m wondering how many are still watching. They then launched into a medley of their hits to remind everyone of who they are. If you’ve not figured it out yet, EW&F have never been one of my favorite bands.
The horrors of Hurricane Katrina follow the horrors that was the Earth Wind and Fire set. I think the current state of New Orleans and the treatment of oh so many people who were affected by this disaster is an even worse nightmare than the war in Iraq. But that’s a discussion for another time. We’ve got TV to watch.
Quincy Jones is the next guest, he’s working with the Idols for the first of I’m guessing several group numbers this week. “Time to Care” is the song. And I’m not even annoyed by Phil during it. LaKisha still looks like she’s sitting through a lecture on the history of yarn.
Eric McCormack (Will from Will and Grace) did a plug for Idol Aid and submitted this zinger, “If every person who ever voted for Sanjaya gave just one dollar, we could do so much good.”
Ben Stiller is all grey haired now. Yikes. He’s threatening to sing “Reminiscing” until they raise 200 Billion dollars. A quite funny bit.
Time for more heart wrenching footage from Africa. Great… little kids crying about the death of their parents. I’m going to need a kleenex. Why do I watch this stuff?
Watching stuff like this makes me want to just sell everything that I own and move to Africa to teach orphans.
Il Divo is performing next, following Paula’s photo op at the Boys and Girls Club in Los Angeles. They’re singing “Somewhere” from “West Side Story.” I’m sure this performance appeals to someone, though I’m at a loss at the moment who it might be. It’s slow and morose and pretentious. Somewhere there’s a 60 year old woman in a Michael Bolton tee shirt bawling her eyes out and repeating, “It’s just so beautiful!” UMB said “they sound like a group of broadway opera rejects.” I said, “it sounds like what I imagine a cartoon made up of Italian opera-singing goats would be.”
Jack Black is on stage and I think he intends to sing “Kiss from a Rose.” His Tenacious D counterpart, Kyle Gass, is in the audience with a rose and misty eyes. The judges didn’t care for it. Paula said, “The School of Rock called and they want their diploma back.” Simon said, “Honestly, you were better than Sanjaya.” Guest judge Seal loved his rendition.
So we now know that Melinda and Blake are both safe. Big shocker there…
Carrie Underwood went to Africa and is bringing attention to the AIDS Crisis there. She’s shooting a makeshift video for “I’ll Stand By You” from The Pretenders. I may have to jump over to iTunes and download this version. I do love her voice, and this is a nice cover. Great. Need. More. Kleenex.
Rascal Flatts is up next to sing “My Wish.” If you’re a regular reader here at Jestertunes, you know I’m a fan of Gary LeVox and the rest of the band, even though they have my career. Great job from those guys.
Back to the Appalachian Mountains of Kentucky. Nearly half of the adults in this particular county dropped out of school and can not read. I know it’s wrong, but during that whole segment I pictured everyone of the kids talking as one of Cletus’ brood from The Simpsons.
And now the Staying Alive video with a shitload of artists and celebrities lip syncing along.
I’m a blubbering mess after the video of Ryan and Simon in Africa with all the AIDS patients. Ellen DeGeneres just announced that she is personally donating $100,000.00.
Josh Groban is performing “You Raise Me Up” backed by an African children’s choir. UMB and I have different opinions on Josh Groban. I happen to love him. UMB thinks he is just “silly.”
Kelly Clarkson is making her first return appearance on Idol. Jeff Beck is joining her onstage to perform “Up To The Mountain.” You need not look any farther than Kelly if you’re looking for a reason to justify the existence of American Idol. I know there are people who read my blog (Killer!) who can’t stand AI. I don’t get it. Sure, for every Kelly Clarkson there is a Sanjaya, but so what!? Finding a Kelly Clarkson is worth sitting through dozens of Sanjayas and William Hungs. Kelly’s performance was brilliant, reserved, emotional, and exactly what a professional artist should embody.
Simon Cowell singing “Don’t Cha” as a Simpson’s character. Great.
Oh look… we’re pretending to be paying attention to the contestants again… Phil and LaKisha are declared safe now.
Celine Dion is doing some “time travel” back 1968 to sing with Elvis Presley a la the green screen to sing a duet of “If I Can Dream.” I’m not the world’s biggest Elvis fan, but this was a pretty cool gimmick. Now the Idols are joining them on stage… quite cool.
Ooo… Annie Lennox is going to perform. I LOVE her. She’s singing “Bridge Over Troubled Water.” She’s always been a big support of AIDS outreach programs and a great friend to the Gay Community.
Ok… now to the final results… Chris and Jordin are the only contestants whose fate is unknown.
And just as I thought…. we’ve been had. All of the contestants are safe for this week.
Here’s the rub… votes for the contestants this week will be added to next week’s votes and the bottom TWO will be sent home. Crap!
Finally, BONO has made his appearance on Idol. He worked with the Idols on their finale “American Prayer.”
All in all the show was entertaining and heart-wrenching. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the producers of AI need to be in charge of the Grammys. The pacing and level of performances are just far better than what Grammy producers have been able to deliver the past few years.
I was going to list all the guest appearances in real time, but they are coming too fast, and I am too lazy to keep doing replays with the Tivo, so I’m just going to list them here:
Ellen DeGeneres, Quincy Jones, Eric McCormack, David Schwimmer, Sanjaya Malakar, Ben Stiller, Forrest Whitaker, Teri Hatcher, Dr. Phil, Hugh Laurie (House, M.D.), Jack Black, Kyle Gass, Seal, Carrie Underwood, Tom Anderson (MySpace Founder), Goldie Hawn, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Chris Kattan, Lisa Kudrow, Rob Lowe, Miss Piggy, Helen Mirren, Helena Bonham Carter, Rob Schneider, Michael Jordan, Josh Groban, Blink 182, Kevin Bacon, Natalie Portman, Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts, Gwenyth Paltrow, Chris Daughtry, Kelly Clarkson, Jeff Beck, Homer Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Bart Simpson, Marge Simpson, Celine Dion, Elvis Presley, Madonna, Annie Lennox, Bono
Finding that picture of Hoss yesterday made me think of this trip that I took with him, Mama Sharon, and Hoss’s friend Jack to Destin, Florida.
We stayed in Destin for a couple of days, in this little cinder-block shack that sat less than 20 yards from the high tide line on the beach. There was a lot of alcohol and pot being passed around. We laughed ourselves silly and swam and sunbathed and drank and smoked some more. There was also some cocaine and who knows what else was in that cigar box, but Mama Sharon and I stayed away from that.
About 10 minutes later, he turned the wrong way down a one way street. I asked him again, “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive? I haven’t had anything to drink or smoke in like 6 hours..”
