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Table of contents for The Rules of Engagement
- The Rules: The Introduction
- The Rules. Chapter 1: Take Care of Yourself
- The Rules. Chapter 1: continued 1
- The Rules. Chapter 1: continued 2
- The Rules. Chapter 1: continued 3
- The Rules. Chapter 1: continued 4
- The Rules. Chapter 1: continued 5
- The Rules. Chapter 2: Be Interesting
- The Rules. Chapter 2: continued
- The Rules. Chapter 3: Be Healthy
- The Rules. Chapter 3: continued
- The Rules. Chapter 3: continued 2
- The Rules. Chapter 4: Be Honest
- The Rules. Chapter 5: Be Sincere
- The Rules. Chapter 6: Be Prepared
- The Rules. Chapter 7: Be Observant
[I highly suggest that you read the introductory post to this series if you have not already. Please note, I am not publishing the book in its entirety, only the sections that I authored. These are the only the parts worth reading anyway. Also note, I've edited these posts, so they may no longer be the exact copy included in the book. Hey, it's my site and therefore my prerogative to do so.]
Rule #1: Take Care of Yourself
The days of looking like you’ve just spent a month in the wilderness trapping your own food are over. Today’s women are looking for a man who takes pride in his appearance and isn’t afraid of spending some time (and money) on being polished.
Hair and Nails
Let’s start with your hair. Will it be necessary to wait until the babies are ready to fly off on their own before you can disturb their nest? Allow me introduce you to the wonders of the modern styling salon. Think of it as a place where highly trained professionals take your lifestyle, your face and body shape, and your skin tone into account and then give your hair a treatment to make you look your best. Do not be afraid of hair color or highlights. Sure, you’ll look like a complete dork with your hair spiked up and wrapped in aluminum foil, but you survived your freshman year of high school, this hour won’t kill you. Besides, hair salons are usually full of hot women who will be impressed that you’re taking care of your looks. Incidentally, despite what the advertisements on television may say, a $6.99 haircut really does look like a $6.99 haircut.
While you’re at the salon waiting for the foil to be removed from your head, let’s take a moment to examine your hands… What color are your fingernails? Do you even have fingernails? Are you saving the gunk under them for a special recipe? Are they long enough to impale your brain when you pick your nose? How about your palms, when you rub them together do they sound like an old record player endlessly circling the label on your 33 of The Saturday Night Fever album? I thought so. Perhaps you should walk over to that cute girl sitting at the table draped in towels. She’ll moisturize your hands with lotion (you can request unscented if you like), and she’ll trim and clean those claws. If you’re a nail biter, she can make your hands look presentable. You should really break yourself of that habit immediately; it is gross.
While you’re with the ‘nail technician’ you can also ask her to do something about those nasty looking bony lumps on the end of your legs. Yes, a pedicure. Maybe you can’t reach your feet anymore, hell, I’d be willing to bet that a lot of you can’t even see your feet, but your girl can and will. Let the tech give you a trim. Most pedicures even come with a foot massage and I know how much you like those. A pedicure and manicure typically will cost you around twenty bucks, a figure that pales in comparison to the amount of money you’ll spend on replacing all your holey socks.
Before you leave the salon, ask the stylist to recommend some shampoo, conditioner and styling products. There are a lot of different products out there and it’s easy to get pomade, mousse, and gel confused. Ask him or her to show you the best way to use the product.
While we’re still on the subject of hair, let’s take a moment to address the ‘follicle-challenged’ members out there. If you find yourself losing your hair and you want to do something about it, talk to your doctor. There are prescription and over-the-counter products that you can try, Rogaine for instance. There are also some herbal remedies that may or may not help you preserve the hair you have. One thing to keep in mind is that most efforts that you make to conceal your thinning hair look terrible. Just say no to comb-overs, toupees, hair plugs, or spray hair in a can. Go bald gracefully; try shaving your head, it worked for Bruce Willis, Ed Harris and Britney Spears.
Up next: Face and Skin
