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Cat Haiku
 
Something Extremely Witty
February 14th, 2007 by jester

Scott asked his readers to write some “Cat Haiku” today.

Here are my three submissions:

I am your best friend,
until you wish to hold me,
then I am Satan.

or

My food bowl is full,
therefore I do not need you
or your silly love.

or

I am Royalty.
Don’t forget you scoop my poop,
bring me more tuna.

And as some possible inspiration, here is a wickedly awesome video of a feline piano virtuoso:

That was fun. Why don’t you give it a try?


21 Responses  
  • tanjua writes:
    February 14th, 2007 at 11:15 pm

    here are the ones i wrote while we was talkin…..

    i cry in the night.
    run around like i’m crazy,
    and i lick myself.

    i sleep in your chair.
    leave my hair all over it,
    yet here i still sit.

    you call me your pet.
    you think that you’re my master,
    but you are my bitch.

          Reply  
  • blender writes:
    February 14th, 2007 at 11:56 pm

    Those 3 haiku are hilarious! And that cat piano player video is awesome! Good stuff.

          Reply  
  • Mist 1 writes:
    February 15th, 2007 at 6:35 am

    Isn’t it cute when
    I put my paws in your face
    Covered in litter

          Reply  
  • Killer writes:
    February 15th, 2007 at 8:09 am

    Who Knew Jester Could

    Write So Many Great Haikus

    About A Pussy

          Reply  
  • Neurotic Mom writes:
    February 16th, 2007 at 9:15 pm

    That was hilarious

          Reply  
  • Anonymous writes:
    February 17th, 2007 at 12:02 pm

    Actual poems I gave to a former boyfriend, but certainly applicable to your challenge:

    You say you love me
    I could care less about you
    Go scoop some litter

    When will you realize
    You are not the boss of me
    Wipe up my hairball

    So you had me fixed?
    I will hate you forever.
    I should be breeding.

    Your breath smells so bad
    in the morning when you wake
    It’s like a cat’s ass

    The claws on your skin
    May hurt for a little while
    but pussy’s worth it

          Reply  
  • jester writes:
    February 18th, 2007 at 12:45 am

    Tanjua – Nice.

    Blender – Welcome! Hope to see you around again sometime!

    Mist – Great, thanks for showing me up again!

    Killer – *ahem* I’m not wholly unfamiliar with pondering pussy.

    Neurotic Mom – Thanks. I’ll be here all week. Welcome!

    Anonymous – I’m scared to ask how those poems relate to your relationship with your ex. Well, the last two are self-explanatory…

          Reply  
  • Donnie writes:
    June 18th, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    Hello will appreciate this one…

    I am a kitten
    you kill me when you masturbate
    I am dead now

          Reply  
  • jester writes:
    June 18th, 2007 at 2:32 pm

    Donnie – Unfortunately, this isn’t a haiku. Yes, it is 17 syllables, but it does not follow the exact 5-7-5 form. I encourage further submissions. Possibly including photos.

          Reply  
  • Donnie writes:
    June 18th, 2007 at 3:04 pm

    Sorry Jester: Take II

    I am a kitten
    When you masturbate I die
    and I am dead now

    You have to give me a break. I’m just an Engineer and it has been a long time since I’ve written a Haiku…especially a cat haiku!

    Shaved my balls today
    The cat licked them until clean
    Now she has fur balls

          Reply  
  • jester writes:
    June 18th, 2007 at 3:10 pm

    Donnie – ::Applause:: Much better.

          Reply  
  • hellohahanarf writes:
    June 19th, 2007 at 6:54 am

    i cannot believe that donnie wrote a haiku about me killing kittens. hope it is known that the one i killed sunday was INTENSE and i wasn’t thinking of you. so there.

          Reply  
  • Donnie writes:
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:02 am

    Hello? Who said that Haiku was about you? I said I thought you would like it, not that you did it. Now the mystery begins…who was it that killed the kitten?

    My balls are furry.
    My back and belly are too.
    I’m no cat. I’m Don.

    Hello is my name.
    Shaving pussy is my game.
    Mine is fabulous.

          Reply  
  • hellohahanarf writes:
    June 19th, 2007 at 7:08 am

    *burying head in hands*

          Reply  
  • jester writes:
    June 19th, 2007 at 3:14 pm

    hello and Donnie – BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

          Reply  
  • Donnie writes:
    June 21st, 2007 at 7:51 am

    Drowned a cat last night…
    Dreamed of Hello’s pussy juice…
    Now her “cat” is wet

          Reply  
  • Donnie writes:
    June 21st, 2007 at 7:52 am

    When you masturbate
    Ceiling cat is watching you
    More dead kittens now

          Reply  
  • hellohahanarf writes:
    June 21st, 2007 at 9:46 am

    huh!

          Reply  
  • Donnie writes:
    June 21st, 2007 at 10:36 am

    Huh? That’s all you’ve got is huh?

    Sexy bitch Hello.
    Now I have killed another.
    Kitten’s dying fast.

          Reply  
  • jester writes:
    June 21st, 2007 at 2:50 pm

    Donnie and Hello – I think you should write some haikus as duets.

          Reply  
  • Michle writes:
    February 2nd, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    Kittens
    Sparkle Through the night
    Cant be seen in the dark
    Only the White Seen

          Reply  


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