Dear Mr Cooper,
Please stop sending me articles about “God’s Plan for Sex,” or “Medical Consequences of What Homosexuals Do.”
I appreciate your concern, truly I do. However, you have already proven to me on multiple occasions that your sum computational power if harnessed couldn’t brown dinner rolls.
I must admit that the article you sent entitled, “What Are The Dangers of Anal Sex?” made me laugh out loud. I especially appreciate the charming illustrations like this one:
It has been over a month since I awarded you the Flaming Fuck You Award. Apparently you have spent that time glued to your computer conducting “research.”
Here’s my guess at what I might find in your browser history trail or Google Search cookies*:
- Anal Sex
- Butt Pirates
- Inserting Penis Buttholes
- Toys For My Tushy
- Illustrations Gay Sex**
- Homosexual Lifestyles
- Civil War Re-enactments***
- Coming Out to My Church
- Depression
- What is Down Low?
- Wayne Cooper****
- Nearby Gay Bars
Now if you don’t mind, my boyfriend of nearly five years just stripped off his pajamas and asked me to come to bed. We’re gonna go open a “superhighway” and do what you have been spending so long fantasizing about. Sucks to be you.
* A quick shout out and welcome to all the porn-seekers who have found this blog based on this list.
** Might I suggest Tom of Finland?
*** I don’ t know why, but you seem like the kind of guy that is into boring ass Civil War Re-Enactments, and vacations in Colonial Williamsburg.
**** No doubt searching for the number of references to you by name that also contains the word gay because you like the way it sounds. I hope my site comes up number one.
My opinion? Butt sex hurts. I think that’s probably the one thing about gay men I’ve never completely understood. I suppose it must feel way way way better for you, or you wouldn’t bother.
Oh man – I want a stalker!!!!
From this point forward, I will refer to my rectum as my superhighway. I will give all potential suitors a traffic report on the hour.
Rectum?! It damn near killed him!!
LMAO You Rock babe!
1. That illustration was awesome and informative at the same time.
2. I could not be more suprised when my google search “inserting penis buttholes” did lead me here.
3. Kudos to othurme for using the punchline that I say whenever ANYONE says the word rectum. Finally it was appropriate and he beat me to it.
Dear Jestergirl:
I went to your articles about Mr. Cooper and the tttruth is, I have to agree with his positions on homosexuality!
It appears that he had you on the run my friend. All you did was get completely out-of-control with anger, and I doubt whether you proved your point.
You certainly did not during our discussion tonight. My advice for you is that you should not be so angry and bitter if people think your lifestyle is wrong. I think it is wrong, that doesn’t mean that I hate you either. I’m still shocked at you saying that your sexual experience with a woman was dreadful; that takes the cake for me. You have no idea what you’ve been missing! A man’s ass cannot compare to a woman’s Vagina!
Will
Will – You and Mr. Cooper will make a lovely couple.
Jester:
Me and Mr. Cooper cannot make a good couple as the both of us are apparently STRAIGHT! Remember, Straight people don’t have a desire to poke each other in the Ass; that is for the perverted and deviant ones! I really hope that you are set free from this bondage and that you will realize that your position is seriously flawed.
I promise you that if you go back in time, take a good look at your life with family and friends, you will probably discover that something went wrong that has caused you to believe that you are suppose to be with men!
William Anderson – What a sad, sad world you must live in that you can’t appreciate sarcasm and derision.
For a “straight” guy you are sure fascinated and obsessed with objects going into asses. I don’t think about it as much as you apparently do.
I assure you there is no event in my past that triggered my homosexuality. It always was, it always will be.
You’re not being a very good salesman for your God. I hope you’re not working on commission.
Jester:
You know I was thinking, since you really do have a problem with God, why don’t you speak to Him sometimes?? I promise you, He won’t bite you. He will lovingly and gently reveal Himself to you…if you are sincere in your seeking His face. Try it my friend and see what you think.
William Anderson – I don’t have a problem with God. I have a problem with his supposed spokespeople.